Women Who Run It Slider

  • Welcome To Women Who Run It

Grab Our Latest Issue

Get Your FREE eBook !
Lead Live Love Lead Live Love
Plus receive our
FREE newsletter:
Women Who Run It
* indicates required
  • Home

THE REAL CAUSE OF POVERTY

Written by Thomas C Corley on . Posted in Business, Career & Entrepreneurship, Issues

Before I begin on my quest to transform a life from one of poverty to one of unlimited financial wealth, let me set out some important facts about poverty and wealth in America:
  • 46.2 million Americans live below the poverty line (http://e.wikipedia.org/wiki/Povery_in_the_United_States)
  • 50% of American Households make less than $34,000 a year. (Tax Foundation.org)
  • Average student loan debt now exceeds $25,000 (http://money.cnn.com/2011/11/03/pf/student_loan_debt/index.htm)
  • 309 million people currently reside in America. (http://quickfacts.census.gov/gfd/states/00000.html)
  • 138 million make enough money to warrant filing an income tax return (Tax Foundation.org)
  • 6.9 million, or 5%, make $155,000 or more a year. (Tax Foundation.org)
This 5% puts money away for retirement, education for their children, savings, to go on fun vacations, live in nice homes, and retire without any financial worries. So, what is this 5% doing right? What is it that financially successful individuals do that sets them apart from everyone else? In a five-year research study on the daily habits of wealthy and poor individuals the answer is: it’s your daily habits! (www.richhabits.net) Wealthy individuals have many good daily habits and few bad daily habits. Conversely, poor individuals have many bad daily habits and few good daily habits. The simple reason for this has to do with how you were raised. In wealthy households parents go to great lengths to instill good daily success habits in their children. This creates what I refer to as, “the generational cycle of wealth” and is a materially contributory factor to the wealth gap. It is also the underlying reason why the rich get richer. In poor households children learn bad daily habits from their parents and this creates what I refer to as, “the generational cycle of poverty”. In poor households the poor get poorer and this pattern repeats itself from one generation to the next. So how do you break the generational cycle of poverty?  You need to eliminate your bad daily habits and replace them with good daily habits. STEP 1: Figure out which bad habits are making you poor
  • You watch too much T.V. and waste too much time on social media.
  • You eat too much and drink too much of the wrong things.
  • You don’t exercise enough aerobically.
  • Your relationships are on an “as needed” basis. You only reach out to your friends to socialize or when you have problems and need their help. You don’t call them just to say hello, happy birthday or to congratulate them or console them when something happens in their lives. In other words, you ignore them unless you need them for something.
  • Procrastination is the rule rather than the exception. You don’t maintain or stick to a daily “to do” list.
  • You devote very little time to your career beyond working. You do not attempt to become an expert in your field. To you, work is a necessary evil that one must endure in life in order to survive. Therefore, you do the bare minimum. You have “it’s not in my job description” syndrome.
  • You talk too much and don’t listen enough. Oftentimes, you are putting your foot in your mouth and saying inappropriate things.
  • You are not generous with your time or money with respect to your relationships.
  • You are a spender and not a saver. You don’t save 10% of your income every month. You spend more than you earn and your debt is overwhelming you.
  • You don’t control your thoughts and emotions on a daily basis. You lose your temper too often and belittle others too much.
  • You don’t network enough or at all with respect to your career or field.
  • You don’t set goals or don’t understand what goals really are.
STEP 2: Find good daily habits that will end your poverty The Ten Good Daily Success Habits of Wealthy Individuals (1):
  1. Wealthy individuals have eliminated their bad daily habits and replaced them with good daily habits.
  2. They set daily, monthly, annual and long-term goals. They understand the difference between a wish and a goal.
  3. They engage in daily self-improvement. They engage in four core career-related, self-improvement activities.
  4. They  take good care of their health. They exercise aerobically 20-30 minutes each time, four days a week. They monitor what they eat and how much they eat.
  5. They manage their relationships every day. Strong relationships are the currency of the wealthy. They employ certain strategies to grow their relationships such as: “The Hello Call”, “The Happy Birthday Call” and “The Life Event Call”.
  6. Wealthy individuals live each day in moderation.
  7. They complete at least 70% of the tasks on their daily “to do” list.
  8. Wealthy individuals engage in “Rich Thinking”. They are upbeat, positive and focused on achievement.
  9. Wealthy individuals save a minimum of 10% of their income every year.
  10. Wealthy individuals control their thoughts and emotions, every day.
STEP 3: Re-program yourself with your new good daily success habits
  1. Take out a piece of paper and form two columns. In the first column list every one of your bad daily habits. Call this column your “Bad Habits” column.
  2. After listing all of your bad daily habits invert them and include them under column two, your “Good Habits” column. For example: “I watch too much TV” becomes “I watch 1 hour of TV per day”. “I eat too much” becomes “I eat 2,000 calories per day”. Fill your Good Habits column with these inverted Bad Habits. Keep your ‘good habits’ list with you and refer to it every day.
  3. Live your new good daily habits for 30 days. By the end of this 30 day period you will be unshackled from those bad daily habits that have been dragging you down and creating failure in your life.
So many want what has been called the “American Dream”. Yet, dreaming will only get you so far. The rubber meets the road to financial success only when you begin doing. You need to do certain things every day that will make you successful in life. You need to eliminate your bad habits and re-program yourself by living new good daily success habits. Success is a process. It’s not about random luck, education or superior genealogy. It’s about what you do every day. It’s about your daily habits!

Holiday Recovery 101

Written by Carolyn Eagle on . Posted in Health, Fitness & Wellness, Issues

How many of you are suffering through the ‘January Blahs’? It’s no wonder for many of us this month seems to go on forever. We women hold it together through the hectic holiday season, running the show, with not a minute to even think about getting sick or slowing down. Then, along comes January and we look forward to a little down-time only to be slammed by a nasty cold/sinus infection/cough/insert other annoying bug or virus here. This year, we want to help you make the transition from the December crazies to the dreary or monotonous months of January in good health and good spirits. Here’s the plan: GET SOME EXERCISE: Be kind to your body and do not punish it with extra trips to the gym and grueling pain-inducing workouts just because you managed to eat too much shortbread over the holidays. Focus on feeling healthy, not guilty. Get some cardio to keep your spirits up, plus some strength exercises to make sure you’re staying toned for when the winter clothes are shed again. Rome wasn’t built in a day and that holiday flab isn’t leaving you that soon either. Resolve to be kind to your body and keep it strong and healthy, to improve your blood circulation, boost your energy levels, and to get some alone time to concentrate on yourself. And if you can’t get to the gym, promise yourself you will get in a small walk, some stretching, or just some hopping around to music a few times a week while cooking dinner or doing housework. COOK FROM SCRATCH: Okay, we do realize that not everybody is adept in the kitchen but after a month of fatty foods, sweets, and culinary indulgences, there is something very appealing about a big bowl of homemade vegetable soup and some warm bread, or a nice baked chicken breast with garlic mashed potatoes and wilted spinach. Maybe now is that time to take that slow cooker your great-aunt  gave you three Christmases ago out of the box and give it a whirl. The internet is your friend when it comes to simple, healthy recipes in a flash. KEEP UP WITH HOBBIES AND FRIENDS: Kids go back to school in January (hallelujah) but so can we grown-ups! Adult classes are starting a new semester in January as well, so why not sign up for some pottery, carpentry, creative writing, or salsa dance lessons? Having somewhere to go one evening a week helps to fend off the winter blahs, and meeting new friends is just a wonderful bonus. Keeping up with old friends is another promise you should make yourself this winter. Once the enforced ‘togetherness’ of the holidays is over and we’ve all had time to catch our breath, it’s nice to get together and share a quiet glass of wine with some of your nearest and dearest. When it’s cold and blowy outside, and nobody really wants to brave the noise and clamour of a pub, converge at each other’s houses for some quality time. It’s a great way to stave off the isolation and melancholy that can set in after the holidays are over and winter sets in. LIMIT CAFFEINE AND SUGAR INTAKE: When it’s freezing outside or you’re stressed by playing catch-up after taking time away from the office, a nice hot drink could be just what the doctor ordered. Yet by mid-February many of us often find ourselves on a caffeine induced rollercoaster of fatigue and then sleeplessness. Make it a mission to find non-caffeinated substitutes for your favourite orange pekoes and lattes. There have never been so many varieties of herbal teas or decaffeinated coffees on the market, so dive in and see what you like. You may find that the ritual of sipping from a steaming mug is just as satisfying whether it’s rocket fuel coffee or lemon and honey. And if you simply can’t imagine cutting out caffeine altogether, make sure you don’t consume any after 4pm so that it will have worn off by bedtime. Similarly, the sugary sweets we indulged in over the holidays actually drain our energy. The high  we first experience is actually a spike in our blood sugar level which then causes our body to release insulin. That means a subsequent crash. And if you’re having your sugar with a dose of caffeine, you’ve got yourself a vicious cycle. Take those leftover cookies and treats, and pop them in the freezer (if you just can’t bear to toss them). Not only will you have a small occasional treat for yourself for a few months to come, but freezing them means you have to actually defrost them before you indulge, giving you the chance to reconsider your choice. GET LOTS OF SLEEP: Getting enough sleep means you will have a stronger ability to fight off those nasty winter bugs, it will make you more patient with your loved ones, it will make you better able to focus at work, and studies have shown that people who get less sleep are more likely to put on weight (oh, those late-night munchies)! We women always feel like there is never enough time in the day, so throw caution to the wind and head to bed an hour early for a week and see how you feel. The universe will not come crashing to an end and you may even find yourself waking up more refreshed, less groggy, and capable of being more productive during the day. Most importantly, begin the year as you mean to go on. Do you plan on 12 months of fatigue, sore muscles, and take-out food? Sounds ridiculous, doesn’t it? Forget all the endless articles, commercials, and television shows about diets, resolutions,and food fads. The biggest and most important resolution you can possibly make is to be kind to your body and soul… and in turn they will be kind to you.

START OVER SMART: HOW TO RAISE YOUR ROMANCE VALUE

Written by Patty Contenta on . Posted in Issues, Relationships, Dating & Sex

Are you recently divorced and dreading the thought of dating again? Are you feeling anxious about knowing what the new rules of dating are? Are you clueless as to where to meet men? Have you forgotten how to feel sexy? Do you look in the mirror and hate what you see? These are just some of the thoughts that raced through my head when I got divorced. I even felt angry for being put in a position where I needed to “reinvent” myself…why the heck for! I was great with who I was (or so I thought). It all seemed like such hard work…more work to add on my already plentiful plate. How do I start dating again? Well I’m here to tell you that it doesn’t have to be hard work. It doesn’t have to take much preparation or strategizing. It WILL take you being open to using your body as a way to capture men’s attention…and NOT the way you’re thinking. Oh and I do mean…several men! When you learn how to make slight alterations to your body language in order to have a more sensual, confident and feminine look, you’ll become more visible to men. And with this alluring energy, you’ll be able to attract men at any time of day and in any scenario. It’ll be like a volume button that you’ll be able to turn up or down depending on how you feel. This is why you need to master the art of first impressions. 60% of communication is done through the non-verbal. How you use your body language let’s people know how you feel about yourself. So you need to learn the techniques that will give you quick and easy access to emanate your confidence within seconds because you never know when a quality man will show up. The reality of first impressions is…we all make judgments based on little or no information about someone. Our unconscious mind is picking up on subtle cues and giving you feedback. Studies have shown that men are attracted to 5 specific things when it comes to being with a woman.
  1. Looks: This doesn’t mean you have to look like a model but it does mean you need to be aware of how you dress and put yourself together in a way that enhances your assets.
  2. Sexual ‘Openness;: This doesn’t mean you need to be a porn star. It means you need to exude feminine essence and sensuality.
  3. Fun and Adventure: Real life is boring and men want to know that you can be playful and spontaneous.
  4. Nurturance: Men need to know that you care. They can feel your heart.
  5. Youthfulness: A woman that is passionate about life and allows herself to be silly and at times mischievous.
Of all 5 personality traits, the 3 most important are sexy, playful and caring. If one of these 3 is missing then you’re NOT magnetic. You don’t want to only be his sex toy, you don’t want to only be his friend, and you don’t want to only be his mom…get it ladies? You need a combination of all 3 ingredients to be seen as attractive. I know what it means to be a sexual toy. After my divorce I was an angry woman that was using her sexuality to seduce men and then toss them aside…to give them a taste of their own medicine…or so I thought. I was using my sensuality without my heart…and so I didn’t care about the men I met. This formula was completely wrong and depleted my energy.  However, now that I am using sensuality with the right intention….the feeling is PRICELESS! So let’s look at the first aspect men are looking for…Sexual Openness. You see, men want to feel like you are a woman of pleasure. You can indulge in the senses in a manner that gets him out of his head and into his body. Mistake #1: Walking Without a Swish. When your body is pitched forward with your shoulders leaning forward, you are giving the impression that you are carrying the weight of the world. You engage the wrong muscles and therefore you have no hip action when you walk. In turn this can be interpreted as stiff and rigid…even masculine. Mistake #2: Never Touching Yourself A woman that never touches herself tells men that she is uncomfortable and disconnected with her body. A man may think she has issues with her body image and therefore uneasy with receiving and giving pleasure in the bedroom. I know this may sound harsh, but natural confidence comes through in your demeanor. Mistake #3: Never Smiling A smile seems like a simple concept but in the grand scheme of things is huge. A man is always looking for approval from a woman. He wants to know you are interested in him but more importantly that you are a joyful person that leads a happy life. You see, cheerful people are contagious. We all want to be around people that look at the glass as being half full, not half empty. And your smile tells the world which ‘eyeglasses’ you choose to wear on a daily basis. So ladies, be aware that you cannot NOT communicate. It is in our human nature to make judgments, to pick up on subtle cues and then create an impression. What impression do you want to leave a man with?

How to Handle a Man of any Zodiac Sign

Written by Ilina Trowles on . Posted in How To, Issues, Relationships, Dating & Sex

Aries:  (March 21-April 19) : Fire sign. Thunder and lighting; he’s a fierce lover and an initiator! Aries lover is a romantic and a child at heart but he likes to be kept on his toes. Aries hates possessiveness, so make sure to give him his space. He is a “macho” man, assertive partner, and dominant (hmm, he may desire you to surrender yourself completely if you want to be in his good grace). Taurus (April 20-May 20): Earth sign. Steady, materialistic, and ambitious. Taurus is attracted to beauty, sensuality, and good food. Taurus likes curvy and voluptuous women;  his hands will be all over your rear end as soon he gets a green light. Explicit sex is his speciality! Gemini (May 21-June 20): Air sign. Adventurous, likes to try new things in and out of the bedroom and his mind runs his show. A Gemini lover is a 24/7 experience. You have to be intriguing, and potentially offer to try racy sex games to keep him interested…! Cancer (June 21-July 22): Water sign. Overly emotional, homebody; ‘forget-me-not’ kind of guy. He will love you and cherish you as long you give him some much-needed nurturing. He is the original breast man… so enjoy, ladies. Leo (July 23-August 22): Fire sign. Lover, sex magnet, sex machine, flamboyant, and the list goes on. If you get involved with Leo, you better know how to boost his ego. Leo will give you every pleasure imaginable but you need to know how to keep his fire burning! Virgo (August 23-September 22): Earth sign. Hard working, organized, and overly reasonable sign. If you get involved with a Virgo man, you better listen to his advice because he likes to feel needed and in control. Of course as the sassy, sexy ‘alpha’ you are, you can always advise him back about how to put more fun into his love life! Give him an “erotic math” class by teaching him how to add and subtract his hidden desires and get him more involved with expressing his sexual needs. Libra (September 23-October 22): Air sign. Beauty lover, fond of socializing, fetish for beauty, numerous lovers, flirtatious, exuberant. Be aware that a Libra man will often show you that he is interested in you, but the moment you are overly available, his attentiveness might disintegrate into thin air. If he is seriously interested in you, you had better be prepared, because Libra men know all about partnership, Scorpio (October 23-November 21): Water sign. God of the underworld, and kinky sex. Intensity is his middle name: watch out for possessiveness, jealousy, vindictiveness. You had better be ready for a rollercoaster ride with this one. If you think he will not sting you and give you his deadly poison, you have another thing coming. Scorpio man will own you and consume you, but if you truly want to be with him do not resist, because he will find the way to appease you. Sagittarius (November 22-December 21):  Fire sign. Lover, Casanova, untamed spirit, not often husband material… A Sagittarius man might  lean towards clandestine affairs. He will wine you, dine you, love you and … potentially leave you (because that is what he does). a Sagittarius man will give you sexual pleasure, make you feel special and beautiful, but he has a tendency to want to move on to greener pastures. Enjoy him while it lasts! Capricorn (December 22-January 19):  Earth sign. Calculative, ambitious, controlling, demanding, sensual, dominant. If you get involved with a Capricorn man, you might have to learn to satisfy his needs. He is always in conflict with himself, he loves  money, and he loves his pleasures.To be involved with Capricorn man you have to surrender yourself to the relationship entirely.  Leather and lace would be good way to spice up the relationship. Hmmm – 50 Shades of Grey anyone? Aquarius (January 20—February 18):  Air sign. Generous, emotionally detached, cosmopolitan, hyper, hot and cold behaviour. Aquarius man will love you, make your fantasies come alive, and charm you with his intelligence and inventiveness. Anything new age is of interest to him, and that includes experimenting with new sex toys and trying something with a kick. Be careful, he may be too much to handle. Pisces (February 19-March 20): Water sign. Emotional, needy (!), loves to overindulge in everything. Man Pisces is someone you would love to introduce to your parents. He is on the constant quest for love and a satisfying relationship. He is intuitive, in touch with his emotions, romantic and enjoys ‘intimate moments under the moonlight’. He is not an intensity driven ‘sex machine’, rather a “soft touch massage me all night” kind of guy! Don’t forget he loves to over-indulge in his food and YOU!

***

So how did you do ladies – can you see your man (or past men) in any of these star signs?

The Beginners Guide to Surrender in 6 Simple Steps

Written by Barbara Stanny on . Posted in Health, Fitness & Wellness, Issues

Surrender is NOT for sissies. Surrender, by definition, means relinquishing control…a frightening concept for us control freaks. Surrender drops you swiftly into a sea of uncertainty, at the mercy of your worst fears, producing serious doubts about ever being productive again. I’m speaking from experience here. But, despite the discomfort, I’m fast becoming a fan. Something happened when I stopped struggling to impose my will and surrendered to receiving guidance – financial success started to feel like a spiritual journey. Primitive cultures and Eastern Religions had rites and rituals to honor the ‘Time- Between’. They took their people out of the villages, into the wilderness, allowing them to connect with their spirit guides, reassess old ways of being, recognize their true purpose. But no one teaches us, or even encourages, this practice any more. So, for those of you wishing to take some time out in a rich and rewarding way, I bring you The Beginners Guide to Surrender (so named because it’s written by a total beginner…me!). There’s no need to leave your village, or even your job. Just follow these 6 simple (though not easy) steps. Step #1 – Eliminate everything but the most essential: I remember saying to my guy last winter, “I wish I could take the next month off!” “Why don’t you?” he responded. I gasped. Taking time off was unthinkable. Or was it? I decided to ease into it slowly, by saying ‘no’ to things that didn’t feed my soul, no matter how lucrative…or tempting. I said ‘no’ to speaking invitations, ‘no’ to networking opportunities, ‘no’ to new clients, ‘no’ to writing my newsletter and blog. If anyone asked, I was on sabbatical until further notice. I continued a little teaching and coaching, but only because I wanted to. As a result I was left with a lot of down-time…which, of course, is the whole point. But to many, down-time is a dirty word. And I know why: we’ll do anything to avoid the dreaded step two. Step #2 – Allow uncomfortable feelings to surface: Uncertainty, fear , self doubt–all those demons we’ve been artfully dodging through over-work, over-eating, over-spending and other drugs of choice—will inevitably rear their ugly heads. For me, my biggest fear was being invisible, disappearing, not mattering. I knew that was exactly what I had to face. Because, I knew very well, on the other side of fear is power. And, more than anything, I wanted to retrieve all the power I had given away in a myriad of ways. So, too, I yearned to retrieve all that creativity I felt I lost. To that end, I also knew that uncertainty, as anxiety producing as it was for me, is the natural beginning of all creative acts, a primal state of pure energy, a very fertile time. It’s been an emotional roller coaster, but I buckled in for the ride. As I wrote in Overcoming Underearning: “When you learn to face that which makes you fearful, it need never control you again.” I genuinely believe that! Step #3 – Reassess, reevaluate: The first question most people ask themselves, when facing uncertainty, is: what should I do? I’m here to tell you, that’s the LAST question to pose. The first questions should always be: What do I need to let go of? Where am I giving my power away? A big piece of surrender is letting go of what’s holding us back, reclaiming our power. How do you know what needs to go? Whatever you’re most afraid to release. For me, I was willing to let go of writing, speaking, my business in general, my identity in particular….I was willing to make space for whatever was to come next. I used the time to ask myself questions: What am I here to do? How do I want to live? Who do I desire to help? Where do I want to make a difference? I journaled, meditated, read A Course in Miracles, joined a mastermind group, processed my insights daily with friends. Self reflection became my major focus. Surrender means taking time to go within. It also means looking outward with new eyes. That’s what Step #4 is all about. Step #4 – Receive consciously: Receiving is an acquired skill most of us have never learned. I’ve come to see that Successful Surrender requires Conscious Receiving. And the first Rule of Conscious Receiving is: Give Up Judgment. In other words:
  • Everything that happens, ‘good’ and ‘bad’, is seen as a message or a gift.
  • There is no negative, there is no positive, there is only information.
  • Whatever occurs during Surrender is simply feedback about your future.
For example, during this period, I got an idea for a book, was all excited, and sent it my agent. He rejected it immediately. Normally, I’d be devastated…and, admittedly, I was for a bit. But I began looking for the gift, the message, the lesson. I figured it wasn’t time for the book but I’d be shown when it was. And if not the book, something else will surface. I continued to journal, meditate, self-reflect . Then, a few weeks ago, someone asked me when I was going to do another newsletter. Of course, I took it as a sign. As I wrote it, I felt compelled to blog. Who knows what’s next! Step #5 – Enjoy yourself: Surrender doesn’t need to be so serious. In fact, it shouldn’t be. I believe fun factors heavily in healing. I set an intention to include lots of play and pampering into my schedule, to be vigilant for opportunities to nourish myself. My boyfriend moved in, and what a joy he’s been. I have regular massages. I work out religiously at the gym. I visited my kids and my grandkids. I made plans to go to Sedona with friends. I’m always looking for a good laugh or a big hug, whatever lights me up. Step # 6 – Do what comes next: I’m convinced, as I follow these steps, opportunities -often disguised as coincidences – will arise. In fact, I’m counting on that fact. My job is just to do what’s next, grabbing whatever the Universe tosses my way. I’m still in the thick of surrender, but I swear, I see light at the end of the tunnel. I’m just not sure what I’ll find in that light. But I trust it will be glorious! Not necessarily glitzy or grandiose. But deeply satisfying and truly meaningful. Oh what a grand adventure life is!

Enjoy the Feast Without Getting Fat: A Guide to Conscious Choice this Holiday Season

Written by Elizabeth Anderson on . Posted in Health, Fitness & Wellness, Issues

Ready or not the holidays are full steam ahead!

During this time of year there is an abundance of delicious food and treats available almost everywhere we go: gigantic family dinners, tasting events at local restaurants, and of course personally wrapped fresh baked goodies from neighbors delivered right to your front door. I love to go to festive social events and enjoy delicious foods during the holidays—but, I especially love maintaining my health practices throughout this season of indulgence. There is a way to “have it all,” – the freedom to enjoy the holidays, without having to pay the price of gaining those extra pounds. Here are three key principles that will allow you the freedom to enjoy the holidays, surrounded by abundant food, while still maintaining your waistline.   Principle 1: Abundance vs. Scarcity: Changing the way we view holiday food A mindset of scarcity can make it easy to overindulge during the holidays.  If we view eating certain foods as an expiring opportunity, our tendency will be to overeat.  Yes, the pumpkin cheesecake is amazing, and the homemade rolls are to die for….but this isn’t the only season of the year when fine dining can be enjoyed. Take an honest assessment of the diversity of opportunities you have to eat calorie laden desserts and rich foods.  You may be surprised to note just how many pieces of fudge and other delicacies are presented to you throughout the year.  Being honest and accurate in assessing the abundant opportunity to enjoy good food empowers us to partake of smaller portions, savoring the bites we choose to enjoy, and perhaps passing altogether on foods we don’t truly love.

Principle 2: Everything is a choice: Say “Yes” to yourself

Have you ever been told that something you wanted was “off-limits,” and found yourself wanting that thing even more?  There is something very alluring and enticing about things that are placed in the “off-limits” category in life.  It is human nature.  So, get in the habit of saying “yes” to yourself, and realize you are in control of your choices. Several years ago my uncle told me how frustrated he was that his three year old daughter wasn’t interested in playing with the multitude of toys he had purchased for her.  What she did want to play with were all the breakable items that she had been told “no” to time after time.  Naturally, she wanted most what she couldn’t have, and her tantrums let everyone know that. Consider the foods that may be in your “off limits” category.  The psychology of human nature is similar to that of my young niece—our desires are often magnified by the “forbidden fruit.”  Saying no to ourselves over and over again can allow a residue of pent-up emotions to build within us, perhaps eventually manifesting as an all out binge session.  Choose instead to say “yes” to yourself.  On one occasion saying “yes” may mean ordering a chocolate molten cake.  On another occasion you may choose to say “yes” to your healthy lifestyle and refrain from eating dessert altogether.

Principle 3: Keep moving forward: Indulge and move on

Quite easily, the holiday season can morph from being a few great meals to an all out stuff-fest for several months. After indulging on one occasion it may be tempting to just twirl a white handkerchief in the air and “give up” and just choose to eat anything and everything for the entire holiday season in an unconscious blur.  To feel better you may even tell yourself that you will “start” a diet at a popular future date……the New Year! Realize that when you choose to indulge at an event or feast, you can also choose to do so moderately, and then move on.  Having a few good meals during the holiday season is not going to destroy all of your hard work and good daily habits.   If you have a few occasions that you consciously give yourself permission to indulge, your health goals can still be maintained.  Don’t give up the war simply because you may have lost one battle.

With these simple ways of changing the way holiday food and events are viewed, you can have it all this holiday season.  Focus on what you want most for yourself in health, wellness, and enjoying life. Through doing this, your food choices will be more balanced and fulfilling this holiday season and for the entire year!

How To Soothe His Ego While Holding onto Your Purse Strings

Written by Fiona Fine on . Posted in Relationships, Dating & Sex

Ah, the holidays. Shopping, gift-giving, parties, cocktails, family get-togethers. All of that fun and frolic doesn’t come cheaply and this time of year can be a bit of a drain on the wallet. Luckily, you’ve worked hard to get to where you are in your career. Now you have the extra money to treat those special people in your life and have a little fun while you’re at it. But is this causing friction between you and your man? We asked Jennifer Stokes, bestselling author of Imagine Finding the G spot (oooh – where did your mind go to??) for advice on what an ‘alpha girl’ is to do when the number of zeroes on her paycheque outnumber that of her man.  In the interview with our Editor-In-Chief, Fiona Fine, Jennifer explains to us how to negotiate this tricky situation. “There is nothing more demasculinizing to a man than you making more money than him.  It is like taking his balls and putting them in your briefcase and going to work with them.” Dramatic? Maybe a bit, but men themselves are often at a loss as to why they feel this way. They love strong women who are bold, confident and sassy, but at the same time, they do not like to be made to feel that you as that woman, can get along without them financially or otherwise. So, here are some tips for all of you strong, successful, super-achieving women out there on how to stroke his ego and smooth any ruffled feathers:
  1. Find that one thing he is really good at and where you may not excel. Play it up. Is he a great cook? Is he super handy? Even if you’re no slouch in those areas yourself, make him feel invaluable. Gush a little and downplay your abilities just this once. You’ll be glad you did as he will want to prove himself even more.
  2. Remember what it was like when you struggled with money yourself. Most of us have been there. Think of how you wanted to be treated when it was you and apply this to your man.
  3. If he is the more responsible one in terms of paying bills on time and looking after the finances, let him. There is usually one ‘banker’ in any couple and if you know it’s not a skill you possess, there is no reason why he can’t look after your joint account, even though he is not the primary earner in the relationship. Note though, the bills must be paid from a joint account that you can access at any time, and you MUST still look at them so that you will always know what is going on. Sticking your head in the sand just to appease the situation won’t work well if it blows up.

“You can’t change the past but you can start paying the attention for the future.”

Of course, there is a chance that no amount of ego stroking on your part is going to help the situation. Nobody goes into a relationship expecting divorce but if the worst happens, it is important to know exactly where your finances stand. Jenn Stokes maintains that joint accounts should exist for paying the household bills such as mortgage, cars, and utilities, but that women must have a separate savings account called an ‘imagine account’ where they can put their investments, as well as a  credit card in their name alone. This is the emergency fund, the mad money, even potentially ‘the getting through a divorce’ money. One last piece of advice if you are faced with some stressful times? Know your banker. Ignorance is not an excuse when it comes to your money. In the case of a potential split you need to know exactly what is happening in all of your joint accounts and to make sure bills are still being paid. You may need to freeze accounts or credit cards or lines of credit. Having a relationship with the bank and a knowledge of all your accounts will save some potentially big problems down the road if a disaster happens. In the end, it’s all about control and knowledge, something that every ‘woman who runs it‘ should understand. You are making your own money, and even if you think he needs a little ego stroking, it does not mean you should ever give up controlling your own finances. To get where you are in life, you have worked long and hard, so even if you have to play it down around your lesser-earning man, take pride in your achievements and find a way live it up this holiday season and celebrate your accomplishments.

WHAT SHOULD BE AT THE TOP OF YOUR WISH LIST…

Written by Fiona Fine on . Posted in Issues

Are you the holiday planner in your household? The hostess with the most-est? Head chef, personal shopper, and queen of witty cocktail party banter? We ladies seem to be everything to everybody at this time of year but the stress of keeping it all together can drain our energy and take a toll on our health, making us feel significantly less than sexy. Of course, the downside to misplacing your sexual mojo is that there is nothing quite like a good old fashioned orgasm to improve your health, reduce your stress, make you feel absolutely amazing, and kick your attitude back up to rockin’ levels. Yep, we are going to go there. We are talking about orgasms. Orgasms not only feel great, but they release endorphins (aka the happy hormones) into your system, lowering blood pressure, and even helping you sleep (something that is often in short supply for women!). But what’s a woman to do if you’re between partners, your dance card is empty, or your partner is even busier than you are at this time of year? Sounds like its time to go shopping… for a vibrator! Trust us, it’s the gift that just keeps on giving (and it can be put in a drawer and ignored without questions whenever you want) . Need some convincing? Here is some straight talk about S-E-X:
  • Vibrators have come a long way! Many are designed by woman-owned companies who actually put some thought into creating products that work for women’s bodies. Some are so ‘cute’ and discreet no one would ever know what it was.
  • If you are like 70% of women (that is 7 out of 10 of us!), you may have a difficult time orgasming from penetration alone. A vibrator is not only great for solo play – most guys like them too. No man wants to see his partner unhappy or unfulfilled in the bedroom and you can bet he will be willing and maybe even thrilled to try out a toy that will get you where you need to go!
  • Some women can be shy or inexperienced with self-stimulation. Why not see what a vibrator can do for you. It was a lifesaver for me after my divorce and even now with a full dating card, it is a constant companion for me.
Don’t let the stresses and overindulgences of the holidays lead to getting burnt out, run down, or irritable. Orgasms are as important as sleep, exercise or meditation in helping your body nourish and replenish itself. As Mae West would say, “An orgasm a day keeps the doctor away.”

The Company HO HO HOliday Party: How to Stay Off the Naughty List

Written by Fiona Fine on . Posted in Business, Career & Entrepreneurship, Issues

Ah yes, the holiday party. For some, its one of the perks of the job, for others, about as painful as a root canal. No matter what your feelings about this once-a-year shindig schedule, we have the scoop to help you navigate these holiday minefields with grace, poise, and dignity; you may even come out of them one step ahead up the career ladder! Here are some of the essential Dos and Don’ts of the annual office Christmas Party that will determine whether you come out of it all on Santa’s naughty or nice list: THE NICE LIST (ie. the ‘DOs’)
  1. If there is a scheduled office party… go! Respect that your employer has invested time, money, and energy in hosting this gathering. It can provide you with good exposure, networking opportunities, and visibility if you attend.
  2. Arrive on time or, better yet, 10 minutes early. The least stressful time to make yourself known to your senior staff is before festivities get in full swing. Remember these folks make the key decisions about your future. Be smart and don’t monopolize them.  Maturity is the watchword. Also, early on is when the big brass make some decisions on whom they will potentially socialize with later on during the party.
  3. Remember that everyone is a subordinate to someone at an office gathering. The reality is that this is a business gathering. Someone is always watching you and noticing your behaviour.
  4. Do go out of your way to meet new people but don’t talk straight business. This is a chance for you to grow your network, to meet people you may not always work with, and to find out about peoples lives and interests outside of work.
  5. Keep a level-headed approach. Look at the party as an opportunity to develop and increase socio-office networks to further streamline and improve workplace relations across all levels of the organization.
  6. Consider the company newsletter. Be totally aware of ALL pictures being taken. We cannot emphasize this point enough: you don’t want to be captured in a compromised position, be munching on a chicken wings, doing the lowest of the limbos, or have two cocktail glasses in your hand. Be aware, because those pics WILL live long after the company newsletter meets the web. Keep your head up and prepare for a calm and collected pose.
  7. Remember that the holiday party event can often be a toss-up of who will prove to be the biggest jackass this year. Don’t let it be you!
The NAUGHTY LIST (or the absolutely, positively DO-NOTs!)
  1. DO NOT OVERINDULGE! This may seem like a no-brainer, and yet there are enough pictures floating around the internet the prove that every year, people do not heed this warning. Overdoing it with the alcohol can make you the subject of office gossip, the target or ridicule, and, yes, can even lead to your termination from your job. Alcohol loosens sexual inhibitions and can lead to inappropriate sexual interactions that can get you in A LOT of trouble.
  2. PLEASE leave the kooky reindeer sweater with the blinking nose or the Santa Baby outfit at home. It will be remembered, but most likely not in a good way.
  3. Don’t avoid other holiday parties. Your spouse, significant other, or friend may need an escort. Use that opportunity to network as well (just remember that your behavior reflects on your date!)
  4. This is not the place for flirting! Never troll for affection at the company event—it erodes reputation, can damage your work relationships, and hurt your career. If you need two words to cool your jets, consider these: sexual harassment.
  5. Holiday party hook-ups are NEVER a good idea. Too much fun, too much booze, too much skin, and too many loose tongues can leave you the next day with a hangover, a tarnished reputation, and possibly even a job on the line. You don’t want to become fodder for office gossip (made worse if you’ve temporarily forgotten you’re married), so if you’re crushing on somebody, don’t use the holiday party as your excuse to make a move. The function is, at its core, a business gathering. Hook up with your desired hottie another time.
WHAT SANTA DOESN’T KNOW CAN’T HURT YOU If you just can’t resist the urge to make merry with your office-mates, it is often suggested that the best alternative is a Happy Hour. It should be organized by someone in the office, with an offering of inclusion to all, thus making it fully optional and non-obligatory. This kind of dutch treat, buy-your-own-booze event means that you are self liable. But remember, you are still with your co-workers, so know what is still at stake. From flirting to fornication, you could still end up on Santa’s Naughty List. The holiday office party IS your chance to remind your boss and co-workers why you were hired, not what jobs you’re suited for after hours…and after a few drinks. You want to leave with your dignity and attire in tact, not with people recommending you for AA. Always remember this piece of HR wisdom courtesy of Claire Knowles of Lights On! A Reflective Journey: “The special person you are going home with after the office party…should probably be ONLY your cab driver!”

Inspiration for Women: Desk to Dinner – The Art of a 16 Hour Wardrobe

Written by Fiona Fine on . Posted in Business, Career & Entrepreneurship, Issues

In the ‘80s, I was in full-time ‘corporate mode’. I didn’t even consider wearing clothes that would let me transition easily from work to evening. I didn’t think once about including more “feminine” pieces in my wardrobe. It was suit, pantyhose, belt, high heels, briefcase. IBM set the dress code: that’s what we wore. Period. It took me over 8 years to even try to wear a camisole that might show through my blouse. The thing is, you’re not a man and your clothes are one of your most powerful attributes in creating the juice, the power, the sassiness, and yes, the success you desire! Men’s fashions are much more constrained than those for us women. Our clothes really can help define us. You don’t have to wear the “uniform”  that society created. You’re a force to be reckoned with—a woman who’s smart as a whip, focused, and successful. You’re used to super-achieving in almost anything and everything you want to do. You are someone who KNOWS how to make things happen. And you wouldn’t be here today if you didn’t know how to make it in a man’s world. So …. Be authentic! Show up! Be all the woman you are! There is ALWAYS a way to create a great wardrobe that allows you to shine. I am going to show you how to add some sass and sensuality and confidence to your wardrobe and allow you to maximize the advantage of being a woman. I am going to help you take your wardrobe from the desk to dinner. The truth: Most of us in our late 30’s through 50’s are in pretty much the same shape. Our bodies are not as quite as tight and perfect and 22 anymore. There are saggy bits, wrinkly bits, and even sunspots sprouting up. Our kind of bodies won’t fit in tight revealing clothes made for a size 0 with less than 15% body fat. But that doesn’t mean you have to hide your body in a ‘burlap sack’ or ‘dumpy duds’. If the whole wardrobe makeover is a bit overwhelming, here’s what you want to do: 1. Get a personal shopper Get your butt out of the computer chair and into a clothing store; the right, higher end clothes store, like a Nordstrom, Macy, or Holt Renfrew, to name a few. Start asking about personal shoppers and start talking to them. These people have the information that you need! Ask for a quick consultation before you decide to actually engage a Personal Shopper. Bring some of your staple pieces with you, walk into a store, and get an opinion. That helps you decide who you want as a personal shopper and if they can work with you. You want to look and feel great in the outfits that they select. Tell her (or him):
  • I’d like to add some bold/eye catching pieces to my wardrobe
  • I’d like some ‘swishy’, soft and/or textured pieces
  • I’d like some great accent pieces (eg. shoes, purse/bag)
  • I’d like some tops or blouses that I can wear after work so that if I wear a daytime jacket and take it off, then I have a different look – one that accentuates some womanly attributes.
  • I’d like accessories (scarves, gloves, a hat, etc.)
Remember to take some of your own clothes to the store. Let the Personal Shopper (or a great retail person) offer suggestions so you don’t need to purchase a completely new wardrobe. In fact, you may make several visits. Take some photos of other items with your mobile phone so that you have reference for later. If you are less inclined to get an in-person consultation, go online and search for a fashion consultants for women. The digital age makes it incredibly easy. Google “Image Consultant” or “Image Stylist”. Some will work remotely with you. You can take photographs of some of your wardrobe as well as you in some clothes and post them for advice. If all else fails – let a girlfriend who has impeccable taste go through your wardrobe and then out shopping with you. Lunch is on you! 2. Wear flattering make-up I advocate that  every woman who wears makeup needs either a red statement lipstick or a great pink statement lipstick – something that isn’t just neutral. A colour that says: “Here I am!” Go to a MAC counter or to a specialty counter and get a pro to help you pick the shade. Trust me, they see you in a different light than you do (and tell them in which type of light you will mostly be wearing it).  If you aren’t going high end, another tip is get a tester/sample and ask a friend to judge the tone on you. Also, purchase an “under color” that will soften it during the day. Keep them in your purse. When you wear your softer color during the day (presuming you’ve got time to put your lipstick on at all),  then you can add the darker lipstick at night. 3. Get a great pair of dark washed flattering jeans and a pair of statement shoes Lots of times and in many situations, you may be able to wear a great pair of slimming jeans. Dark wash is really the only pair to consider for the ultimate slimming and “desk wear to dinner” option. Team your new jeans with a great pair of shoes!  I am going to call these your “CFM” shoes (if you have to ask what CFM stands for then ask me on our facebook page:).  These shoes are really tall yet still comfortable. They make a statement out of your legs and silhouette.  With the new platforms that are in vogue, you can get quite comfortable platform shoes. Buy a pair – and no, not just in black! You can keep them at the office and slip them on as you head out the door. You can even provocatively dangle them off your foot if you are so inclined when you are at a bar … men love a high heel and this move especially seems to be a show-stopper! It’s not wrong to play up your feminine sensuality! 4. The underworld Spanx has taken over the world – and for good reason.  (Thank you Sara Blakely!) She has allowed us to to show off our current gorgeous curvy shape by helping us appear slightly tighter and more supported. This bodywear holds us together and we still get to show that we’re women. Get the proper support you need – spend the money and get different pieces. It makes the world of difference to your figure and the clothes you can now choose from. 5. Layers, layers, layers Wearing layers is going to create flexibility in your look and help create an easier transition from day to night. Take off your suit jacket to show a fabulous blouse and skirt and replace the blazer with a pashmina or wrap that can drape seductively over your bare arms. Switch up your accessories, adding more sparkle to your nighttime choices and change up your shoes for your fabulous heels. Remember that you are trying to command attention and that is not going to happen if you look like you just stepped out of the boardroom. So to recap, here are your daytime to nighttime essentials:
  • Wear colour(s)
  • Wear skirts and dresses ideally not pants
  • Wear soft, feminine fabrics that accentuate your assets
  • Wear heels (or a great pair of heeled boots)
  • Invest in some statement pieces like fabulous heels or a sparkly blouse
  • Incorporate ONE sparkly, bold, textured, or bright detail into your outfit.
  • Accessorize!
  • Layer your clothing.
Remember, Rome wasn’t built in a day. Neither is a fabulous wardrobe. Get help or shop online. Once you have the essentials, you will never be wondering what to wear when you are meeting that special someone for cocktails (or looking for the next special someone) or romancing your honey on ‘date night’. It’s both fun and easy to turn from daytime power player to nighttime diva.