Make Over Your Metabolism
(contributed by Elizabeth Anderson) Is there a war going on in your body? Every year I have to be more diligent and work that much harder at keeping weight off and being fit but as always, it’s so hard to find the time. I know a lot of you out there are in the same boat – with the corporate treadmill or running a business, raising kids, relationships, social commitments, ageing parents… We women run it all, and it’s easy to put your own health and fitness on the back burner. So, I called in our health and fitness expert Elizabeth Anderson for some help on getting and keeping motivated. Not only is she Mrs. Utah USA, but she is a Certified Sports Nutritionist and owner of Elizabeth Anderson Fitness: The perfect woman woman to give us the kick in the butt that we sometimes need. In fact, I met up with Elizabeth on a recent business trip in Scottsdale and she did exactly that with her “hotel room workout”! “When you put your health on the back burner you may not feel the results right away but then you start to feel the bulging waistline, and the clothes fitting too small and the low energy. You need a wake up call to make the shift.” Don’t let an either/or mentality get in your way! You can have a great job or a busy life AND be healthy. It’s all about getting your metabolism back in gear! Here’s where you start: Exercise (the Basics)- Get your butt moving: Anything you do to get moving is great. Take the stairs, get off the subway a stop early, go for a walk on lunch. Be conscious of ways to move more during your day and don’t ever let them slip by. They are free exercise time!
- Try a quickie: An hour at the gym can occasionally be murder to schedule. Get an aerobics step and use that for 10 minutes at a time, or jump rope for 10 minutes or take a quick walk outside for 10 minutes. Get your body moving and blood flowing.
- Breathe! When you are stressed your breathing becomes shallow. Exercise deepens out breathing into the diaphragm, fills up the lung capacity and lets all your cells get better and fresher oxygen.
- Release the happy hormones: Exercise not only creates endorphins which are the ‘feel good’ hormones, but it also releases and gets rid of cortisol and adrenalin which are two hormones that cause stress.
- Drop the drugs: Evidence shows that exercise has as many benefits as some antidepressant drugs on the market – with a ton less side-effects.
- Quit making excuses! The busier you are, the more you need to exercise so you can manage the stress and demands of your life, versus “I’m so busy, I don’t have time to take care of myself.”
- ‘Burst’ training or high intensity interval training burns a lot of calories in a short amount of time.
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Start with a warm-up for about two minutes, and then begin your chosen exercise, whether it is running outside, biking, or using a treadmill. It is important to exercise for 1 minute as hard as you can.
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Scale down your intensity slightly for 2 minutes, then repeat another minute of intense exercise. Go through this cycle 6 times!
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This will give you an excellent 18 minute workout which burns a lot of calories, gets tons of oxygen into your system and challenges your body.
Top Ten Fashion Dos for the Plus Size Fashionista
1. Embrace Your Curves Yes, you are a plus-sized woman – so what? You have curves that are not going away anytime soon, and this is okay. So what is a plus-size Fashionista to do? Embrace your curves. Own your curves. Love your curves. Once you come to terms with you and your beautiful curves, fashion will no longer be a hindrance but now a joy that you eagerly look forward to! In addition, the societal barriers will no longer stifle your inner Fashionista! So… have you embraced your curves yet? 2. Think Outside Your Traditional Fashion Box Gone are the days when plus-size fashion was ever called fashion! We now have options that stretch way beyond Torrid, Lane Bryant, Old Navy, and Ashley Stewart. While nothing is wrong with these designers, there are so many more that bring high fashion to you! Thought you could never wear jeans? There is Svoboda, Embody Denim, and James Jeans! Dying to don a designer dress? Then rock a fabulous frock from Monif C., Qristyl Frazier, or Anna Scholz. These are only a few of those who are available to you! Get my drift? Experiment! How will you know what works for your curves, if you do not venture out? 3. Accessorize to Maximize Polishing off your look has never been easier, especially now as there are more and more designers who are catching on, that not all jewelry is created equal! I would be so frustrated when wanting to buy a ring or bracelet that did not accommodate my size. A necklace that stopped just short of hitting the right mark- you know? To complete your look, you should always fashion either earrings and a few bracelets or a necklace and a fabulous ring! Do not forget your fierce handbag and your wicked heels! Its all about your finished look for your style! 4. Love Thy Tailor While many plus-size designers are paying attention to your curves, there is always a need to tailor your pieces that look custom designed for you! What a better way to make a $100 jacket look like a $500 one! Tailoring your outfit creates a polished look that pulls your outfit all together! Nothing looks worse than really cute jeans that are anchoring your curves to the ground! A dress that gapes in the hips only adds to your curves, rather than accentuate them! If you are lucky enough to not have to tailor your pieces- then this rule does not apply to you (although most women with curves will benefit from a nip and tuck of their fits!) 5. Invest in Your Fashion Staples Now, I have been told by many designers for the Plus-Size woman that they hear complaints about some of their prices. While I could agree with you in this economy right now, there are few items that you MUST invest in, in order for you to build and sustain a working wardrobe! Why? These pieces are timeless and seasonless, meaning that no matter the time of the year or whatever trend is hot, you can easily take your key item and update your wardrobe with accents rather than buying a whole new wardrobe each season. These are your classics. What are they? Every woman must have an amazing button up blouse, pair of tailored trousers, at least two pairs of butt hugging boot cut jeans (dark wash), the curve loving LBD (Little Black Dress), and a professional pant or skirt suit. 6. Walk with Confidence Nothing kills an amazing outfit than an insecure person. It distracts from the outfit, only bringing attention to you and how uncomfortable you are, rather than how beautiful you are! Yes, it does take some time to build up that confidence, but the only way you can do this, is to fake it until you make it! Wearing confidence is beautiful, allowing your beauty to reflect and enhance your fashion choices! Do not be shy or apologetic for your curves- OWN THEM! 7. Accentuate the Positive Now ladies, we all have our favorite assets, yes, even you! What are they? Do you love your waistline? Then rock cinched waist belts or dresses. Love your legs? Then show them off with shorter dresses! Basically, when you enhance whichever assets you like the best, your confidence will show through, allowing the Fashionista in you to shine! Don’t know your best feature? You probably already know without even knowing it! Ask yourself, what do you feel most comfortable in, then why? Chances are you will find a reason that relates to your best assets! Me? I love my waist and my cleavage, so I opt for pieces that enhance those curves! I am comfortable and I feel good. 8. Camouflage the Flaws We all have areas we don’t necessarily hate, but do not love either, and that is okay! What you do is hide those flaws! By experimenting with shapes and colors, you will learn how to hide these “flaws” and accentuate those which work for you! Now, by reading this, you are no longer able to say that your whole body is a flaw- NOT ALLOWED! I loathe my tummy and my handles, so you will often see me in a flowy top that flows away from the tummy area that has a v- neck and has an empire cut! 9. Have Fun and Take Risks Clearly finding amazing fashion can be a challenge for a Plus Size Fashionista for the obvious reasons, but that should not detract from the play with fashion! With more and more emerging designers, you are able to experiment with color, shapes, fits, cuts, and pieces that you once thought “not allowed” now that designers are designing with you in mind! Never worn color? Be daring in Yellow! Never worn jeans? Be sassy in the right Skinny jeans! Never gone sleeveless? Be sexy in a strappy bra- friendly top! Get my drift? 10. Let your Style Define Your Curves Each season, the fashion industry highlights the different trends, looks and styles for the season. Take these trends, digest them, and make them work for YOU! Never be dictated by your curves to only wear a particular look! Your clothes and fashion choices should define, enhance, and compliment you and all your wonderful curves! So what is your style? Laid back, boho chic, classic, trendy, or tomboy? Whichever it is, Never let your curves define your style, let your STYLE define your Curves! Keep it Curvy!The Fraud Factor Syndrome: How to Silence Your Inner-Critic and Prevent it from Derailing your Success
The world thinks of you as a smart, successful, super-achieving woman… co-workers, colleagues, and friends admire your accomplishments and bosses shower praise on you.To them you are a pretty, fit, feisty, on the ball woman with much of the world ‘at your feet’. You – you think…if they only knew! Sound familiar? Then you may be suffering from a case of The Fraud Factor Syndrome. The Fraud Factor Syndrome is simply the voice of your inner-critic whispering harsh, judgmental, negative comments in your head that demean and discredit your ability. It is also most often our harshest critic. As a successful career woman or one who owns your own business, no doubt you have had more than one experience with your inner-critic and resulting self-doubts that have taken a toll on your self-confidence, mindset, and self-esteem. However, If you are frequently plagued by your inner-critic, The Fraud Factor Syndrome may be seriously limiting your potential to take pride in your accomplishments and to feel happy and successful. These ongoing conversations essentially prevent you from owning your success and accepting the recognition you get for your accomplishments. Instead you minimize your contribution, give away the credit and deny the fact that your talents and perseverance had much of anything to do with a big accomplishment. The Fraud Factor Syndrome is not a serious problem until the voice of the inner-critic is so loud that it immobilizes you and/or limits your career or business success! The Fraud Factor is not uniquely a woman’s issue, but it seems to take a bigger toll on women than men. Tony Schwartz, in his article for HBR Blog Network post “What Women Know about Leadership that Men Don’t” says it this way … From an early age, men often overvalue their strengths, while women too frequently underrate theirs. In reality, we all struggle to feel a stable sense of value and self-worth. Men often defend against their doubts by moving to grandiosity and inflation, while women more frequently move to insecurity and deferral. Men seek more often to win, women to connect. So long as the path to power is connected to proving you’re bigger and badder, it’s no surprise that men have mostly prevailed.” Striving for perfection is a common symptom. You excessively over-prepare, over-analyze, and repeatedly scrutinize your work to compensate for your perceived shortcomings.- You may not have the confidence to apply for a big promotion or strategic project or ask a client to hire you for a valuable contract.
- You avoid speaking up in a meeting or in public because you minimize the value of what you have to say.
- You would do anything rather than have to stand in front of an audience and give a presentation.
- You promote other men and women over yourself when asked if you know of anyone that can take on a new role or promotion.
- You don’t know how and when to ask for the raise or promotion that you have earned (not just deserve).
Seven Tips to Minimize the Impact of
The Fraud Factor Syndrome:
- Make a list of five success stories from your recent past.
- Identify your top five strengths. The book on online assessment Strength Finder 2.0 by Tom Rath is a simple and affordable tool
- Ask five colleagues to name your top strengths (If this makes you uncomfortable you have permission to tell them your coach, Jean gave you this assignment.)
- Notice and jot in your calendar or journal the circumstances when your Fraud Factor Syndrome is most noticeable.
- Look for a common theme in these situations that fuel the problem.
- Catch yourself when you are being a harsh judge and change your conversation into the encouraging words you would use when speaking with a colleague, co-worker, or teenage daughter.
- Finally, talk back to your inner-critic. Ask her for evidence!
“Why Your Wallet Is Like Your Vagina”
(contributed by Jenn Stokes)We bet you haven’t heard this one before!
Jenn Stokes, bestselling author, motivational speaker and media personality told me all about why you need to think of your wallet just like you do your most prized possession – your vagina. (Seriously, I don’t make this stuff up!)
1. Knowledge is power: Just like with your body, you need to know as much as you possibly can about your money in order to use it and take proper care of it. Read all of the books by authors who tell it like it is. Google money tips. Ask your banker for advice. Speak to your girlfriends. Make sure you ask as many questions as you can and be proactive. Remember that the government and the banks make more money from you if you are ignorant.
2. Know your weaknesses: Think about your ‘money personality’… Does your romantic decision-making fly out the window after a few glasses of wine? Can’t be totally trusted in the mall with a credit card? That’s equally important to know. Malls and stores love successful women and they want us to spend our money with them. Be aware of your money personality when you are making spending decisions. Get support to break bad habits!
3. Be smart about what goes in and out: The comparison on this one is pretty straightforward. The less activity the better and the more you know about what goes in and out, the better!
4. Protect yourself and make sure everything is in good working order: This goes back to the whole ‘knowledge is power’ motto. Your vagina should be your prized possession, and you need to think of your wallet the same way. You only have the one and you need to make sure you protect it. Be informed, be proactive. Ask questions and don’t open it up for just anybody!
Remember that you are a smart, successful woman and even if your career and your money-making is at an all-time high, without careful consideration and awareness, things can come crashing down quickly. If it can happen to your love life, it can happen to your finances. Take care of your wallet. Treat it with respect and thoughtfulness and it will reward you in some pretty amazing ways, just like… well, we’re sure you get the point by now!
A Guide to the ‘The Holy Grail of Women’s Orgasms’
(contributed by David Shade) Ladies, you will want to get your man to read this one too, because we are holding them personally responsible for your pleasure (you have your part to play yet your guy has a leading role!) It’s time to talk ORGASMS… As you know from our January issue, I interviewed David Shade, ‘The Renegade Sex Expert’ and bestselling author of the book The Secrets of Female Sexuality to bring you the secrets to achieving that ‘holy grail’ of female sexual pleasure, the vaginal orgasm. Female sexuality is primarily mental. As I bluntly said in our interview: “a woman’s orgasm begins between her ears” and “foreplay can be anything and everything that happens to a woman through the course of her day” (ie. long before she enters the bedroom). This is also the key to why so many of us women find it difficult to over-ride our inhibitions, let go and enjoy the deep, satisfying pleasure of a vaginal orgasm. [My comment: A vaginal orgasm is longer, deeper, more emotionally satisfying than the intense ‘release or spike’ of a clitoral orgasm]. Many of us women believe that only the ‘lucky’ ones have vaginal orgasms – in fact evidently only 30-40% of women ever experience them in their lifetime. David and I disagree: every healthy woman is capable of soul satisfying orgasms and vaginal orgasms are your birthright! Netting it out: what it takes is learning to connect the pleasure centres of the vagina to those in the brain; to let loose and get lost in the moment and to release your inhibitions and self-sabotaging behaviors; to give yourself permission to feel deep pleasure! Here are some of the top tips on achieving a vaginal orgasm: For a Woman (self pleasure or with a partner):- Throw away the damned vibrator! (or, at least take out the batteries). Vibrators make women dependent on clitoral stimulation and orgasms. That is not what you are aiming for. Use a ‘lifelike’ substitute and let your imagination go. Women’s imagination or fantasies and emotions are a key ingredient to releasing emotion.
- Practice the emotion that you would feel with a partner and/or allow yourself to fantasize about any and all aspects of pleasure – letting go is as much a mental exercise than a physical one.
- Be pleasure oriented, not goal or time oriented. Give yourself time and be in the moment – all the moments – with yourself or with your partner.
- Keep your goal under wraps. Nothing will cause her performance anxiety faster than telling a woman that you are aiming for a vaginal orgasm (because so few women believe they are capable of them!)
- Understand that your pleasure has to come from her pleasure.
- Keep her involved in the journey, and let her know that you are enjoying it and truly desire her and her pleasure.
- Do not feel frustrated if she at first cuts you short and does not allow you to continue pleasuring her. Many (if not most women) fall prey to self-sabotaging thoughts of ‘its taking too long’ or ‘I just can’t get there…’ or ‘He must be getting frustrated or tired, we have to stop…’.
- Take any and all opportunities to learn, to collect intelligence for the next time that you are together so that you can try once again to sweep her away. Progress is good no matter how incremental.
- For a woman who has never experienced vaginal orgasm, and who has a ready and willing partner, David Shade recommends using the middle finger first, rather than the penis, because it allows significantly greater flexibility and movement.
- The goal is to stimulate the “anterior fornix” of the vagina, which is a ‘deep spot’ 3½ to 4 inches inside the front wall of the vagina. This is the easiest way for a woman to be brought to her first vaginal orgasm. Note: the deep spot is different from the famous G spot.
[check out http://masterful-lover.com/
- Once a woman has experienced her first vaginal orgasm, she should be able to recognize and repeat the sensation much more easily, in a way ‘training’ herself to achieve vaginal orgasm over and over.
Tantra Sacred Loving Step by Step
Tantra loving is your answer!
Tantric Sex is becoming the sexual learning of choice for women (and men) who want to have it all: a passionate love life, a healthy body, and spiritual growth.
Tantric lovemaking involves breathing exercises, muscle contraction exercises, sound, visualization, affirmations, creating a sacred loving space and other rituals, meditation, sensual massage, and sexual play. In order to create enough sexual energy to move into ecstatic states of divine connection Tantrikas make love for long periods of time, experiencing extraordinary levels of pleasure along the way. You would (reportedly) be in the company of Sting/Trudie, Tom Hanks, Heather Graham and P. Diddy among potentially the woman who sits next to you on the subway!
You can see and feel a difference in your lovemaking experience right away if you follow these steps.
Tantric Lovemaking Step by Step:
1. Intention
“Regular” lovemaking has a goal – orgasm.
If you both come at the same time you’ve done it “really, really well”. If neither of you come at all you may as well have spent your time elsewhere. With Tantric loving, there is no goal. There is a purpose however, and that purpose is union. Every aspect of your Tantric loving serves that purpose. Your intention is to merge with your lover in all aspects – body, mind, heart and soul – not just body. You can help this along by looking at your lover differently, by seeing your partner as a god or goddess, as a living expression of the divine. Look for the glory, the beauty and the wonder in your playmate and in yourself and let that shine.
2. Creating a ‘Sacred Space’
Take time to set the mood.
You can transform an ordinary space – a bedroom or living room – into a sacred space. To do this, takes only a few minutes and costs little or nothing. The important thing is your intention, not the specific items you use.
– First, clean and de-clutter the room.
– If it is evening, dim the lights and use candles all around the room.
– Bring in some plants or fresh cut flowers. A bowl of fruit is very sensual. You may wish to have a bottle of wine to share.
– Bring special objects into the room. Any objects that have emotional importance for you will work very well. Create your lover’s bed.
– Make up the bed with clean linens and have lots of pillows handy.
When you have finished creating the space, take a few moments to purify it energetically. That means consciously sending away negative or fearful thoughts and feelings, and inviting in those that are joyous, passionate and safe. You can even create your own rituals with sweetgrass, incense, and musical instruments.
The Lover’s Purifying Bath:
Don’t forget to cleanse each other in preparation for your joyous union. A shared hot bath with essential oils and bath salts is perfect (a shared shower is also so very sensual). The essential thing is to be squeaky clean. After all you will be eating off that skin! Sensually prepare your bodies for the delights ahead.
Honor, Respect and Permission:
Trust, surrender and opening your heart are essential if you want to reach the heights of bliss. It is not just technique that will get you there. You and your lover must join together as loving equals on the sexual journey.
Ladies: Let your man know that he is safe! He may act all macho and tough, showing little emotion, but you know that inside most men are afraid of emotional intimacy. The tougher a man acts the greater this fear of letting go, surrender and trust will likely be. Let him know that you recognize his strength, but also invite him to show his feelings. Let him know how much it turns you on when he shows some vulnerability mixed with his many strengths. Tell him how handsome he is and how talented. Mention all the things you like most about him. Tell him why you love him so strongly. Tell him how much you think about him when he is away, and how you have fantasies about making love to him and touching him when he returns. Make him believe that you really want him sexually. Finally, ask his permission to passionately love him in your practice of Tantra sacred sex.
Men: Think of the vagina as a potential opening rather than as ‘always being open’. Do not ever take your lady for granted! Tell her how much you care for her and respect her. Tell her how much you love her. Speak words of adoration into her ears as you gently blow on them and nibble on her ear lobes. Let her know that you think of her constantly and how strong your desire is to make love with (not to) her. Also, let her know that you invite her to awaken sexually and to express her sexuality fully. Let her know that you are NOT caught in that tired old cultural conditioning that still insists “good girls” do not enjoy sex – the Madonna/Whore split. Make her believe you when you tell her that you know she can be all she wants to be: a successful career woman, a respectful daughter, a faithful wife, a caring mother, a passionate lover and a sincere spiritual seeker all at the same time. Tell her how beautiful she is, how wonderful she smells, and all the things you appreciate most about her. Finally, ask her permission to passionately love her in your practice of Tantra sacred sex.
3. Foreplay
After you have asked and received permission to love each other up, tune into each other. Two simple ways to do this are through harmonizing your breathing and by looking deep into each other’s eyes. By matching your breathing rhythms and making soulful eye contact you connect energetically as well as physically. Begin to explore each other’s bodies with wonder, lust, and playfulness.
Remember, in Tantra sacred loving there is no goal. You are not trying to get somewhere. Each act of loving is complete in and of itself. Once you master how to work with your sexual energy many men and women will discover that they can have orgasms just by touching fingers together. Indeed, you can have orgasms just by looking into each other’s eyes! So men are not in a hurry to get at the woman’s breasts or into her vagina. When touching her body, start at the extremities and work in toward the breasts and genitals. Start with the fingers and toes and work in. Go slowly! Generally men enjoy having their genitals touched at any time, but women usually only enjoy having their breasts and genitals touched after they are already sexually excited from other touching, stimulating conversation, or emotional connection. Make sure the woman is well lubricated before any attempt at intercourse. If possible, help her to have a clitoral orgasm before moving on to intercourse.
4. Intercourse
The usual 5 to 15 minutes of lovemaking is typically not satisfying for most women. Men need to learn to delay ejaculation so that active lovemaking can be extended for hours. Men can learn to delay ejaculation not just during one lovemaking session, but for weeks or months at a time. Any man who masters this will eventually have the happy experience of orgasm without ejaculation. Orgasm without ejaculation will not deplete the man’s energy the same way that a regular ejaculatory orgasm does. This means that a man can have more than one orgasm; indeed, he can become a multi-orgasmic-man. When the man is able to last longer, it is much more likely that his female partner will also have multiple orgasms.
Although Tantric loving lasts several hours, this does not mean you are having active intercourse during that entire time. Intercourse is interspersed with touching, oral play, quietly holding each other. It is a good idea for a man to allow his erection to subside every 30 minutes to exchange the blood supply and recharge his hormone levels.
5. The Passion Pump (Moving Your Energy)
This muscle contraction exercise is very simple and can extensively increase your ecstatic union.
If you were urinating and stopped the flow of urine in mid-stream you would be contracting exactly the right muscles for The Passion Pump exercise in exactly the right way. So imagine that you wanted to alternately start and stop the flow of urine. This squeezing and relaxing of muscles around your genitals is called the PC Pump. It’s the first and most important exercise in learning to circulate your sexual energy.
At the peak of sexual arousal, either during intercourse or manual/oral stimulation stop your normal lovemaking movements and focus instead on moving the sexual energy that’s pulsing in your genitals. Move it up and through your body. Use slow, deep abdominal breathing to keep your body relaxed. Add the PC pumping action and visualize moving energy up your body in a ball of fire or a wave of light or a current of electricity. Through your eyes, your hands, your genitals you can learn to direct and pass this powerful force on to your lover.
6. Afterplay
Regular lovemaking usually ends when the man ejaculates, but when men have learned to postpone ejaculation, stopping lovemaking then becomes a matter of choice. With Tantric loving you wind down your loving time with slow caresses, words of endearment and honoring each other with food and drink.
7. Sharing Wine, Food and Other Sensual Pleasures
The sharing of good food, wine and other intoxicants, sensual massage, dressing up in costumes and playing sexual games are part of the ancient Tantric tradition. While Tantra is serious, it need not be heavy. Lighten up; be playful, lusty and daring!
Tantra lovers know that they are personally responsible for their own sexual fulfillment and their own spiritual progress. This may be especially important for men. Many men experience a great deal of performance anxiety.
But even the greatest, most sensitive, highly skilled Tantric lover cannot make a woman have orgasms. She must be able to go to that place in herself that is orgasmic. Sexual/spiritual ecstasy has little to do with control. It requires trust, surrender and letting go. Both lovers must learn to do this. If there is some psychological work to do before you will allow yourself to open in this way, then get on with it! In the meantime, please each other with the preparation, serving and consumption of fine food and drink. Lavish each other with touching in sensual massage. Dress up (and down!) for each other. Take on different personalities with different costumes. Wear masks! Play and laugh together often. Celebrate your spirit through your sexuality. Open your heart. Let your lover in and your love out!
Can a Broken Heart Kill You?
The holiday season is over, many of us may still be paying off bills, we are in the dead of winter and, love it or hate it, we are in the build-up to Valentine’s Day – complete with an abundance of pink hearts and frilly chocolate boxes. It is either the best or the worst of days depending on your point of view.
For those who are not fans of this Hallmark holiday, Valentine’s Day can be a time to feel a little bit blue and/or fed up with all the fuss. But for others it can be a major source of stress. It can add to the heartache of a broken relationship, or bring on a new wave of grief and loss. It can be lonely and stressful and even make you feel that you need to stay on the sidelines of life because you don’t have anyone ‘special’ by your side.
My question is: has anyone died from a broken heart?
We decided to investigate whether being ‘broken or lonely hearted’ could really lead to physical risk. We were shocked by what we discovered…
‘Takotsubo Syndrome’ was only first identified in Japan in 1991 and has since been commonly renamed in the western culture as “stress cardiomyopathy” or “Broken Heart Syndrome”
Broken Heart Syndrome, it turns out, is real, it’s rough, and it can be dangerous – and it seems to hit women more often than men (90% of diagnosed cases*). Even worse, when women complain of their ‘broken’ heart they are often ignored! Another ailment that is “all in our head”?
Here’s some facts: in layman’s terms, Broken Heart Syndrome (BHS) is a cardiac incident brought about by the body releasing a sudden surge of chemicals, including adrenaline, which can shock the heart muscles and cause them to stop working properly. Specifically it is the spasming of the left ventricle of the heart, causing loss of blood flow – just like a heart attack. It even presents with the same symptoms as a heart attack: chest pain, shortness of breath, arm pain, nausea, and sweating. But instead of an arterial blockage (as in a heart attack), when doctors test, they find the left ventricle misshapen to the point where it is constricting blood flow.
What can cause Broken Heart Syndrome?
- Extremely stressful incidents like the loss of a loved one, or a pet; sudden bad news; heated arguments with family; relationship breakups, divorce, or an accumulation of stresses leading to a final, triggering event.
- Physical stress such as an asthma attack or even low blood sugar.
Who is most at risk?
Although anybody can experience Broken Heart Syndrome, because it is largely stress-related, the majority of sufferers (approximately 90%) are women of menopausal age! Researchers have concluded this may be because the level of oestrogen (which helps women cope with huge stresses), is significantly lowered in menopause. A lessened ability to cope with stress plus the inevitable stresses of mid-life (divorce, parental death, etc) create the perfect circumstances for Broken Heart Syndrome.
Can it be fatal?
Yes – actually it can be. While some patients can be absolutely fine within days of an incident, there is a possibility that the heart muscle can be so constricted that it can no longer pump blood to the body fast enough, causing heart failure. So theoretically and physiologically, yes, we can die of a broken heart. However, most people do survive broken heart syndrome, just like they survive a broken heart.
What can you do to avoid BHS**?
- Talk to your doctor if you have been undergoing emotional stress, trauma, or grief – in fact, talk to anyone!
- Express your emotions. Don’t hold it all in. This allows your body to respond better to stress.
- Only you can set the time limit on your grief: whether it’s for the death of a loved one, or the death of a relationship, do not let others set the agenda or timeframe for your grieving. Be proactive to figure out ways or mechanisms to alleviate your pain or grief.
- See your doctor regularly and make sure you report any new aches and pains so they are up-to-date on your medical history.
- Keep yourself fit, eat well, and get into a regular routine of sleep.
- If you do not feel up for it, then limit your exposure to the holidays and social gatherings that upset you. Be true to yourself and what you feel you can handle.
- Make sure you do something that is good for your body and soul – go for walks, take bubble baths, listen to music. Participating in something enjoyable will lessen the stress on your body. As you feel broken hearted, remind yourself of what you are grateful for.
- if you feel broken hearted, still try to hang out with friends that empathize with what you are going through and who gently encourage you to live life to your fullest definition. The cliche is true that in many cases “time heals” a broken heart.
Although Broken Heart Syndrome is a very real medical condition, in many ways our ability to avoid it is up to us. Large-scale stress happens in life. As we age, we realize that it is unavoidable. In the end, our ability to cope with it and not have it trigger or contribute to major health problems, relies on our ability to handle the smaller daily stresses that we encounter all the time. In essence, the more time we spend loving in our daily lives, the less chance we will ever die of a broken heart!
*http://www.webmd.com/heart/
5 Ways to Keep Learning and Growing – Even on a Tight Budget
Believe me, I remember what that was like. In fact, things got so bad when I first started my business back in New York 10 years ago that there was one evening I couldn’t even take out $20 from the ATM. (And even if I did have cash to spend, I didn’t know where to find a mentor anyway.) So what’s a girl to do when she’s on a budget? Answer: Learn all she can within her means. While in-depth courses and high-level mentorship programs deliver a complete plan for those who are ready to invest and move forward quickly, don’t forget about tried and true low-budget learning options. The five I list below are surely nothing new, but often times we forget they are here for the taking! The only trick is you have to motivate yourself. 1. Books: Yes, books. Remember books? There are millions of helpful and educational books out there. Both new ones in bookstores and used ones at the library. Ones to inspire you, to motivate you, to help you think differently, and delivering specific steps to grow yourself and your business. Spend a rainy afternoon in a Borders or Barnes & Noble with a coffee and see what strikes your fancy. Or finally get that local library card and see what they have to offer in their business and self help sections. Bonus: Most libraries also carry CDs and DVDs that they rent for free or a low fee, and usually you’ll be able to find several educational titles. 2. Free ezines and reports: Search your topic of business online and you’re bound to find tons of free online information and many in the form of ezine subscriptions and reports. From marketing to moneymaking, from advertising to finding clients, if you search for it you will find it. Just know these media – being free – are typically more introductory information and used as lead generators. But good content can surely be found! 3. Free teleseminars and webinars; Along the same lines, many experts are also hosting free teleseminars and webinars day and night around the globe. All you need to participate is a phone or an Internet connection. From business training to personal development – search and you will find as well! As with free ezines and reports, you can learn a lot from these events, but just expect a sales offer during the session. 4. Free and low-cost live seminars: Even adult education classes via organizations such as the Learning Annex are great to get started. Even though they usually feature very basic info, I’ve found these classes are still good to help reboot your brain and give you some new ideas to walk away with. If you live in a major city you can also almost always find free or low-cost seminars to attend as well, if you keep your eyes and ears open. But remember, the hosts of these events aren’t nonprofits! Expect a sales invitation to buy their products or enroll in a program. Just realize this upfront as you go in and graciously decline should you choose not to take advantage. 5. Lower-priced information products and programs: If you can’t afford a live mentor, how about one in a box? That’s how I started! And I admit it was even from a TV infomercial. Back when I had finally quit my last job 10 years ago, I was lost and frustrated. I had started my business but was down to just a few hundred dollars in my bank account. One late night I was up and turned on the TV and saw an infomercial for Tony Robbins’ “Personal Power II”. (Funny enough, I could barely see it on the screen since I couldn’t afford cable TV and was watching it via old-fashioned rabbit ears.) If I remember correctly, the product was $179 at the time. That was a huge stretch for me, and I opted for the payment plan. And when those cassettes arrived (yes, I got the cassettes because they were cheaper than the CDs), I dove into them like a box of chocolates! Tony became my virtual mentor as his voice of encouragement, showing me how to think big, was played in my ears every day while I rode the subway. If you’re not growing, you’re dying… Remember that not having cash to invest in your business is no excuse to sit on your bum. There’s a great saying, “God helps those who help themselves.” Having money isn’t a prerequisite to step forward to grow and become your best. The only requirement to your stepping into your greatness is your true desire to do so. © 2009 Alexandria Brown International Inc.TIPS FROM TOP WOMEN CEOs ON TRYING TO BALANCE WORK AND FAMILY
Balance is something that we, as women, are constantly struggling to achieve, and the truth is that few of us ever do. Personally, I don’t even use the word ‘balance’ anymore, because it is just too time-consuming a struggle, and I seek ‘harmony’ instead. In today’s world, where the majority of women are now working outside of the home, and climbing higher in the corporate world than ever before, it is important for women to share how they manage to strive for it all, to reveal what works and what doesn’t so that we can all benefit and learn from each other’s struggles and triumphs Here are some tips from some top women execs in North America (1):- Don’t give up that precious time you have with your young child(ren). Go to the swimming lessons and music groups because you will never get that time back. Focusing on your business or career will be easier once your children are slightly older.
- Accept that there will be days when you will not be a great mom – and other days when you will not be a great boss.
- Keep life simple: shorten your commute, live close to work, schools, and daycare.
- Don’t say ‘no’ to help – ever! Hire a nanny, recruit grandparents, and accept carpool offers for your kids. Outsource household jobs that do not have an impact on your kids, like laundry and housecleaning.
- Put away your phone, turn off your computer, and refuse emails when you are home with your family. If you must, there will always be time to sneak a peek after they have gone to bed or gone to their rooms.
- Be clear at work that you need to leave at a reasonable time but while you are at work, stay focused on the task at hand.
- Make sure your children know what you do for a living and that you love your job. They are less likely to see your work as a threat to their time with you.
- Never be afraid to let your employers or clients see that you are a real person with a life outside of work. They will be more understanding of the times you need flexibility in your schedule.
- Ideally, be present with your family for the important stuff, like homework time, or school drop-off or sporting events. Try not to miss recitals or other school and recreational events that help to define your children and their relationship with you. My vote though – just do your best! Guilt is a wasted emotion – let it go as quickly as possible. Society doesn’t owe you anything and you make your own rules. My own personal rule: I am constantly striving for harmony as balance is too tippy for me.
“On The Women to Watch List”:
Jessica Herrin: CEO and Founder – Stella & Dot- had two kids while founding the company
- still took time to do swim lesson and infant classes with her kids
- didn’t focus on how quickly the company was growing, focused on her kids
- has no regrets
- was running a factory when her child was a newborn
- felt constant guilt about not being with clients enough and then guilt about taking work home
- felt guilt over not working out and looking like a supermodel
- “There are days when I’m an awesome CTO but perhaps I’m not the best mom that day and other days I would leave work early to be at my sons graduation or recital… because that’s important.”
- planned her life so there is an 8 block radius between her daughter’s school, her home, and her work
- achieves balance by having great nanny and grandparents nearby
- puts her phone and computer away when she gets home except in case of emergencies
- when she is at work, her focus is on work
- enjoys every minute with her daughter
- tells her team there are no emails between 6 and 9pm
- leaves work at a reasonable time
- outsources what your kids won’t notice, like laundry.
- is there to walk them to school and help with homework
- rolls the kids into work and work into the kids
- makes sure her kids understood what she did from an early age
- takes kids on work trips and lets them meet clients and see the world with her
- her kids see her work as an amazing opportunity and benefit and not as something that pulls their mom away
- lets her clients know she is a real person who has a life and family outside work so that they will understand that sometimes she has to leave
How To Find the Right Man for Bliss in the Bedroom
We know, we know, we can practically see you rolling your eyes! Another article on finding Mr. Right to go along with the thousands already out there. We feel your pain. But, we here at Women Who Run It: Your Life – Your Love – Your Terms! promised to bring you the information you need with no B.S., no fluff, and no fillers, and we plan on keeping good on that promise! I recently spent an enlightening hour speaking with David Shade, who is known as The Renegade Sex Expert (he came referred by one of my guy friends). David is the bestselling author of The Secrets of Female Sexuality and I was dying to hear what he had to say about how an ‘alpha’ woman who runs it all during the day can find a Masterful Lover™ for ultimate sexual fulfillment at night! One reason why so many women are not finding sexual fulfillment, David believes, is that as women who run it all during the day, taking on the world, and maintaining control, we really need to be ‘submissive’; to give up, let go, to feel deep pleasure in the bedroom. Sex is a mental playground for us women, and in order to achieve the release of an orgasm, to be cherished and adored, and to not be in charge (even for a little while), we have to learn to just let go and let the man lead us and take charge of our pleasure. Now, I know that is tough for most of us! [I personally had trouble getting my head around the idea that I have to submit to a man until I reframed it to surrendering into my own pleasure.] But how do you find a man that can lead us to full-on bliss in the bedroom? David says to think of it like hiring good employees and empowering them. Find a really great guy, one who is not intimidated, one who is turned on by the power and control you maintain during the day, and then let him do what he is good at – pleasuring you! Here is where you need to put some detective skills to work on finding that man:- Men learn to be men from their fathers, so you must find a man whose father was a good role model, whom he respects and who respects and treats his own wife well (ie. your beau’s mother).
- Men learn how to have healthy relationships with women from their mothers. You need to look for a man who has a good, healthy, functional relationship with his mother.
- Third, you need to find out if he is going to be willing to take the lead in the bedroom with your pleasure foremost in his mind. BEFORE you hit the bedroom or even third base, pose some hypothetical questions to him about sexuality and see how he responds. What will he do when you tell him you ‘like to get a little bit naughty’? Is he responsive or have you scared him away? Men inadvertently tell us EVERYTHING we need to know in the very very early days of dating – if we pay attention!!
- Once you feel like you have a potential “masterful lover’ on the hook, let him know that you want to let go in the bedroom – to not be in charge all the time. Does he take charge? Is he up for the task?
- Relax and let him take charge
- Stay away from the self-defeating language
- Do not get caught up in the societal misconception that a man just wants to ‘get off.’ A truly enlightened man wants to take responsibility for your pleasure and in turn that brings him immense pleasure as well.