ROMANTIC SCIENCE

Written by Fiona Fine on 9 May 2013. Posted in Issues, Relationships, Dating & Sex

Contributed by Cindy Lu and Fiona Fine

Romantic Science? If you are thinking that those two words go together about as well as oil and water, you are about to be proven very, very wrong.

Author, actress and relationship expert Cindy Lu thought so as well, until she decided that listening only to her heart was getting her absolutely nowhere in her love life. When she decided to turn things upside down and combine her heart and her head, that’s when she developed The Four Man Plan and found love. So, get out your pencils and your graph paper, because you are about to learn the science of romance.

The Four Man Plan flies in the face of conventional dating wisdom and thumbs its nose at society’s expectations about how ‘good girls’ should conduct their love lives, which is why we at Women Who Run It! and our sister company HowToPutTheFunBackIntoDating.com love the idea so much and use it ourselves.

Cindy started with the idea that she would divide up her expectations and try to fulfill her love life without it all having to come from one man. Why? Because, as she explains, “I was expanding into a world of men that was just delicious and different and things that I’ve never experienced before. So, I went from just always trying this ‘one food, my favorite food, every food was going to be my last meal’, to realizing that the world was an absolute buffet and variety was the spice of it.”

Sounds kind of yummy? Then sharpen those pencils and let’s get started.

Science 101: The Mantris Graph

Make yourself a graph with four squares. Now divide each of those into four again. This is going to represent your love life. Here’s how it works:

The ¼ Man. These guys obviously takes up only one of the tiny ¼ squares. These are the guys you are chatting with online, who you meet on dating sites and may not have even met yet.
The ½ Man. This is the guys who you have met at least once and you have been clear with him that you are seeing other men.

The Whole Man. This is the guy that you are starting to develop feelings for. Maybe there has been some kissing and holding hands, but you haven’t slept with him yet.
The 2 1/4 Man. Nobody expects you to live like a nun, but if there is sex, then that guy definitely needs to take up more space on your chart. By ranking him at 2 ¼, it means that by the numbers, you don’t have room for another guy like him in your love life!

[Editor’s Note: To get a great visual – buy the book “The Four Man Plan” by Cindy Lu in our Check It Out section!]

MEN LIKE COMPETITION

Now that your graph is starting to fill up, its important to remember that many guys actually enjoy a little healthy competition for a woman’s affections. Remember that you need to be very up front with the men you are dating and they should know you are “not dating exclusively” as Fiona puts it. Many men like a little time and space, they like to meet a little resistance, before they decide how they feel about you. Don’t forget, throughout history, men until very recently, had to make a bid for a woman and possibly compete for a woman’s hand. The fear of loss for them is greater than the hope for gain, so if a man knows he could lose you to another man, that is a much greater motivator to step up and win your affections.

YOUR DEEPEST INTENTIONS ALWAYS SHOW THROUGH

No matter how much a woman may insist that she wants a casual relationship, men can always tell if they are mentally being fitted for their wedding tux. What The Four Man Plan does is allows us as women to diversify and to not pin all our hopes on one man. We can enjoy the dating process, learn a lot about ourselves and be more prepared for when we are ready to enter a more serious relationship. In addition, a woman who is not looking for every man to be ‘Mr. Right’ is more appealing to a man and he can get to know YOU, and contemplate you as a person and as a match, rather than being scared off by too much too soon.

HOW TO FIND THE TIME FOR ALL YOUR MEN

Now that you’re on the plan, you may be wondering how on earth you find time for all those men. Cindy and Fiona maintain that it’s nowhere as difficult as it seems. One whole weekend day, or maybe half a weekend day should be set aside for your favourite. The others should be limited to a coffee or lunch date during the week, and then perhaps phone calls, emails or texts. That should mean you could see everybody within a two week duration, which is a completely reasonable timeframe.

The lesson in this part of the exercise is that if you can’t make time for half a weekend day and a coffee, lunch or dinner date during the week, plus a few phone calls, then you have simply not carved out enough space in your life for a relationship.

LEARN THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN PICKY VS. DISCRIMINATING

Forget your long list of demands and expectations. If he misspells something in his email or wears corduroy, that can no longer be a deal-breaker and this kind of pickiness can shut you off from a world of possibilities. A man must be honest, loving, and willing.

Honesty: He gives you data that you can work with. He tells you about himself and is open.
Loving: He is willing to show affection and be loving with you.
Willing: He is willing to be more for you; to try your yoga class even though he’s never done it before.

REMEMBER THAT IN EXCHANGE, YOU MUST BE ALL THREE OF THOSE THINGS ALSO.

LET HIM KNOW HE IS STILL IN THE GAME

Men find women mysterious and it is important for them to know that they are pleasing us. Because they know they are competing with other men for your affections, it is important to let them know what they are doing right and that they are still ‘in the game.’ You may still not have made a decision about who is your favourite and you may never make that decision, but it is important for each man to know that they are pleasing you.

THE DISNEY THEORUM

If you care to compare yourself to a Disney Princess, make sure its Snow White and not Cinderella. Snow White had the seven dwarves madly in love with her; they would do anything for her and in the end, she chose the Prince (with no hard feelings). Cinderella, on the other hand, had to fight her step-sisters for the Prince and it resulted in some pretty unattractive behaviour – all for the sake of one man. The lesson to be learned? Many men ‘adoring’ one woman seems to make everybody happier than many women ‘adoring’ one man.

Ready to give it a try?

As Cindy (and Fiona agrees): “I would just want to give all women, whether they follow The Four Man Plan or not, permission to have fun dating and not make it a serious process because it is a wonderful experience and part of our lives.”

THE MENOPAUSE MINEFIELD

Written by Fiona Fine on 2 May 2013. Posted in Health, Fitness & Wellness, Issues

With Guest Expert: Dr. Vivien Brown

Should I have a mammogram or not?

What about perimenopause: is HRT the way to go or is it a health risk?

Should I stay completely natural and go the naturopathic route?

And what about vaccines, and anti-depressants and…

OMG – you get the picture. Life is super busy these days and juggling our health with all of our other commitments can be a stretch.

I know my opinions on all of these topics (and they’re not always in line with ‘popular’ opinion), so when I had a chance to sit down with Dr. Vivien Brown to hear what she had to say about keeping healthy into and through menopause, I jumped at the chance. She is not only the Vice President of Medical Affairs at Medisys Health Group Incorporated – a large provider of healthcare services within Canada – but she is also a recipient of the 2012 Family Physician of the Year award for the region of Toronto, Canada. I figured there could be no better person to talk with about some of the most up-to-date medical opinions on women’s health at midlife and beyond.

Use It or Lose It

The first thing I wanted to know (of course) was what Dr. Brown considered to be the very best way for women to stay libidinous and “juicy” as they go through perimenopause and beyond. Dr. Brown’s answer didn’t surprise me – “use it or lose it”. Our libido changes and can decrease as we age if we are not diligent. As women, I always maintain that ’our orgasms start between our ears’ and that becomes even more true as we move through this stage of our lives. The stresses of work and children and life mean that the thought of initiating intimacy can seem daunting or just plain exhausting.

Dr. Brown’s advice is take the plunge, so to speak. Sex is a habit that you don’t want to break and for women, it is a cycle. Once you start having sex regularly, you will want to keep going and will find it easier to get into the experience; but if you stop, it is hard to work up the momentum again. Although it may seem daunting to initiate, most women enjoy the experience once they are in it, so you may have to be completely ‘unromantic’ about it and actually schedule time for intimacy. If you make a point of finding the time, you will likely enjoy it while you are in the experience and it gets simpler to keep the momentum.

Is It Hot In Here?!

Then we moved on to another topic near and dear to my heart – HRT (Hormone Replacement Therapy). One of the really surprising things that I learned from Dr. Brown was that a lot of the ‘fear’ of HRT causing cancer and heart problems came from the way the original trials were done more than 10 years ago. The original studies used high doses of hormones on women of an average age of 63 – the majority were smokers and overweight. Not surprisingly, the conclusions of those trials led to linking HRT with heart disease and cancer. How could it not, with a group so predisposed to those problems to begin with!

In newer studies, Dr. Brown explained, the test subjects have been conducted with overall younger (50-55), healthier and more active women, which has led to much more positive results under the right circumstances. They were given low doses of hormones, topically and orally, and compared against groups given no hormones. Many women responded remarkably well and the group that was on oestrogen alone even showed a lessened risk of breast cancer.

I know that for myself, HRT has been something I have been avoiding. My body does not do well with chemicals and my doctor and I work together (with my naturopath) to figure out what is best for me – something that Dr. Brown fully supports. She jokes that women’s health should be a “team sport” and that doctors now are open to women having the ultimate decision concerning their health when the decisions are well thought out and well researched .

The ‘Booby’ Trap

Mammograms: another potential minefield of women’s health and one where there has been a lot of controversy over the last couple of years. Dr. Brown recommends following the current Canadian guidelines which mean no mammograms for women under the age of 50 unless there is a lump detected, or if there is a close first degree relative who has had breast cancer (daughter, sister, mother). After 50 mammograms are done every 1-2 years depending on the doctor’s recommendation and the density of the woman’s breast tissue.

Having grown up with needing a lot of xrays (including mammograms), I don’t personally want more radiation going into my body if I can help it. It can be tempting to request a ‘baseline’ mammogram in your ‘40s but you need to remember that there are a fair number of false positives in this testing and based on that, the discomfort and the radiation, are they worth it? I know it isn’t for me. In fact, for some people I take it to an ‘extreme’ and avoid the new airport security scanning and choose to get a hand scan. I know of way too many frequent flyers (including the airline personnel) that have some serious and pervasive health issues and they are starting to do the same thing.

Oh, My Aching Back!

Here is where I learned something new about peri/menopause. You know those aches and pains in your joints? Those are (potentially) symptoms of your decreasing oestrogen levels. I think sometimes we forget that there are more symptoms to peri/menopause than hot flashes!

Many women have a lack of energy, depression, insomnia and vaginal dryness. But, the #1 complaint that Dr. Brown gets is achiness and pain in the joints (and here I just thought it was my old fibromyalgia health issues flaring up). Oestrogen acts as a lubricant in your joints and when your levels decrease, as in perimenopause, you can get stiffer and more uncomfortable. So, Dr, Brown suggest mentioning it to your doctor and don’t just write it off as the perils of ageing.

The Eye of the Needle

Somehow I didn’t think at the age of 50+ I would still be talking vaccinations with my doctor but the ‘new’ HPV vaccine had changed all that. I wanted to ask Dr. Brown what the common medical opinion was for who should be getting the shot.

There has been so much controversy over whether we should be vaccinating our daughters, that we don’t even think of ourselves – yet Dr. Brown says that the HPV vaccine has been approved for women up to 45 years of age, and should be a ‘consideration’ for those of us who are single, (or newly single) and who are regularly sexually active. The point she makes is that, for the first time, we now have a vaccine which can actively reduce the risk of cancer: cervical cancer by 70%, oral cancers by 35%, as well as penile and anal cancer. Add to that a vaccine for Hepatitis B, which reduces the risk of liver cancer as well, and maybe you can give yourself extra peace of mind while you are out there in the world (my interpretation of the possible good ‘side effects’).

Deep Cleansing Breaths

If you look at the statistics, 80% of women in perimenopause will have symptoms and 20-30% of those women will feel disabled by them. Just like with pregnancies, every woman goes through it differently and will need different solutions. While I have become over the years not shy about sharing my personal health symptoms with the world, I am usually part of the 80% that can get on with things despite what my body is doing (why did nobody ever tell me that hot flashes are followed by bone-deep chills?!!). Dr. Brown agrees that a big reason for that is because although stress is my achilles heel, I generally live a healthy life, I eat well, I exercise, I do things that help my mental health and I keep blissing out in the bedroom.

Whether you choose to follow more closely the naturopathic route like I did or follow the traditional medicine route, being in touch with your body and speaking to a professional about your symptoms is the most important thing you can ever do. Your menopause may not be just like anybody else’s but there is never a reason to endure it alone!?

The Six Hats of Strategic Leadership

Written by Fiona Fine on 25 April 2013. Posted in Business, Career & Entrepreneurship, Issues

As a woman who runs her own business and a media/publishing company, I spend a LOT of time reading about what I believe you, our audience, would find helpful to make you to the most successful ‘you’. Leadership, and ensuring we are the best leaders we can possibly be, is a big topic for the “women who run it” tribe. We all strive to be not just a “good” leader, but a good strategic leader. A great article in the HBR about strategic leadership really caught my attention and I wanted to share with you what I learned and how I will be applying it to myself and my business. Broken down, there are 6 main components to being an effective strategic leader and I now plan on asking myself every day if I have covered all of these bases. In a nutshell, a strategic leader must: Anticipate….Challenge….Interpret….Decide…Align…Learn* It sounds simple enough but the reality is that every one us as a leader has our strengths and weaknesses. The trick is to examine all six components and make sure that you are improving on those areas where you need the most help. Anticipation is an area that takes quite a lot of persistence and research. For example, I know that I need to keep up with what is happening in my own industry as well as those industries adjacent to mine. I need to find out what direction my competitors are heading in, and beat them to it. As an Editor-In-Chief I can’t be mired only in my own magazine (ie. my “baby”). I need to see what others are covering, where the trends are, and try to anticipate where the trends are going. I need to attend industry conferences and seminars and I need to ASK QUESTIONS – LOTS OF QUESTIONS – both of my team and our readers/audience. I need to know what they like and what they don’t; which subjects seem to be a turnoff and which garner great reactions. From this, I can anticipate what is going to continue to make us successful in the future and therefore allow us to serve our audience at an even higher level. Anticipating is all about keeping your “ear to the ground.” Challenging, on the other hand, is not letting myself get too comfortable with the status quo. It may be working for now (hopefully!), but I know that I have to be open for ways to improve and move forward. The best way to do that can be to open myself up to challenges from my staff, my peers, and my readers. I need to welcome critiques from my staff and as such I have given them a “safe zone” to speak their minds. I also have to find great mentors I trust who are outside of my organization, who are not as intimately involved and who will give me unbiased advice. In turn, I continue to learn to be open-minded and patient with constructive criticism. “Feedback is my friend” is one of the mottos I live by. The ability to Interpret is directly related to the ability to Challenge. If I ask questions, I am going to get answers and ideas. If I have been doing it right, and seeking a wide range of input, I should be getting back divergent answers which I can then submit to intensive scrutiny. If I find a problem, I, as a strategic leader, should want at least 3 possible detailed and well-researched interpretations of why the problem exists. Then I have several angles I can work with in order to solve the problem. Decision-making is probably the most important skill of any leader and yet it can be so easy to get yourself into a situation where you are forced to make decisions without all the facts, on the fly, or under-informed. If I am functioning as a strategic leader, this should never be the case. If I have been anticipating, challenging, and interpreting, I should always have multiple scenarios and options when it comes time for a big decision and I should have a team whose opinions I can rely on to give me all of the possible scenarios and outcomes. I should also have the strength of my convictions that when I make a decision, it will be the right one. Alignment can be the trickiest skill to master because it involves dealing with conflict and nipping it in the bud. It means communicating with my staff and my shareholders, keeping them informed, and addressing disagreement or dissent before it has any time to fester. What I never want to hear as a leader is for a key team member to say “Nobody told me,” or “Nobody asked me.” I need to be vigilant to keep those in the loop who should be in the loop, all the time. This is what keeps shareholders and staff (and clients!) happy and feeling valuable and heard. The last point is probably the most important, and that is to cultivate an environment of Learning. I should always be inquiring and studying my successes and failures in order to learn from them and I want my staff to know that they are encouraged to always be learning as well. I want to reward staff who are thinking of new ideas and taking their own time to learn more about competitors and the industry. I know that I need to “create a culture in which inquiry is valued and mistakes are viewed as learning opportunities”* Do you think you’ve identified your weak spots as well as your strong suits? I know I have… life is never boring! * Strategic Leadership: The Essential Skills (article title from Harvard Business Review Jan/Feb 2013)

Discover the Innate “Success Secrets” of ADHD Entrepreneurs

Written by Laurie Dupar on 18 April 2013. Posted in Business, Career & Entrepreneurship, Issues

Did you know that adults with ADHD are 300% more likely to be entrepreneurs? With the current economy, more and more people are deciding to create their own success by venturing into entrepreneurial business. Although its popularity has recently increased, the term ‘entrepreneur’ was initially defined in the late 1600s by an Irish-French economist, Richard Cantillon. According to Cantillon, an entrepreneur refers to an owner or manager of a business enterprise who makes money through risk and initiative. Risk and initiative….hmmm….sounds ADHD-like to me! I think it is fair to say that ADHD and entrepreneurs have many brain-style qualities in common. Some of the more famous entrepreneurs that have been diagnosed with ADHD include:

Richard Branson, founder of Virgin Airlines.
Ingvar Kamprad, Swedish founder and chairman of IKEA stores, states he adapted the inner workings of his business to compensate for his ADHD and dyslexia.
David Neeleman founder and CEO of Jet Blue Airways.
Charles Schwab the founder, chairperson, and CEO of the Charles Schwab Corporation, the largest brokerage firm in the U.S.

Although ADHD can create some undeniable obstacles, there are many positive qualities of ADHD that contribute to the success of countless entrepreneurial businesses: 1. Risk Taker Overall, people with ADHD often do not think about the overall consequences of their actions. Instead, they focus more on what’s happening right here in the moment. This is a benefit for the entrepreneur since it means they will act on an opportunity rather than miss it due to over analyzing their actions. 2. Creativity Successful entrepreneurs and people with ADHD invented the saying “thinking outside of the box”. With an abundance of thoughts and ideas that come with their over active mind, people with ADHD seem to be constantly creating new concepts for products or service and using this creativity to come up with solutions and strategies otherwise not considered. This creativity is also key to entrepreneurial success and allows these unique brain-styles to notice more possibilities, information and resources that others miss. 3. Ability to Hyperfocus Success as an entrepreneur means that you will spend hours, months or even years focusing on your business. This unique quality is similar to the “hyperfocus” people with ADHD experience. When people with ADHD are innately interested in something, they can literally concentrate on this one task while the rest of the world fades away. Gone is time…the outside world and they seem to enter an incredibly focused state of mind I call “the zone”. Some people with ADHD fondly refer to this as their “ADD coma”. 4. Multi-tasking Entrepreneurs are often jack-of-all-trades and are required to wear several hats consecutively. The ADHD brain is at its best when doing several tasks at the same time, especially when these tasks include areas of inherent interests, strengths and passions. An ADHD entrepreneur may struggle with the overwhelm of singularly paying the bills, but combine this otherwise mundane task with entrepreneurial activities such as web browsing, listening to music, talking on the phone and answering emails, and this task is more likely to be completed. 5. High Energy Level Being the owner of your own business requires a tremendous amount of brain and physical energy. People with ADHD can often tap into their own personal adrenaline source to put in those extra hours, pull those all-nighters, or meet those last minute deadlines. 6. Eats chaos for breakfast! Running your own business and being an entrepreneur requires the ability to manage chaos, unpredictability and inconsistency. People with ADHD, with their high interest and tolerance for the new and stimulating, are often at their best in what would be a crisis situation for someone else. In fact, these are the exact situations where they tend to be most focused and clear headed. As an ADHD entrepreneur myself I am often grateful for some of these unique qualities that have helped me to take risks, pursue possibilities others might not have noticed and fuel the determination that has helped my business grow.

How to Make Yourself “Unfireable”

Written by Thomas C Corley on 11 April 2013. Posted in Business, Career & Entrepreneurship, How To, Issues

In my five-year study of the daily success habits of successful individuals, one important discovery I made was that successful individuals are fanatics when it comes to daily career-related, self-improvement. The reason? They are in constant pursuit of knowledge in order to help them identify opportunities. This makes them more valuable to their employer, customer, or clients and helps them to rise up the career ladder of success. I uncovered four ways that successful individuals engage in opportunity-seeking, self-improvement: Reading, Writing, Speaking and Doing. Each one gets you higher up the ladder of financial success. Strategy #1: Career-Related Reading Many of us get monthly industry periodicals. Typically, we set them aside and tell ourselves that we will get to that reading very soon. We may even pull out the periodicals, after a week or two, and browse through them, tearing out articles we are intent on reading. We set these articles aside and, again, tell ourselves we will get to that reading very soon. After a few months we throw these periodicals/articles out, rationalizing that they are outdated and of no use. Their time value has rendered them outdated. “Successful” individuals have a different tact. They set aside time every day for reading. They read every one of their periodicals. Why? Successful individuals understand the value of timely information. They are in pursuit of opportunities to make more money and advance their careers. Often these opportunities are found inside these industry periodicals. Successful individuals, on average*, set aside 30 to 45 minutes of every day for career-related reading. They do this day in and day out. Successful individuals understand that reading helps them remain current with industry technical information and industry trends, which often leads to the discovery of hidden opportunities. To successful individuals, reading gets them one rung higher on the career ladder of financial success. Strategy #2: Career-Related Writing Writing is a form of communication. Because you are writing on a topic, you must gain a more comprehensive understanding of that topic than reading alone can provide. Successful individuals engage in writing in a number of ways including: company newsletters, industry newsletters, newspaper articles, industry publication articles, Internet articles and customer/client letters. Writing helps lift successful individuals up another wrung on the career ladder of success. Strategy #3: Speaking Speaking requires a greater understanding of a subject matter than writing or reading will provide. There is a simple reason for this. In a speaking engagement you may be asked a question and this makes it a two-way communication process. When you are “the expert” on a topic for which you have been asked to speak you must fully know that topic, inside and out. This requires a more detailed study that reading and writing together cannot provide. Speaking forces you to dig deeper and expand your knowledge base. Speaking elevates you up another wrung on the career ladder of success. Strategy #4: Doing There is no better way to perfect your knowledge in an area than through repetition by doing. Repetition in a particular area gets you closer to perfection than reading, writing or speaking ever could. Each time you repeat a task in a particular area you become more efficient and more expert. Doing, over and over again, allows you to make and fix mistakes. It allows you to improve and perfect your skill-set. Through repetition by doing you will, in time, become a master in a particular task or subject matter. ‘Doing’ raises you to the highest wrung on the career ladder of success. Successful individuals employ the above strategies in an effort to become more expert in their field and make themselves indispensable to their employer, and their employer’s customers or clients. These strategies also open up your eyes to opportunities that were previously hidden. Finding Opportunities The most successful of individuals employ all four career-related self-improvement strategies in climbing the career ladder of success. But you can achieve a good measure of career success by simply dedicating yourself, every day, to just one of these four career-related, self-improvement strategies. Make no mistake about it; it’s not an easy discipline! Daily career-related, self-improvement is boring. It’s tedious. But the by-product is the discovery of otherwise hidden opportunities. Opportunities that were there all along, but could not be seen until you took that important step of expanding your knowledge base. I like to use the following metaphor to best explain how these strategies work: 1) Imagine for a moment that you find yourself surrounded by trees. These trees are a metaphor for opportunities. You see all of the trees that are in front of you. 2) Now imagine off to the side of these trees is a hill. This hill is a metaphor for career-related, self-improvement. 3) What happens when you climb that hill (what happens when you engage in daily career-related, self-improvement)? You begin to notice that there are more trees. As you climb higher and higher up the hill (as you engage in more and more career-related, self-improvement) you realize you were in a forest and what you now see are not just individual trees but a forest; a forest of opportunities. Climbing that hill, engaging in career-related, self-improvement, exposes you to more opportunities in life and in your career. Opportunity and Luck Many individuals who struggle in life believe they have bad luck. And these same unsuccessful people believe those who are successful are simply, well, lucky in life. What they don’t understand is that successful people create their own luck. They create, what I call, ‘opportunity luck’. This is the type of luck that successful people create through their good daily habits such as engaging in career-related, self-improvement. Utilizing one or more of the career-related, self-improvement strategies will make you indispensable to your employer. Increasing your knowledge base opens up the world of hidden opportunities. Opportunities which will help your employer increase revenues or reduce expenses and guarantee that you will be among the highest paid of employees and among the last to get fired.

Make Over Your Metabolism

Written by Fiona Fine on 4 April 2013. Posted in Health, Fitness & Wellness, How To, Issues

(contributed by Elizabeth Anderson) Is there a war going on in your body? Every year I have to be more diligent and work that much harder at keeping weight off and being fit but as always, it’s so hard to find the time. I know a lot of you out there are in the same boat – with the corporate treadmill or running a business, raising kids, relationships, social commitments, ageing parents… We women run it all, and it’s easy to put your own health and fitness on the back burner. So, I called in our health and fitness expert Elizabeth Anderson for some help on getting and keeping motivated. Not only is she Mrs. Utah USA, but she is a Certified Sports Nutritionist and owner of Elizabeth Anderson Fitness: The perfect woman woman to give us the kick in the butt that we sometimes need. In fact, I met up with Elizabeth on a recent business trip in Scottsdale and she did exactly that with her “hotel room workout”! “When you put your health on the back burner you may not feel the results right away but then you start to feel the bulging waistline, and the clothes fitting too small and the low energy. You need a wake up call to make the shift.” Don’t let an either/or mentality get in your way! You can have a great job or a busy life AND be healthy. It’s all about getting your metabolism back in gear! Here’s where you start: Exercise (the Basics)

Get your butt moving: Anything you do to get moving is great. Take the stairs, get off the subway a stop early, go for a walk on lunch. Be conscious of ways to move more during your day and don’t ever let them slip by. They are free exercise time!
Try a quickie: An hour at the gym can occasionally be murder to schedule. Get an aerobics step and use that for 10 minutes at a time, or jump rope for 10 minutes or take a quick walk outside for 10 minutes. Get your body moving and blood flowing.
Breathe! When you are stressed your breathing becomes shallow. Exercise deepens out breathing into the diaphragm, fills up the lung capacity and lets all your cells get better and fresher oxygen.
Release the happy hormones: Exercise not only creates endorphins which are the ‘feel good’ hormones, but it also releases and gets rid of cortisol and adrenalin which are two hormones that cause stress.
Drop the drugs: Evidence shows that exercise has as many benefits as some antidepressant drugs on the market – with a ton less side-effects.
Quit making excuses! The busier you are, the more you need to exercise so you can manage the stress and demands of your life, versus “I’m so busy, I don’t have time to take care of myself.”

Exercise (How to fit in a “lunchtime quickie”):

‘Burst’ training or high intensity interval training burns a lot of calories in a short amount of time.
Start with a warm-up for about two minutes, and then begin your chosen exercise, whether it is running outside, biking, or using a treadmill. It is important to exercise for 1 minute as hard as you can.
Scale down your intensity slightly for 2 minutes, then repeat another minute of intense exercise. Go through this cycle 6 times!
This will give you an excellent 18 minute workout which burns a lot of calories, gets tons of oxygen into your system and challenges your body.

Last but not least: de-stress! Your health is more than just the physical. Stress plays a major part in busy women’s lives and we can deal with it for a while, but chronic stress starts to degrade your body, your love of what you are doing, and your relationships. Stress also produces the physiological hormones cortisol and adrenalin that keeps weight on your body and makes you gain weight. Yep. Stress will make you fat. It may sound counter-intuitive, but the best way to combat stress is to give yourself a 5 minute ‘time out.’ Whether its meditation or just listening to 5 minutes of soothing music or sitting in your office with the door shut, set a timer and let yourself go. Close your eyes, clear your mind, and focus on breathing. A small break can refocus your mind and shift your manic, scattered energy into a much more effective, efficient, focused approach. Just like with physical exercise, this will become easier to do the more you practice.

Top Ten Fashion Dos for the Plus Size Fashionista

Written by Marie Denee on 28 March 2013. Posted in How To, Issues

1. Embrace Your Curves Yes, you are a plus-sized woman – so what? You have curves that are not going away anytime soon, and this is okay. So what is a plus-size Fashionista to do? Embrace your curves. Own your curves. Love your curves. Once you come to terms with you and your beautiful curves, fashion will no longer be a hindrance but now a joy that you eagerly look forward to! In addition, the societal barriers will no longer stifle your inner Fashionista! So… have you embraced your curves yet? 2. Think Outside Your Traditional Fashion Box Gone are the days when plus-size fashion was ever called fashion! We now have options that stretch way beyond Torrid, Lane Bryant, Old Navy, and Ashley Stewart. While nothing is wrong with these designers, there are so many more that bring high fashion to you! Thought you could never wear jeans? There is Svoboda, Embody Denim, and James Jeans! Dying to don a designer dress? Then rock a fabulous frock from Monif C., Qristyl Frazier, or Anna Scholz. These are only a few of those who are available to you! Get my drift? Experiment! How will you know what works for your curves, if you do not venture out? 3. Accessorize to Maximize Polishing off your look has never been easier, especially now as there are more and more designers who are catching on, that not all jewelry is created equal! I would be so frustrated when wanting to buy a ring or bracelet that did not accommodate my size. A necklace that stopped just short of hitting the right mark- you know? To complete your look, you should always fashion either earrings and a few bracelets or a necklace and a fabulous ring! Do not forget your fierce handbag and your wicked heels! Its all about your finished look for your style! 4. Love Thy Tailor While many plus-size designers are paying attention to your curves, there is always a need to tailor your pieces that look custom designed for you! What a better way to make a $100 jacket look like a $500 one! Tailoring your outfit creates a polished look that pulls your outfit all together! Nothing looks worse than really cute jeans that are anchoring your curves to the ground! A dress that gapes in the hips only adds to your curves, rather than accentuate them! If you are lucky enough to not have to tailor your pieces- then this rule does not apply to you (although most women with curves will benefit from a nip and tuck of their fits!) 5. Invest in Your Fashion Staples Now, I have been told by many designers for the Plus-Size woman that they hear complaints about some of their prices. While I could agree with you in this economy right now, there are few items that you MUST invest in, in order for you to build and sustain a working wardrobe! Why? These pieces are timeless and seasonless, meaning that no matter the time of the year or whatever trend is hot, you can easily take your key item and update your wardrobe with accents rather than buying a whole new wardrobe each season. These are your classics. What are they? Every woman must have an amazing button up blouse, pair of tailored trousers, at least two pairs of butt hugging boot cut jeans (dark wash), the curve loving LBD (Little Black Dress), and a professional pant or skirt suit. 6. Walk with Confidence Nothing kills an amazing outfit than an insecure person. It distracts from the outfit, only bringing attention to you and how uncomfortable you are, rather than how beautiful you are! Yes, it does take some time to build up that confidence, but the only way you can do this, is to fake it until you make it! Wearing confidence is beautiful, allowing your beauty to reflect and enhance your fashion choices! Do not be shy or apologetic for your curves- OWN THEM! 7. Accentuate the Positive Now ladies, we all have our favorite assets, yes, even you! What are they? Do you love your waistline? Then rock cinched waist belts or dresses. Love your legs? Then show them off with shorter dresses! Basically, when you enhance whichever assets you like the best, your confidence will show through, allowing the Fashionista in you to shine! Don’t know your best feature? You probably already know without even knowing it! Ask yourself, what do you feel most comfortable in, then why? Chances are you will find a reason that relates to your best assets! Me? I love my waist and my cleavage, so I opt for pieces that enhance those curves! I am comfortable and I feel good. 8. Camouflage the Flaws We all have areas we don’t necessarily hate, but do not love either, and that is okay! What you do is hide those flaws! By experimenting with shapes and colors, you will learn how to hide these “flaws” and accentuate those which work for you! Now, by reading this, you are no longer able to say that your whole body is a flaw- NOT ALLOWED! I loathe my tummy and my handles, so you will often see me in a flowy top that flows away from the tummy area that has a v- neck and has an empire cut! 9. Have Fun and Take Risks Clearly finding amazing fashion can be a challenge for a Plus Size Fashionista for the obvious reasons, but that should not detract from the play with fashion! With more and more emerging designers, you are able to experiment with color, shapes, fits, cuts, and pieces that you once thought “not allowed” now that designers are designing with you in mind! Never worn color? Be daring in Yellow! Never worn jeans? Be sassy in the right Skinny jeans! Never gone sleeveless? Be sexy in a strappy bra- friendly top! Get my drift? 10. Let your Style Define Your Curves Each season, the fashion industry highlights the different trends, looks and styles for the season. Take these trends, digest them, and make them work for YOU! Never be dictated by your curves to only wear a particular look! Your clothes and fashion choices should define, enhance, and compliment you and all your wonderful curves! So what is your style? Laid back, boho chic, classic, trendy, or tomboy? Whichever it is, Never let your curves define your style, let your STYLE define your Curves! Keep it Curvy!

The Fraud Factor Syndrome: How to Silence Your Inner-Critic and Prevent it from Derailing your Success

Written by Jean Caton on 21 March 2013. Posted in How To, Issues

The world thinks of you as a smart, successful, super-achieving woman… co-workers, colleagues, and friends admire your accomplishments and bosses shower praise on you.To them you are a pretty, fit, feisty, on the ball woman with much of the world ‘at your feet’. You – you think…if they only knew! Sound familiar? Then you may be suffering from a case of The Fraud Factor Syndrome. The Fraud Factor Syndrome is simply the voice of your inner-critic whispering harsh, judgmental, negative comments in your head that demean and discredit your ability. It is also most often our harshest critic. As a successful career woman or one who owns your own business, no doubt you have had more than one experience with your inner-critic and resulting self-doubts that have taken a toll on your self-confidence, mindset, and self-esteem. However, If you are frequently plagued by your inner-critic, The Fraud Factor Syndrome may be seriously limiting your potential to take pride in your accomplishments and to feel happy and successful. These ongoing conversations essentially prevent you from owning your success and accepting the recognition you get for your accomplishments. Instead you minimize your contribution, give away the credit and deny the fact that your talents and perseverance had much of anything to do with a big accomplishment. The Fraud Factor Syndrome is not a serious problem until the voice of the inner-critic is so loud that it immobilizes you and/or limits your career or business success! The Fraud Factor is not uniquely a woman’s issue, but it seems to take a bigger toll on women than men. Tony Schwartz, in his article for HBR Blog Network post “What Women Know about Leadership that Men Don’t” says it this way … From an early age, men often overvalue their strengths, while women too frequently underrate theirs. In reality, we all struggle to feel a stable sense of value and self-worth. Men often defend against their doubts by moving to grandiosity and inflation, while women more frequently move to insecurity and deferral. Men seek more often to win, women to connect. So long as the path to power is connected to proving you’re bigger and badder, it’s no surprise that men have mostly prevailed.” Striving for perfection is a common symptom. You excessively over-prepare, over-analyze, and repeatedly scrutinize your work to compensate for your perceived shortcomings.

You may not have the confidence to apply for a big promotion or strategic project or ask a client to hire you for a valuable contract.
You avoid speaking up in a meeting or in public because you minimize the value of what you have to say.
You would do anything rather than have to stand in front of an audience and give a presentation.
You promote other men and women over yourself when asked if you know of anyone that can take on a new role or promotion.
You don’t know how and when to ask for the raise or promotion that you have earned (not just deserve).

As mentioned, take heart you are not alone. Countless incredibly strong “successful” women deal with the voices of their inner-critic at times. We all have self-doubts. We all hate to make mistakes. We all dislike facing our shortcomings.This is normal. It is how you respond to your inner critic that counts! Becoming aware of the fact that your inner-critic is limiting your potential is good news. Awareness is the first step toward change. You are on your way to overcoming a problem that has the potential to derail your success and your inner happiness.

Seven Tips to Minimize the Impact of

The Fraud Factor Syndrome:

Make a list of five success stories from your recent past.
Identify your top five strengths. The book on online assessment Strength Finder 2.0 by Tom Rath is a simple and affordable tool
Ask five colleagues to name your top strengths (If this makes you uncomfortable you have permission to tell them your coach, Jean gave you this assignment.)
Notice and jot in your calendar or journal the circumstances when your Fraud Factor Syndrome is most noticeable.
Look for a common theme in these situations that fuel the problem.
Catch yourself when you are being a harsh judge and change your conversation into the encouraging words you would use when speaking with a colleague, co-worker, or teenage daughter.
Finally, talk back to your inner-critic. Ask her for evidence!

“Why Your Wallet Is Like Your Vagina”

Written by Fiona Fine on 14 March 2013. Posted in Business, Career & Entrepreneurship, Issues

(contributed by Jenn Stokes)

We bet you haven’t heard this one before!

Jenn Stokes, bestselling author, motivational speaker and media personality told me all about why you need to think of your wallet just like you do your most prized possession – your vagina. (Seriously, I don’t make this stuff up!)

1. Knowledge is power: Just like with your body, you need to know as much as you possibly can about your money in order to use it and take proper care of it. Read all of the books by authors who tell it like it is. Google money tips. Ask your banker for advice. Speak to your girlfriends. Make sure you ask as many questions as you can and be proactive. Remember that the government and the banks make more money from you if you are ignorant.

2. Know your weaknesses: Think about your ‘money personality’… Does your romantic decision-making fly out the window after a few glasses of wine? Can’t be totally trusted in the mall with a credit card? That’s equally important to know. Malls and stores love successful women and they want us to spend our money with them. Be aware of your money personality when you are making spending decisions. Get support to break bad habits!

3. Be smart about what goes in and out: The comparison on this one is pretty straightforward. The less activity the better and the more you know about what goes in and out, the better!

4. Protect yourself and make sure everything is in good working order: This goes back to the whole ‘knowledge is power’ motto. Your vagina should be your prized possession, and you need to think of your wallet the same way. You only have the one and you need to make sure you protect it. Be informed, be proactive. Ask questions and don’t open it up for just anybody!

Remember that you are a smart, successful woman and even if your career and your money-making is at an all-time high, without careful consideration and awareness, things can come crashing down quickly. If it can happen to your love life, it can happen to your finances. Take care of your wallet. Treat it with respect and thoughtfulness and it will reward you in some pretty amazing ways, just like… well, we’re sure you get the point by now!

A Guide to the ‘The Holy Grail of Women’s Orgasms’

Written by Fiona Fine on 7 March 2013. Posted in Issues, Relationships, Dating & Sex

(contributed by David Shade) Ladies, you will want to get your man to read this one too, because we are holding them personally responsible for your pleasure (you have your part to play yet your guy has a leading role!) It’s time to talk ORGASMS… As you know from our January issue, I interviewed David Shade, ‘The Renegade Sex Expert’ and bestselling author of the book The Secrets of Female Sexuality to bring you the secrets to achieving that ‘holy grail’ of female sexual pleasure, the vaginal orgasm. Female sexuality is primarily mental. As I bluntly said in our interview: “a woman’s orgasm begins between her ears” and “foreplay can be anything and everything that happens to a woman through the course of her day” (ie. long before she enters the bedroom). This is also the key to why so many of us women find it difficult to over-ride our inhibitions, let go and enjoy the deep, satisfying pleasure of a vaginal orgasm. [My comment: A vaginal orgasm is longer, deeper, more emotionally satisfying than the intense ‘release or spike’ of a clitoral orgasm]. Many of us women believe that only the ‘lucky’ ones have vaginal orgasms – in fact evidently only 30-40% of women ever experience them in their lifetime. David and I disagree: every healthy woman is capable of soul satisfying orgasms and vaginal orgasms are your birthright! Netting it out: what it takes is learning to connect the pleasure centres of the vagina to those in the brain; to let loose and get lost in the moment and to release your inhibitions and self-sabotaging behaviors; to give yourself permission to feel deep pleasure! Here are some of the top tips on achieving a vaginal orgasm: For a Woman (self pleasure or with a partner):

Throw away the damned vibrator! (or, at least take out the batteries). Vibrators make women dependent on clitoral stimulation and orgasms. That is not what you are aiming for. Use a ‘lifelike’ substitute and let your imagination go. Women’s imagination or fantasies and emotions are a key ingredient to releasing emotion.
Practice the emotion that you would feel with a partner and/or allow yourself to fantasize about any and all aspects of pleasure – letting go is as much a mental exercise than a physical one.
Be pleasure oriented, not goal or time oriented. Give yourself time and be in the moment – all the moments – with yourself or with your partner.

To the Man who is Leading You into Your Pleasure:

Keep your goal under wraps. Nothing will cause her performance anxiety faster than telling a woman that you are aiming for a vaginal orgasm (because so few women believe they are capable of them!)
Understand that your pleasure has to come from her pleasure.
Keep her involved in the journey, and let her know that you are enjoying it and truly desire her and her pleasure.
Do not feel frustrated if she at first cuts you short and does not allow you to continue pleasuring her. Many (if not most women) fall prey to self-sabotaging thoughts of ‘its taking too long’ or ‘I just can’t get there…’ or ‘He must be getting frustrated or tired, we have to stop…’.
Take any and all opportunities to learn, to collect intelligence for the next time that you are together so that you can try once again to sweep her away. Progress is good no matter how incremental.

The Anatomy of It All:

For a woman who has never experienced vaginal orgasm, and who has a ready and willing partner, David Shade recommends using the middle finger first, rather than the penis, because it allows significantly greater flexibility and movement.
The goal is to stimulate the “anterior fornix” of the vagina, which is a ‘deep spot’ 3½ to 4 inches inside the front wall of the vagina. This is the easiest way for a woman to be brought to her first vaginal orgasm. Note: the deep spot is different from the famous G spot.

[check out http://masterful-lover.com/blog/deep-spot/the-official-deep-spot-video/].

Once a woman has experienced her first vaginal orgasm, she should be able to recognize and repeat the sensation much more easily, in a way ‘training’ herself to achieve vaginal orgasm over and over.

Do not get me wrong, obviously there is absolutely nothing wrong with a clitoral orgasm, which is quick, more ‘superficial’ and gets the job done – we should all have them! Yet, a vaginal orgasm is a chance to experience a level of deep emotion and power that is extremely rewarding. It is a chance to release inhibitions and enjoy your sexuality on a greater level, unleashing your complete feminine power!

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