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Tantra Sacred Loving Step by Step

Tantra loving is your answer!
Tantric Sex is becoming the sexual learning of choice for women (and men) who want to have it all: a passionate love life, a healthy body, and spiritual growth. Tantric lovemaking involves breathing exercises, muscle contraction exercises, sound, visualization, affirmations, creating a sacred loving space and other rituals, meditation, sensual massage, and sexual play. In order to create enough sexual energy to move into ecstatic states of divine connection Tantrikas make love for long periods of time, experiencing extraordinary levels of pleasure along the way. You would (reportedly) be in the company of Sting/Trudie, Tom Hanks, Heather Graham and P. Diddy among potentially the woman who sits next to you on the subway! You can see and feel a difference in your lovemaking experience right away if you follow these steps.

Tantric Lovemaking Step by Step:

1. Intention “Regular” lovemaking has a goal – orgasm. If you both come at the same time you’ve done it “really, really well”. If neither of you come at all you may as well have spent your time elsewhere. With Tantric loving, there is no goal. There is a purpose however, and that purpose is union. Every aspect of your Tantric loving serves that purpose. Your intention is to merge with your lover in all aspects – body, mind, heart and soul – not just body. You can help this along by looking at your lover differently, by seeing your partner as a god or goddess, as a living expression of the divine. Look for the glory, the beauty and the wonder in your playmate and in yourself and let that shine. 2. Creating a ‘Sacred Space’ Take time to set the mood. You can transform an ordinary space – a bedroom or living room – into a sacred space. To do this, takes only a few minutes and costs little or nothing. The important thing is your intention, not the specific items you use. – First, clean and de-clutter the room. – If it is evening, dim the lights and use candles all around the room. – Bring in some plants or fresh cut flowers. A bowl of fruit is very sensual. You may wish to have a bottle of wine to share. – Bring special objects into the room. Any objects that have emotional importance for you will work very well. Create your lover’s bed. – Make up the bed with clean linens and have lots of pillows handy. When you have finished creating the space, take a few moments to purify it energetically. That means consciously sending away negative or fearful thoughts and feelings, and inviting in those that are joyous, passionate and safe. You can even create your own rituals with sweetgrass, incense, and musical instruments. The Lover’s Purifying Bath: Don’t forget to cleanse each other in preparation for your joyous union. A shared hot bath with essential oils and bath salts is perfect (a shared shower is also so very sensual). The essential thing is to be squeaky clean. After all you will be eating off that skin! Sensually prepare your bodies for the delights ahead. Honor, Respect and Permission: Trust, surrender and opening your heart are essential if you want to reach the heights of bliss. It is not just technique that will get you there. You and your lover must join together as loving equals on the sexual journey. Ladies: Let your man know that he is safe! He may act all macho and tough, showing little emotion, but you know that inside most men are afraid of emotional intimacy. The tougher a man acts the greater this fear of letting go, surrender and trust will likely be. Let him know that you recognize his strength, but also invite him to show his feelings. Let him know how much it turns you on when he shows some vulnerability mixed with his many strengths. Tell him how handsome he is and how talented. Mention all the things you like most about him. Tell him why you love him so strongly. Tell him how much you think about him when he is away, and how you have fantasies about making love to him and touching him when he returns. Make him believe that you really want him sexually. Finally, ask his permission to passionately love him in your practice of Tantra sacred sex. Men:  Think of the vagina as a potential opening rather than as ‘always being open’. Do not ever take your lady for granted! Tell her how much you care for her and respect her. Tell her how much you love her. Speak words of adoration into her ears as you gently blow on them and nibble on her ear lobes. Let her know that you think of her constantly and how strong your desire is to make love with (not to) her. Also, let her know that you invite her to awaken sexually and to express her sexuality fully. Let her know that you are NOT caught in that tired old cultural conditioning that still insists “good girls” do not enjoy sex – the Madonna/Whore split. Make her believe you when you tell her that you know she can be all she wants to be: a successful career woman, a respectful daughter, a faithful wife, a caring mother, a passionate lover and a sincere spiritual seeker all at the same time. Tell her how beautiful she is, how wonderful she smells, and all the things you appreciate most about her. Finally, ask her permission to passionately love her in your practice of Tantra sacred sex. 3. Foreplay After you have asked and received permission to love each other up, tune into each other. Two simple ways to do this are through harmonizing your breathing and by looking deep into each other’s eyes. By matching your breathing rhythms and making soulful eye contact you connect energetically as well as physically. Begin to explore each other’s bodies with wonder, lust, and playfulness. Remember, in Tantra sacred loving there is no goal. You are not trying to get somewhere. Each act of loving is complete in and of itself. Once you master how to work with your sexual energy many men and women will discover that they can have orgasms just by touching fingers together. Indeed, you can have orgasms just by looking into each other’s eyes! So men are not in a hurry to get at the woman’s breasts or into her vagina. When touching her body, start at the extremities and work in toward the breasts and genitals. Start with the fingers and toes and work in. Go slowly! Generally men enjoy having their genitals touched at any time, but women usually only enjoy having their breasts and genitals touched after they are already sexually excited from other touching, stimulating conversation, or emotional connection. Make sure the woman is well lubricated before any attempt at intercourse. If possible, help her to have a clitoral orgasm before moving on to intercourse. 4. Intercourse The usual 5 to 15 minutes of lovemaking is typically not satisfying for most women. Men need to learn to delay ejaculation so that active lovemaking can be extended for hours. Men can learn to delay ejaculation not just during one lovemaking session, but for weeks or months at a time. Any man who masters this will eventually have the happy experience of orgasm without ejaculation. Orgasm without ejaculation will not deplete the man’s energy the same way that a regular ejaculatory orgasm does. This means that a man can have more than one orgasm; indeed, he can become a multi-orgasmic-man. When the man is able to last longer, it is much more likely that his female partner will also have multiple orgasms. Although Tantric loving lasts several hours, this does not mean you are having active intercourse during that entire time. Intercourse is interspersed with touching, oral play, quietly holding each other. It is a good idea for a man to allow his erection to subside every 30 minutes to exchange the blood supply and recharge his hormone levels. 5. The Passion Pump (Moving Your Energy) This muscle contraction exercise is very simple and can extensively increase your ecstatic union. If you were urinating and stopped the flow of urine in mid-stream you would be contracting exactly the right muscles for The Passion Pump exercise in exactly the right way. So imagine that you wanted to alternately start and stop the flow of urine. This squeezing and relaxing of muscles around your genitals is called the PC Pump. It’s the first and most important exercise in learning to circulate your sexual energy. At the peak of sexual arousal, either during intercourse or manual/oral stimulation stop your normal lovemaking movements and focus instead on moving the sexual energy that’s pulsing in your genitals. Move it up and through your body. Use slow, deep abdominal breathing to keep your body relaxed. Add the PC pumping action and visualize moving energy up your body in a ball of fire or a wave of light or a current of electricity. Through your eyes, your hands, your genitals you can learn to direct and pass this powerful force on to your lover. 6. Afterplay Regular lovemaking usually ends when the man ejaculates, but when men have learned to postpone ejaculation, stopping lovemaking then becomes a matter of choice. With Tantric loving you wind down your loving time with slow caresses, words of endearment and honoring each other with food and drink. 7. Sharing Wine, Food and Other Sensual Pleasures The sharing of good food, wine and other intoxicants, sensual massage, dressing up in costumes and playing sexual games are part of the ancient Tantric tradition. While Tantra is serious, it need not be heavy. Lighten up; be playful, lusty and daring! Tantra lovers know that they are personally responsible for their own sexual fulfillment and their own spiritual progress. This may be especially important for men. Many men experience a great deal of performance anxiety. But even the greatest, most sensitive, highly skilled Tantric lover cannot make a woman have orgasms. She must be able to go to that place in herself that is orgasmic. Sexual/spiritual ecstasy has little to do with control. It requires trust, surrender and letting go. Both lovers must learn to do this. If there is some psychological work to do before you will allow yourself to open in this way, then get on with it! In the meantime, please each other with the preparation, serving and consumption of fine food and drink. Lavish each other with touching in sensual massage. Dress up (and down!) for each other. Take on different personalities with different costumes. Wear masks! Play and laugh together often. Celebrate your spirit through your sexuality. Open your heart. Let your lover in and your love out!

Can a Broken Heart Kill You?

The holiday season is over, many of us may still be paying off bills, we are in the dead of winter and, love it or hate it, we are in the build-up to Valentine’s Day –  complete with an abundance of pink hearts and frilly chocolate boxes. It is either the best or the worst of days depending on your point of view. For those who are not fans of this Hallmark holiday, Valentine’s Day can be a time to feel a little bit blue and/or fed up with all the fuss. But for others it can be a major source of stress. It can add to the heartache of a broken relationship, or bring on a new wave of grief and loss. It can be lonely and stressful and even make you feel that you need to stay on the sidelines of life because you don’t have anyone ‘special’ by your side. My question is: has anyone died from a broken heart? We decided to investigate whether being ‘broken or lonely hearted’ could really lead to physical risk. We were shocked by what we discovered… ‘Takotsubo Syndrome’ was only first identified in Japan in 1991 and has since been commonly renamed in the western culture as “stress cardiomyopathy” or “Broken Heart Syndrome” Broken Heart Syndrome, it turns out, is real, it’s rough, and it can be dangerous –  and it seems to hit women more often than men (90% of diagnosed cases*). Even worse,  when women complain of their ‘broken’ heart they are often ignored! Another ailment that is “all in our head”? Here’s some facts: in layman’s terms, Broken Heart Syndrome (BHS) is a cardiac incident brought about by the body releasing a sudden surge of chemicals, including adrenaline, which can shock the heart muscles and cause them to stop working properly. Specifically it is the spasming of the left ventricle of the heart, causing loss of blood flow – just like a heart attack. It even presents with the same symptoms as a heart attack: chest pain, shortness of breath, arm pain, nausea, and sweating. But instead of an arterial blockage (as in a heart attack), when doctors test, they find the left ventricle misshapen to the point where it is constricting blood flow. What can cause Broken Heart Syndrome?
  • Extremely stressful incidents like the loss of a loved one, or a pet; sudden bad news; heated arguments with family; relationship breakups, divorce, or an accumulation of stresses leading to a final, triggering event.
  • Physical stress such as an asthma attack or even low blood sugar.
Who is most at risk? Although anybody can experience Broken Heart Syndrome, because it is largely stress-related, the majority of sufferers (approximately 90%) are women of menopausal age! Researchers have concluded this may be because the level of oestrogen (which helps women cope with huge stresses), is significantly lowered in menopause. A lessened ability to cope with stress plus the inevitable stresses of mid-life (divorce, parental death, etc) create the perfect circumstances for Broken Heart Syndrome. Can it be fatal? Yes – actually it can be. While some patients can be absolutely fine within days of an incident, there is a possibility that the heart muscle can be so constricted that it can no longer pump blood to the body fast enough, causing heart failure. So theoretically and physiologically, yes, we can die of a broken heart. However, most people do survive broken heart syndrome, just like they survive a broken heart. What can you do to avoid BHS**?
  • Talk to your doctor if you have been undergoing emotional stress, trauma, or grief – in fact, talk to anyone!
  • Express your emotions. Don’t hold it all in. This allows your body to respond better to stress.
  • Only you can set the time limit on your grief: whether it’s for the death of a loved one, or the death of a relationship, do not let others set the agenda or timeframe for your grieving. Be proactive to figure out ways or mechanisms to alleviate your pain or grief.
  • See your doctor regularly and make sure you report any new aches and pains so they are up-to-date on your medical history.
  • Keep yourself fit, eat well, and get into a regular routine of sleep.
  • If you do not feel up for it, then limit your exposure to the holidays and social gatherings that upset you. Be true to yourself and what you feel you can handle.
  • Make sure you do something that is good for your body and soul – go for walks, take  bubble baths, listen to music. Participating in something enjoyable will lessen the stress on your body. As you feel broken hearted, remind yourself of what you are grateful for.
  • if you feel broken hearted, still try to hang out with friends that empathize with what you are going through and who gently encourage you to live life to your fullest definition. The cliche is true that in many cases “time heals” a broken heart.
Although Broken Heart Syndrome is a very real medical condition, in many ways our ability to avoid it is up to us. Large-scale stress happens in life. As we age, we realize that it is unavoidable. In the end, our ability to cope with it and not have it trigger or contribute to major health problems, relies on our ability to handle the smaller daily stresses that we encounter all the time. In essence, the more time we spend loving in our daily lives, the less chance we will ever die of a broken heart! *http://www.webmd.com/heart/features/broken-heart-syndrome-stress-cardiomyopathy **http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/two-takes-depression/201202/broken-heart-syndrome-its-real-and-its-rough

5 Ways to Keep Learning and Growing – Even on a Tight Budget

Believe me, I remember what that was like. In fact, things got so bad when I first started my business back in New York 10 years ago that there was one evening I couldn’t even take out $20 from the ATM. (And even if I did have cash to spend, I didn’t know where to find a mentor anyway.) So what’s a girl to do when she’s on a budget? Answer: Learn all she can within her means. While in-depth courses and high-level mentorship programs deliver a complete plan for those who are ready to invest and move forward quickly, don’t forget about tried and true low-budget learning options. The five I list below are surely nothing new, but often times we forget they are here for the taking! The only trick is you have to motivate yourself. 1. Books: Yes, books. Remember books? There are millions of helpful and educational books out there. Both new ones in bookstores and used ones at the library. Ones to inspire you, to motivate you, to help you think differently, and delivering specific steps to grow yourself and your business. Spend a rainy afternoon in a Borders or Barnes & Noble with a coffee and see what strikes your fancy. Or finally get that local library card and see what they have to offer in their business and self help sections. Bonus: Most libraries also carry CDs and DVDs that they rent for free or a low fee, and usually you’ll be able to find several educational titles. 2. Free ezines and reports: Search your topic of business online and you’re bound to find tons of free online information and many in the form of ezine subscriptions and reports. From marketing to moneymaking, from advertising to finding clients, if you search for it you will find it. Just know these media – being free – are typically more introductory information and used as lead generators. But good content can surely be found! 3. Free teleseminars and webinars; Along the same lines, many experts are also hosting free teleseminars and webinars day and night around the globe. All you need to participate is a phone or an Internet connection. From business training to personal development – search and you will find as well! As with free ezines and reports, you can learn a lot from these events, but just expect a sales offer during the session. 4. Free and low-cost live seminars: Even adult education classes via organizations such as the Learning Annex are great to get started. Even though they usually feature very basic info, I’ve found these classes are still good to help reboot your brain and give you some new ideas to walk away with. If you live in a major city you can also almost always find free or low-cost seminars to attend as well, if you keep your eyes and ears open. But remember, the hosts of these events aren’t nonprofits! Expect a sales invitation to buy their products or enroll in a program. Just realize this upfront as you go in and graciously decline should you choose not to take advantage. 5. Lower-priced information products and programs: If you can’t afford a live mentor, how about one in a box? That’s how I started! And I admit it was even from a TV infomercial. Back when I had finally quit my last job 10 years ago, I was lost and frustrated. I had started my business but was down to just a few hundred dollars in my bank account. One late night I was up and turned on the TV and saw an infomercial for Tony Robbins’ “Personal Power II”. (Funny enough, I could barely see it on the screen since I couldn’t afford cable TV and was watching it via old-fashioned rabbit ears.) If I remember correctly, the product was $179 at the time. That was a huge stretch for me, and I opted for the payment plan. And when those cassettes arrived (yes, I got the cassettes because they were cheaper than the CDs), I dove into them like a box of chocolates! Tony became my virtual mentor as his voice of encouragement, showing me how to think big, was played in my ears every day while I rode the subway. If you’re not growing, you’re dying… Remember that not having cash to invest in your business is no excuse to sit on your bum. There’s a great saying, “God helps those who help themselves.” Having money isn’t a prerequisite to step forward to grow and become your best. The only requirement to your stepping into your greatness is your true desire to do so. © 2009 Alexandria Brown International Inc.


Balance is something that we, as women, are constantly struggling to achieve, and the truth is that few of us ever do. Personally, I don’t even use the word ‘balance’ anymore, because it is just too time-consuming a struggle, and I seek ‘harmony’ instead. In today’s world, where the majority of women are now working outside of the home, and climbing higher in the corporate world than ever before, it is important for women to share how they manage to strive for it all, to reveal what works and what doesn’t so that we can all benefit and learn from each other’s struggles and triumphs Here are some tips from some top women execs in North America (1):
  • Don’t give up that precious time you have with your young child(ren). Go to the swimming lessons and music groups because you will never get that time back. Focusing on your business or career will be easier once your children are slightly older.
  • Accept that there will be days when you will not be a great mom – and other days when you will not be a great boss.
  • Keep life simple: shorten your commute, live close to work, schools, and daycare.
  • Don’t say ‘no’ to help – ever! Hire a nanny, recruit grandparents, and accept carpool offers for your kids. Outsource household jobs that do not have an impact on your kids, like laundry and housecleaning.
  • Put away your phone, turn off your computer, and refuse emails when you are home with your family.  If you must, there will always be time to sneak a peek after they have gone to bed or gone to their rooms.
  • Be clear at work that you need to leave at a reasonable time but while you are at work, stay focused on the task at hand.
  • Make sure your children know what you do for a living and that you love your job. They are less likely to see your work as a threat to their time with you.
  • Never be afraid to let your employers or clients see that you are a real person with a life outside of work. They will be more understanding of the times you need flexibility in your schedule.
I left this one for last:
  • Ideally, be present with your family for the important stuff, like homework time, or school drop-off or sporting events. Try not to miss recitals or other school and recreational events that help to define your children and their relationship with you.  My vote though – just do your best! Guilt is a wasted emotion – let it go as quickly as possible. Society doesn’t owe you anything and you make your own rules.  My own personal rule: I am constantly striving for harmony as balance is too tippy for me.

“On The Women to Watch List”:

Jessica Herrin: CEO and Founder – Stella & Dot
  • had two kids while founding the company
  • still took time to do swim lesson and infant classes with her kids
  • didn’t focus on how quickly the company was growing, focused on her kids
  • has no regrets
Padmasree Warrior: Chief Technology and Strategy Officer – Cisco
  • was running a factory when her child was a newborn
  • felt constant guilt about not being with clients enough and then guilt about taking work home
  • felt guilt over not working out and looking like a supermodel
  • “There are days when I’m an awesome CTO but perhaps I’m not the best mom that day and other days I would leave work early to be at my sons graduation or recital… because that’s important.”
Theresia Gouw Ranzetta: Managing Partner – Accel Partners
  • planned her life so there is an 8 block radius between her daughter’s school, her home, and her work
  • achieves balance by having great nanny and grandparents nearby
Selina Tobaccowala: Senior Vice President Product & Engineering – SurveyMonkey
  • puts her phone and computer away when she gets home except in case of emergencies
  • when she is at work, her focus is on work
  • enjoys every minute with her daughter
Susan Wojcicki: Senior Vice President of Product – Google
  • tells her team there are no emails between 6 and 9pm
  • leaves work at a reasonable time
  • outsources what your kids won’t notice, like laundry.
  • is there to walk them to school and help with homework
Carolyn Everson: Vice President Global Marketing Solutions -Facebook
  • rolls the kids into work and work into the kids
  • makes sure her kids understood what she did from an early age
  • takes kids on work trips and lets them meet clients and see the world with her
  • her kids see her work as an amazing opportunity and benefit and not as something that pulls their mom away
  • lets her  clients know she is a real person who has a life and family outside work so that they will understand that sometimes she has to leave
(1) Source: Bloomberg TV

How To Find the Right Man for Bliss in the Bedroom

We know, we know, we can practically see you rolling your eyes! Another article on finding Mr. Right to go along with the thousands already out there. We feel your pain. But, we here at Women Who Run It: Your Life – Your Love – Your Terms! promised to bring you the information you need with no B.S., no fluff, and no fillers, and we plan on keeping good on that promise! I recently spent an enlightening hour speaking with David Shade, who is known as The Renegade Sex Expert (he came referred by one of my guy friends). David is the bestselling author of The Secrets of Female Sexuality and I was dying to hear what he had to say about how an ‘alpha’ woman who runs it all during the day can find a Masterful Lover™ for ultimate sexual fulfillment at night! One reason why so many women are not finding sexual fulfillment, David believes, is that as women who run it all during the day, taking on the world, and maintaining control, we really need to be ‘submissive’; to give up, let go, to feel deep pleasure in the bedroom. Sex is a mental playground for us women, and in order to achieve the release of an orgasm, to be cherished and adored, and to not be in charge (even for a little while), we have to learn to just let go and let the man lead us and take charge of our pleasure. Now, I know that is tough for most of us! [I personally had trouble getting my head around the idea that I have to submit to a man until I reframed it to surrendering into my own pleasure.] But how do you find a man that can lead us to full-on bliss in the bedroom? David says to think of it like hiring good employees and empowering them. Find a really great guy, one who is not intimidated, one who is turned on by the power and control you maintain during the day, and then let him do what he is good at – pleasuring you! Here is where you need to put some detective skills to work on finding that man:
  • Men learn to be men from their fathers, so you must find a man whose father was a good role model, whom he respects and who respects and treats his own wife well (ie. your beau’s mother).
  • Men learn how to have healthy relationships with women from their mothers. You need to look for a man who has a good, healthy, functional relationship with his mother.
  • Third, you need to find out if he is going to be willing to take the lead in the bedroom with your pleasure foremost in his mind. BEFORE you hit the bedroom or even third base, pose some hypothetical questions to him about sexuality and see how he responds. What will he do when you tell him you ‘like to get a little bit naughty’? Is he responsive or have you scared him away? Men inadvertently tell us EVERYTHING we need to know in the very very early days of dating – if we pay attention!!
  • Once you feel like you have a potential “masterful lover’ on the hook, let him know that you want to let go in the bedroom – to not be in charge all the time. Does he take charge? Is he up for the task?
Do you have a promising candidate? Think he may be up to the task?  At this point, the most important thing you can do is to stop self-sabotaging. We women pride ourselves on our multi-tasking abilities but yet the most important things you can do to help your man get you to the point of deep, fulfilling sexual pleasure are:
  • Relax and let him take charge
  • Stay away from the self-defeating language
  • Do not get caught up in the societal misconception that a man just wants to ‘get off.’ A truly enlightened man wants to take responsibility for your pleasure and in turn that brings him immense pleasure as well.
Remember  – sex is a mental exercise for men as well as women. An enlightened man truly, deeply, wants and needs to pleasure you to feel his ultimate best and you need to let go and allow him to! A great man never wants to leave his woman unfulfilled sexually and if you both do your parts, you can end up with the sex life and the orgasms of your dreams. (Ladies, I have had them in my life and I am never going to settle again!).


Before I begin on my quest to transform a life from one of poverty to one of unlimited financial wealth, let me set out some important facts about poverty and wealth in America:
  • 46.2 million Americans live below the poverty line (http://e.wikipedia.org/wiki/Povery_in_the_United_States)
  • 50% of American Households make less than $34,000 a year. (Tax Foundation.org)
  • Average student loan debt now exceeds $25,000 (http://money.cnn.com/2011/11/03/pf/student_loan_debt/index.htm)
  • 309 million people currently reside in America. (http://quickfacts.census.gov/gfd/states/00000.html)
  • 138 million make enough money to warrant filing an income tax return (Tax Foundation.org)
  • 6.9 million, or 5%, make $155,000 or more a year. (Tax Foundation.org)
This 5% puts money away for retirement, education for their children, savings, to go on fun vacations, live in nice homes, and retire without any financial worries. So, what is this 5% doing right? What is it that financially successful individuals do that sets them apart from everyone else? In a five-year research study on the daily habits of wealthy and poor individuals the answer is: it’s your daily habits! (www.richhabits.net) Wealthy individuals have many good daily habits and few bad daily habits. Conversely, poor individuals have many bad daily habits and few good daily habits. The simple reason for this has to do with how you were raised. In wealthy households parents go to great lengths to instill good daily success habits in their children. This creates what I refer to as, “the generational cycle of wealth” and is a materially contributory factor to the wealth gap. It is also the underlying reason why the rich get richer. In poor households children learn bad daily habits from their parents and this creates what I refer to as, “the generational cycle of poverty”. In poor households the poor get poorer and this pattern repeats itself from one generation to the next. So how do you break the generational cycle of poverty?  You need to eliminate your bad daily habits and replace them with good daily habits. STEP 1: Figure out which bad habits are making you poor
  • You watch too much T.V. and waste too much time on social media.
  • You eat too much and drink too much of the wrong things.
  • You don’t exercise enough aerobically.
  • Your relationships are on an “as needed” basis. You only reach out to your friends to socialize or when you have problems and need their help. You don’t call them just to say hello, happy birthday or to congratulate them or console them when something happens in their lives. In other words, you ignore them unless you need them for something.
  • Procrastination is the rule rather than the exception. You don’t maintain or stick to a daily “to do” list.
  • You devote very little time to your career beyond working. You do not attempt to become an expert in your field. To you, work is a necessary evil that one must endure in life in order to survive. Therefore, you do the bare minimum. You have “it’s not in my job description” syndrome.
  • You talk too much and don’t listen enough. Oftentimes, you are putting your foot in your mouth and saying inappropriate things.
  • You are not generous with your time or money with respect to your relationships.
  • You are a spender and not a saver. You don’t save 10% of your income every month. You spend more than you earn and your debt is overwhelming you.
  • You don’t control your thoughts and emotions on a daily basis. You lose your temper too often and belittle others too much.
  • You don’t network enough or at all with respect to your career or field.
  • You don’t set goals or don’t understand what goals really are.
STEP 2: Find good daily habits that will end your poverty The Ten Good Daily Success Habits of Wealthy Individuals (1):
  1. Wealthy individuals have eliminated their bad daily habits and replaced them with good daily habits.
  2. They set daily, monthly, annual and long-term goals. They understand the difference between a wish and a goal.
  3. They engage in daily self-improvement. They engage in four core career-related, self-improvement activities.
  4. They  take good care of their health. They exercise aerobically 20-30 minutes each time, four days a week. They monitor what they eat and how much they eat.
  5. They manage their relationships every day. Strong relationships are the currency of the wealthy. They employ certain strategies to grow their relationships such as: “The Hello Call”, “The Happy Birthday Call” and “The Life Event Call”.
  6. Wealthy individuals live each day in moderation.
  7. They complete at least 70% of the tasks on their daily “to do” list.
  8. Wealthy individuals engage in “Rich Thinking”. They are upbeat, positive and focused on achievement.
  9. Wealthy individuals save a minimum of 10% of their income every year.
  10. Wealthy individuals control their thoughts and emotions, every day.
STEP 3: Re-program yourself with your new good daily success habits
  1. Take out a piece of paper and form two columns. In the first column list every one of your bad daily habits. Call this column your “Bad Habits” column.
  2. After listing all of your bad daily habits invert them and include them under column two, your “Good Habits” column. For example: “I watch too much TV” becomes “I watch 1 hour of TV per day”. “I eat too much” becomes “I eat 2,000 calories per day”. Fill your Good Habits column with these inverted Bad Habits. Keep your ‘good habits’ list with you and refer to it every day.
  3. Live your new good daily habits for 30 days. By the end of this 30 day period you will be unshackled from those bad daily habits that have been dragging you down and creating failure in your life.
So many want what has been called the “American Dream”. Yet, dreaming will only get you so far. The rubber meets the road to financial success only when you begin doing. You need to do certain things every day that will make you successful in life. You need to eliminate your bad habits and re-program yourself by living new good daily success habits. Success is a process. It’s not about random luck, education or superior genealogy. It’s about what you do every day. It’s about your daily habits!

Holiday Recovery 101

How many of you are suffering through the ‘January Blahs’? It’s no wonder for many of us this month seems to go on forever. We women hold it together through the hectic holiday season, running the show, with not a minute to even think about getting sick or slowing down. Then, along comes January and we look forward to a little down-time only to be slammed by a nasty cold/sinus infection/cough/insert other annoying bug or virus here. This year, we want to help you make the transition from the December crazies to the dreary or monotonous months of January in good health and good spirits. Here’s the plan: GET SOME EXERCISE: Be kind to your body and do not punish it with extra trips to the gym and grueling pain-inducing workouts just because you managed to eat too much shortbread over the holidays. Focus on feeling healthy, not guilty. Get some cardio to keep your spirits up, plus some strength exercises to make sure you’re staying toned for when the winter clothes are shed again. Rome wasn’t built in a day and that holiday flab isn’t leaving you that soon either. Resolve to be kind to your body and keep it strong and healthy, to improve your blood circulation, boost your energy levels, and to get some alone time to concentrate on yourself. And if you can’t get to the gym, promise yourself you will get in a small walk, some stretching, or just some hopping around to music a few times a week while cooking dinner or doing housework. COOK FROM SCRATCH: Okay, we do realize that not everybody is adept in the kitchen but after a month of fatty foods, sweets, and culinary indulgences, there is something very appealing about a big bowl of homemade vegetable soup and some warm bread, or a nice baked chicken breast with garlic mashed potatoes and wilted spinach. Maybe now is that time to take that slow cooker your great-aunt  gave you three Christmases ago out of the box and give it a whirl. The internet is your friend when it comes to simple, healthy recipes in a flash. KEEP UP WITH HOBBIES AND FRIENDS: Kids go back to school in January (hallelujah) but so can we grown-ups! Adult classes are starting a new semester in January as well, so why not sign up for some pottery, carpentry, creative writing, or salsa dance lessons? Having somewhere to go one evening a week helps to fend off the winter blahs, and meeting new friends is just a wonderful bonus. Keeping up with old friends is another promise you should make yourself this winter. Once the enforced ‘togetherness’ of the holidays is over and we’ve all had time to catch our breath, it’s nice to get together and share a quiet glass of wine with some of your nearest and dearest. When it’s cold and blowy outside, and nobody really wants to brave the noise and clamour of a pub, converge at each other’s houses for some quality time. It’s a great way to stave off the isolation and melancholy that can set in after the holidays are over and winter sets in. LIMIT CAFFEINE AND SUGAR INTAKE: When it’s freezing outside or you’re stressed by playing catch-up after taking time away from the office, a nice hot drink could be just what the doctor ordered. Yet by mid-February many of us often find ourselves on a caffeine induced rollercoaster of fatigue and then sleeplessness. Make it a mission to find non-caffeinated substitutes for your favourite orange pekoes and lattes. There have never been so many varieties of herbal teas or decaffeinated coffees on the market, so dive in and see what you like. You may find that the ritual of sipping from a steaming mug is just as satisfying whether it’s rocket fuel coffee or lemon and honey. And if you simply can’t imagine cutting out caffeine altogether, make sure you don’t consume any after 4pm so that it will have worn off by bedtime. Similarly, the sugary sweets we indulged in over the holidays actually drain our energy. The high  we first experience is actually a spike in our blood sugar level which then causes our body to release insulin. That means a subsequent crash. And if you’re having your sugar with a dose of caffeine, you’ve got yourself a vicious cycle. Take those leftover cookies and treats, and pop them in the freezer (if you just can’t bear to toss them). Not only will you have a small occasional treat for yourself for a few months to come, but freezing them means you have to actually defrost them before you indulge, giving you the chance to reconsider your choice. GET LOTS OF SLEEP: Getting enough sleep means you will have a stronger ability to fight off those nasty winter bugs, it will make you more patient with your loved ones, it will make you better able to focus at work, and studies have shown that people who get less sleep are more likely to put on weight (oh, those late-night munchies)! We women always feel like there is never enough time in the day, so throw caution to the wind and head to bed an hour early for a week and see how you feel. The universe will not come crashing to an end and you may even find yourself waking up more refreshed, less groggy, and capable of being more productive during the day. Most importantly, begin the year as you mean to go on. Do you plan on 12 months of fatigue, sore muscles, and take-out food? Sounds ridiculous, doesn’t it? Forget all the endless articles, commercials, and television shows about diets, resolutions,and food fads. The biggest and most important resolution you can possibly make is to be kind to your body and soul… and in turn they will be kind to you.


Are you recently divorced and dreading the thought of dating again? Are you feeling anxious about knowing what the new rules of dating are? Are you clueless as to where to meet men? Have you forgotten how to feel sexy? Do you look in the mirror and hate what you see? These are just some of the thoughts that raced through my head when I got divorced. I even felt angry for being put in a position where I needed to “reinvent” myself…why the heck for! I was great with who I was (or so I thought). It all seemed like such hard work…more work to add on my already plentiful plate. How do I start dating again? Well I’m here to tell you that it doesn’t have to be hard work. It doesn’t have to take much preparation or strategizing. It WILL take you being open to using your body as a way to capture men’s attention…and NOT the way you’re thinking. Oh and I do mean…several men! When you learn how to make slight alterations to your body language in order to have a more sensual, confident and feminine look, you’ll become more visible to men. And with this alluring energy, you’ll be able to attract men at any time of day and in any scenario. It’ll be like a volume button that you’ll be able to turn up or down depending on how you feel. This is why you need to master the art of first impressions. 60% of communication is done through the non-verbal. How you use your body language let’s people know how you feel about yourself. So you need to learn the techniques that will give you quick and easy access to emanate your confidence within seconds because you never know when a quality man will show up. The reality of first impressions is…we all make judgments based on little or no information about someone. Our unconscious mind is picking up on subtle cues and giving you feedback. Studies have shown that men are attracted to 5 specific things when it comes to being with a woman.
  1. Looks: This doesn’t mean you have to look like a model but it does mean you need to be aware of how you dress and put yourself together in a way that enhances your assets.
  2. Sexual ‘Openness;: This doesn’t mean you need to be a porn star. It means you need to exude feminine essence and sensuality.
  3. Fun and Adventure: Real life is boring and men want to know that you can be playful and spontaneous.
  4. Nurturance: Men need to know that you care. They can feel your heart.
  5. Youthfulness: A woman that is passionate about life and allows herself to be silly and at times mischievous.
Of all 5 personality traits, the 3 most important are sexy, playful and caring. If one of these 3 is missing then you’re NOT magnetic. You don’t want to only be his sex toy, you don’t want to only be his friend, and you don’t want to only be his mom…get it ladies? You need a combination of all 3 ingredients to be seen as attractive. I know what it means to be a sexual toy. After my divorce I was an angry woman that was using her sexuality to seduce men and then toss them aside…to give them a taste of their own medicine…or so I thought. I was using my sensuality without my heart…and so I didn’t care about the men I met. This formula was completely wrong and depleted my energy.  However, now that I am using sensuality with the right intention….the feeling is PRICELESS! So let’s look at the first aspect men are looking for…Sexual Openness. You see, men want to feel like you are a woman of pleasure. You can indulge in the senses in a manner that gets him out of his head and into his body. Mistake #1: Walking Without a Swish. When your body is pitched forward with your shoulders leaning forward, you are giving the impression that you are carrying the weight of the world. You engage the wrong muscles and therefore you have no hip action when you walk. In turn this can be interpreted as stiff and rigid…even masculine. Mistake #2: Never Touching Yourself A woman that never touches herself tells men that she is uncomfortable and disconnected with her body. A man may think she has issues with her body image and therefore uneasy with receiving and giving pleasure in the bedroom. I know this may sound harsh, but natural confidence comes through in your demeanor. Mistake #3: Never Smiling A smile seems like a simple concept but in the grand scheme of things is huge. A man is always looking for approval from a woman. He wants to know you are interested in him but more importantly that you are a joyful person that leads a happy life. You see, cheerful people are contagious. We all want to be around people that look at the glass as being half full, not half empty. And your smile tells the world which ‘eyeglasses’ you choose to wear on a daily basis. So ladies, be aware that you cannot NOT communicate. It is in our human nature to make judgments, to pick up on subtle cues and then create an impression. What impression do you want to leave a man with?

How to Handle a Man of any Zodiac Sign

Aries:  (March 21-April 19) : Fire sign. Thunder and lighting; he’s a fierce lover and an initiator! Aries lover is a romantic and a child at heart but he likes to be kept on his toes. Aries hates possessiveness, so make sure to give him his space. He is a “macho” man, assertive partner, and dominant (hmm, he may desire you to surrender yourself completely if you want to be in his good grace). Taurus (April 20-May 20): Earth sign. Steady, materialistic, and ambitious. Taurus is attracted to beauty, sensuality, and good food. Taurus likes curvy and voluptuous women;  his hands will be all over your rear end as soon he gets a green light. Explicit sex is his speciality! Gemini (May 21-June 20): Air sign. Adventurous, likes to try new things in and out of the bedroom and his mind runs his show. A Gemini lover is a 24/7 experience. You have to be intriguing, and potentially offer to try racy sex games to keep him interested…! Cancer (June 21-July 22): Water sign. Overly emotional, homebody; ‘forget-me-not’ kind of guy. He will love you and cherish you as long you give him some much-needed nurturing. He is the original breast man… so enjoy, ladies. Leo (July 23-August 22): Fire sign. Lover, sex magnet, sex machine, flamboyant, and the list goes on. If you get involved with Leo, you better know how to boost his ego. Leo will give you every pleasure imaginable but you need to know how to keep his fire burning! Virgo (August 23-September 22): Earth sign. Hard working, organized, and overly reasonable sign. If you get involved with a Virgo man, you better listen to his advice because he likes to feel needed and in control. Of course as the sassy, sexy ‘alpha’ you are, you can always advise him back about how to put more fun into his love life! Give him an “erotic math” class by teaching him how to add and subtract his hidden desires and get him more involved with expressing his sexual needs. Libra (September 23-October 22): Air sign. Beauty lover, fond of socializing, fetish for beauty, numerous lovers, flirtatious, exuberant. Be aware that a Libra man will often show you that he is interested in you, but the moment you are overly available, his attentiveness might disintegrate into thin air. If he is seriously interested in you, you had better be prepared, because Libra men know all about partnership, Scorpio (October 23-November 21): Water sign. God of the underworld, and kinky sex. Intensity is his middle name: watch out for possessiveness, jealousy, vindictiveness. You had better be ready for a rollercoaster ride with this one. If you think he will not sting you and give you his deadly poison, you have another thing coming. Scorpio man will own you and consume you, but if you truly want to be with him do not resist, because he will find the way to appease you. Sagittarius (November 22-December 21):  Fire sign. Lover, Casanova, untamed spirit, not often husband material… A Sagittarius man might  lean towards clandestine affairs. He will wine you, dine you, love you and … potentially leave you (because that is what he does). a Sagittarius man will give you sexual pleasure, make you feel special and beautiful, but he has a tendency to want to move on to greener pastures. Enjoy him while it lasts! Capricorn (December 22-January 19):  Earth sign. Calculative, ambitious, controlling, demanding, sensual, dominant. If you get involved with a Capricorn man, you might have to learn to satisfy his needs. He is always in conflict with himself, he loves  money, and he loves his pleasures.To be involved with Capricorn man you have to surrender yourself to the relationship entirely.  Leather and lace would be good way to spice up the relationship. Hmmm – 50 Shades of Grey anyone? Aquarius (January 20—February 18):  Air sign. Generous, emotionally detached, cosmopolitan, hyper, hot and cold behaviour. Aquarius man will love you, make your fantasies come alive, and charm you with his intelligence and inventiveness. Anything new age is of interest to him, and that includes experimenting with new sex toys and trying something with a kick. Be careful, he may be too much to handle. Pisces (February 19-March 20): Water sign. Emotional, needy (!), loves to overindulge in everything. Man Pisces is someone you would love to introduce to your parents. He is on the constant quest for love and a satisfying relationship. He is intuitive, in touch with his emotions, romantic and enjoys ‘intimate moments under the moonlight’. He is not an intensity driven ‘sex machine’, rather a “soft touch massage me all night” kind of guy! Don’t forget he loves to over-indulge in his food and YOU!


So how did you do ladies – can you see your man (or past men) in any of these star signs?

The Beginners Guide to Surrender in 6 Simple Steps

Surrender is NOT for sissies. Surrender, by definition, means relinquishing control…a frightening concept for us control freaks. Surrender drops you swiftly into a sea of uncertainty, at the mercy of your worst fears, producing serious doubts about ever being productive again. I’m speaking from experience here. But, despite the discomfort, I’m fast becoming a fan. Something happened when I stopped struggling to impose my will and surrendered to receiving guidance – financial success started to feel like a spiritual journey. Primitive cultures and Eastern Religions had rites and rituals to honor the ‘Time- Between’. They took their people out of the villages, into the wilderness, allowing them to connect with their spirit guides, reassess old ways of being, recognize their true purpose. But no one teaches us, or even encourages, this practice any more. So, for those of you wishing to take some time out in a rich and rewarding way, I bring you The Beginners Guide to Surrender (so named because it’s written by a total beginner…me!). There’s no need to leave your village, or even your job. Just follow these 6 simple (though not easy) steps. Step #1 – Eliminate everything but the most essential: I remember saying to my guy last winter, “I wish I could take the next month off!” “Why don’t you?” he responded. I gasped. Taking time off was unthinkable. Or was it? I decided to ease into it slowly, by saying ‘no’ to things that didn’t feed my soul, no matter how lucrative…or tempting. I said ‘no’ to speaking invitations, ‘no’ to networking opportunities, ‘no’ to new clients, ‘no’ to writing my newsletter and blog. If anyone asked, I was on sabbatical until further notice. I continued a little teaching and coaching, but only because I wanted to. As a result I was left with a lot of down-time…which, of course, is the whole point. But to many, down-time is a dirty word. And I know why: we’ll do anything to avoid the dreaded step two. Step #2 – Allow uncomfortable feelings to surface: Uncertainty, fear , self doubt–all those demons we’ve been artfully dodging through over-work, over-eating, over-spending and other drugs of choice—will inevitably rear their ugly heads. For me, my biggest fear was being invisible, disappearing, not mattering. I knew that was exactly what I had to face. Because, I knew very well, on the other side of fear is power. And, more than anything, I wanted to retrieve all the power I had given away in a myriad of ways. So, too, I yearned to retrieve all that creativity I felt I lost. To that end, I also knew that uncertainty, as anxiety producing as it was for me, is the natural beginning of all creative acts, a primal state of pure energy, a very fertile time. It’s been an emotional roller coaster, but I buckled in for the ride. As I wrote in Overcoming Underearning: “When you learn to face that which makes you fearful, it need never control you again.” I genuinely believe that! Step #3 – Reassess, reevaluate: The first question most people ask themselves, when facing uncertainty, is: what should I do? I’m here to tell you, that’s the LAST question to pose. The first questions should always be: What do I need to let go of? Where am I giving my power away? A big piece of surrender is letting go of what’s holding us back, reclaiming our power. How do you know what needs to go? Whatever you’re most afraid to release. For me, I was willing to let go of writing, speaking, my business in general, my identity in particular….I was willing to make space for whatever was to come next. I used the time to ask myself questions: What am I here to do? How do I want to live? Who do I desire to help? Where do I want to make a difference? I journaled, meditated, read A Course in Miracles, joined a mastermind group, processed my insights daily with friends. Self reflection became my major focus. Surrender means taking time to go within. It also means looking outward with new eyes. That’s what Step #4 is all about. Step #4 – Receive consciously: Receiving is an acquired skill most of us have never learned. I’ve come to see that Successful Surrender requires Conscious Receiving. And the first Rule of Conscious Receiving is: Give Up Judgment. In other words:
  • Everything that happens, ‘good’ and ‘bad’, is seen as a message or a gift.
  • There is no negative, there is no positive, there is only information.
  • Whatever occurs during Surrender is simply feedback about your future.
For example, during this period, I got an idea for a book, was all excited, and sent it my agent. He rejected it immediately. Normally, I’d be devastated…and, admittedly, I was for a bit. But I began looking for the gift, the message, the lesson. I figured it wasn’t time for the book but I’d be shown when it was. And if not the book, something else will surface. I continued to journal, meditate, self-reflect . Then, a few weeks ago, someone asked me when I was going to do another newsletter. Of course, I took it as a sign. As I wrote it, I felt compelled to blog. Who knows what’s next! Step #5 – Enjoy yourself: Surrender doesn’t need to be so serious. In fact, it shouldn’t be. I believe fun factors heavily in healing. I set an intention to include lots of play and pampering into my schedule, to be vigilant for opportunities to nourish myself. My boyfriend moved in, and what a joy he’s been. I have regular massages. I work out religiously at the gym. I visited my kids and my grandkids. I made plans to go to Sedona with friends. I’m always looking for a good laugh or a big hug, whatever lights me up. Step # 6 – Do what comes next: I’m convinced, as I follow these steps, opportunities -often disguised as coincidences – will arise. In fact, I’m counting on that fact. My job is just to do what’s next, grabbing whatever the Universe tosses my way. I’m still in the thick of surrender, but I swear, I see light at the end of the tunnel. I’m just not sure what I’ll find in that light. But I trust it will be glorious! Not necessarily glitzy or grandiose. But deeply satisfying and truly meaningful. Oh what a grand adventure life is!