Tantra loving is your answer!
Tantric Sex is becoming the sexual learning of choice for women (and men) who want to have it all: a passionate love life, a healthy body, and spiritual growth. Tantric lovemaking involves breathing exercises, muscle contraction exercises, sound, visualization, affirmations, creating a sacred loving space and other rituals, meditation, sensual massage, and sexual play. In order to create enough sexual energy to move into ecstatic states of divine connection Tantrikas make love for long periods of time, experiencing extraordinary levels of pleasure along the way. You would (reportedly) be in the company of Sting/Trudie, Tom Hanks, Heather Graham and P. Diddy among potentially the woman who sits next to you on the subway! You can see and feel a difference in your lovemaking experience right away if you follow these steps.
Tantric Lovemaking Step by Step:
1. Intention “Regular” lovemaking has a goal – orgasm. If you both come at the same time you’ve done it “really, really well”. If neither of you come at all you may as well have spent your time elsewhere. With Tantric loving, there is no goal. There is a purpose however, and that purpose is union. Every aspect of your Tantric loving serves that purpose. Your intention is to merge with your lover in all aspects – body, mind, heart and soul – not just body. You can help this along by looking at your lover differently, by seeing your partner as a god or goddess, as a living expression of the divine. Look for the glory, the beauty and the wonder in your playmate and in yourself and let that shine. 2. Creating a ‘Sacred Space’ Take time to set the mood. You can transform an ordinary space – a bedroom or living room – into a sacred space. To do this, takes only a few minutes and costs little or nothing. The important thing is your intention, not the specific items you use. – First, clean and de-clutter the room. – If it is evening, dim the lights and use candles all around the room. – Bring in some plants or fresh cut flowers. A bowl of fruit is very sensual. You may wish to have a bottle of wine to share. – Bring special objects into the room. Any objects that have emotional importance for you will work very well. Create your lover’s bed. – Make up the bed with clean linens and have lots of pillows handy. When you have finished creating the space, take a few moments to purify it energetically. That means consciously sending away negative or fearful thoughts and feelings, and inviting in those that are joyous, passionate and safe. You can even create your own rituals with sweetgrass, incense, and musical instruments. The Lover’s Purifying Bath: Don’t forget to cleanse each other in preparation for your joyous union. A shared hot bath with essential oils and bath salts is perfect (a shared shower is also so very sensual). The essential thing is to be squeaky clean. After all you will be eating off that skin! Sensually prepare your bodies for the delights ahead. Honor, Respect and Permission: Trust, surrender and opening your heart are essential if you want to reach the heights of bliss. It is not just technique that will get you there. You and your lover must join together as loving equals on the sexual journey. Ladies: Let your man know that he is safe! He may act all macho and tough, showing little emotion, but you know that inside most men are afraid of emotional intimacy. The tougher a man acts the greater this fear of letting go, surrender and trust will likely be. Let him know that you recognize his strength, but also invite him to show his feelings. Let him know how much it turns you on when he shows some vulnerability mixed with his many strengths. Tell him how handsome he is and how talented. Mention all the things you like most about him. Tell him why you love him so strongly. Tell him how much you think about him when he is away, and how you have fantasies about making love to him and touching him when he returns. Make him believe that you really want him sexually. Finally, ask his permission to passionately love him in your practice of Tantra sacred sex. Men: Think of the vagina as a potential opening rather than as ‘always being open’. Do not ever take your lady for granted! Tell her how much you care for her and respect her. Tell her how much you love her. Speak words of adoration into her ears as you gently blow on them and nibble on her ear lobes. Let her know that you think of her constantly and how strong your desire is to make love with (not to) her. Also, let her know that you invite her to awaken sexually and to express her sexuality fully. Let her know that you are NOT caught in that tired old cultural conditioning that still insists “good girls” do not enjoy sex – the Madonna/Whore split. Make her believe you when you tell her that you know she can be all she wants to be: a successful career woman, a respectful daughter, a faithful wife, a caring mother, a passionate lover and a sincere spiritual seeker all at the same time. Tell her how beautiful she is, how wonderful she smells, and all the things you appreciate most about her. Finally, ask her permission to passionately love her in your practice of Tantra sacred sex. 3. Foreplay After you have asked and received permission to love each other up, tune into each other. Two simple ways to do this are through harmonizing your breathing and by looking deep into each other’s eyes. By matching your breathing rhythms and making soulful eye contact you connect energetically as well as physically. Begin to explore each other’s bodies with wonder, lust, and playfulness. Remember, in Tantra sacred loving there is no goal. You are not trying to get somewhere. Each act of loving is complete in and of itself. Once you master how to work with your sexual energy many men and women will discover that they can have orgasms just by touching fingers together. Indeed, you can have orgasms just by looking into each other’s eyes! So men are not in a hurry to get at the woman’s breasts or into her vagina. When touching her body, start at the extremities and work in toward the breasts and genitals. Start with the fingers and toes and work in. Go slowly! Generally men enjoy having their genitals touched at any time, but women usually only enjoy having their breasts and genitals touched after they are already sexually excited from other touching, stimulating conversation, or emotional connection. Make sure the woman is well lubricated before any attempt at intercourse. If possible, help her to have a clitoral orgasm before moving on to intercourse. 4. Intercourse The usual 5 to 15 minutes of lovemaking is typically not satisfying for most women. Men need to learn to delay ejaculation so that active lovemaking can be extended for hours. Men can learn to delay ejaculation not just during one lovemaking session, but for weeks or months at a time. Any man who masters this will eventually have the happy experience of orgasm without ejaculation. Orgasm without ejaculation will not deplete the man’s energy the same way that a regular ejaculatory orgasm does. This means that a man can have more than one orgasm; indeed, he can become a multi-orgasmic-man. When the man is able to last longer, it is much more likely that his female partner will also have multiple orgasms. Although Tantric loving lasts several hours, this does not mean you are having active intercourse during that entire time. Intercourse is interspersed with touching, oral play, quietly holding each other. It is a good idea for a man to allow his erection to subside every 30 minutes to exchange the blood supply and recharge his hormone levels. 5. The Passion Pump (Moving Your Energy) This muscle contraction exercise is very simple and can extensively increase your ecstatic union. If you were urinating and stopped the flow of urine in mid-stream you would be contracting exactly the right muscles for The Passion Pump exercise in exactly the right way. So imagine that you wanted to alternately start and stop the flow of urine. This squeezing and relaxing of muscles around your genitals is called the PC Pump. It’s the first and most important exercise in learning to circulate your sexual energy. At the peak of sexual arousal, either during intercourse or manual/oral stimulation stop your normal lovemaking movements and focus instead on moving the sexual energy that’s pulsing in your genitals. Move it up and through your body. Use slow, deep abdominal breathing to keep your body relaxed. Add the PC pumping action and visualize moving energy up your body in a ball of fire or a wave of light or a current of electricity. Through your eyes, your hands, your genitals you can learn to direct and pass this powerful force on to your lover. 6. Afterplay Regular lovemaking usually ends when the man ejaculates, but when men have learned to postpone ejaculation, stopping lovemaking then becomes a matter of choice. With Tantric loving you wind down your loving time with slow caresses, words of endearment and honoring each other with food and drink. 7. Sharing Wine, Food and Other Sensual Pleasures The sharing of good food, wine and other intoxicants, sensual massage, dressing up in costumes and playing sexual games are part of the ancient Tantric tradition. While Tantra is serious, it need not be heavy. Lighten up; be playful, lusty and daring! Tantra lovers know that they are personally responsible for their own sexual fulfillment and their own spiritual progress. This may be especially important for men. Many men experience a great deal of performance anxiety. But even the greatest, most sensitive, highly skilled Tantric lover cannot make a woman have orgasms. She must be able to go to that place in herself that is orgasmic. Sexual/spiritual ecstasy has little to do with control. It requires trust, surrender and letting go. Both lovers must learn to do this. If there is some psychological work to do before you will allow yourself to open in this way, then get on with it! In the meantime, please each other with the preparation, serving and consumption of fine food and drink. Lavish each other with touching in sensual massage. Dress up (and down!) for each other. Take on different personalities with different costumes. Wear masks! Play and laugh together often. Celebrate your spirit through your sexuality. Open your heart. Let your lover in and your love out!
The holiday season is over, many of us may still be paying off bills, we are in the dead of winter and, love it or hate it, we are in the build-up to Valentine’s Day – complete with an abundance of pink hearts and frilly chocolate boxes. It is either the best or the worst of days depending on your point of view. For those who are not fans of this Hallmark holiday, Valentine’s Day can be a time to feel a little bit blue and/or fed up with all the fuss. But for others it can be a major source of stress. It can add to the heartache of a broken relationship, or bring on a new wave of grief and loss. It can be lonely and stressful and even make you feel that you need to stay on the sidelines of life because you don’t have anyone ‘special’ by your side. My question is: has anyone died from a broken heart? We decided to investigate whether being ‘broken or lonely hearted’ could really lead to physical risk. We were shocked by what we discovered… ‘Takotsubo Syndrome’ was only first identified in Japan in 1991 and has since been commonly renamed in the western culture as “stress cardiomyopathy” or “Broken Heart Syndrome” Broken Heart Syndrome, it turns out, is real, it’s rough, and it can be dangerous – and it seems to hit women more often than men (90% of diagnosed cases*). Even worse, when women complain of their ‘broken’ heart they are often ignored! Another ailment that is “all in our head”? Here’s some facts: in layman’s terms, Broken Heart Syndrome (BHS) is a cardiac incident brought about by the body releasing a sudden surge of chemicals, including adrenaline, which can shock the heart muscles and cause them to stop working properly. Specifically it is the spasming of the left ventricle of the heart, causing loss of blood flow – just like a heart attack. It even presents with the same symptoms as a heart attack: chest pain, shortness of breath, arm pain, nausea, and sweating. But instead of an arterial blockage (as in a heart attack), when doctors test, they find the left ventricle misshapen to the point where it is constricting blood flow. What can cause Broken Heart Syndrome?
- Extremely stressful incidents like the loss of a loved one, or a pet; sudden bad news; heated arguments with family; relationship breakups, divorce, or an accumulation of stresses leading to a final, triggering event.
- Physical stress such as an asthma attack or even low blood sugar.
Who is most at risk? Although anybody can experience Broken Heart Syndrome, because it is largely stress-related, the majority of sufferers (approximately 90%) are women of menopausal age! Researchers have concluded this may be because the level of oestrogen (which helps women cope with huge stresses), is significantly lowered in menopause. A lessened ability to cope with stress plus the inevitable stresses of mid-life (divorce, parental death, etc) create the perfect circumstances for Broken Heart Syndrome. Can it be fatal? Yes – actually it can be. While some patients can be absolutely fine within days of an incident, there is a possibility that the heart muscle can be so constricted that it can no longer pump blood to the body fast enough, causing heart failure. So theoretically and physiologically, yes, we can die of a broken heart. However, most people do survive broken heart syndrome, just like they survive a broken heart. What can you do to avoid BHS**?
- Talk to your doctor if you have been undergoing emotional stress, trauma, or grief – in fact, talk to anyone!
- Express your emotions. Don’t hold it all in. This allows your body to respond better to stress.
- Only you can set the time limit on your grief: whether it’s for the death of a loved one, or the death of a relationship, do not let others set the agenda or timeframe for your grieving. Be proactive to figure out ways or mechanisms to alleviate your pain or grief.
- See your doctor regularly and make sure you report any new aches and pains so they are up-to-date on your medical history.
- Keep yourself fit, eat well, and get into a regular routine of sleep.
- If you do not feel up for it, then limit your exposure to the holidays and social gatherings that upset you. Be true to yourself and what you feel you can handle.
- Make sure you do something that is good for your body and soul – go for walks, take bubble baths, listen to music. Participating in something enjoyable will lessen the stress on your body. As you feel broken hearted, remind yourself of what you are grateful for.
- if you feel broken hearted, still try to hang out with friends that empathize with what you are going through and who gently encourage you to live life to your fullest definition. The cliche is true that in many cases “time heals” a broken heart.
Although Broken Heart Syndrome is a very real medical condition, in many ways our ability to avoid it is up to us. Large-scale stress happens in life. As we age, we realize that it is unavoidable. In the end, our ability to cope with it and not have it trigger or contribute to major health problems, relies on our ability to handle the smaller daily stresses that we encounter all the time. In essence, the more time we spend loving in our daily lives, the less chance we will ever die of a broken heart! *http://www.webmd.com/heart/
**http://www.psychologytoday. com/blog/two-takes-depression/ 201202/broken-heart-syndrome- its-real-and-its-rough
- Don’t give up that precious time you have with your young child(ren). Go to the swimming lessons and music groups because you will never get that time back. Focusing on your business or career will be easier once your children are slightly older.
- Accept that there will be days when you will not be a great mom – and other days when you will not be a great boss.
- Keep life simple: shorten your commute, live close to work, schools, and daycare.
- Don’t say ‘no’ to help – ever! Hire a nanny, recruit grandparents, and accept carpool offers for your kids. Outsource household jobs that do not have an impact on your kids, like laundry and housecleaning.
- Put away your phone, turn off your computer, and refuse emails when you are home with your family. If you must, there will always be time to sneak a peek after they have gone to bed or gone to their rooms.
- Be clear at work that you need to leave at a reasonable time but while you are at work, stay focused on the task at hand.
- Make sure your children know what you do for a living and that you love your job. They are less likely to see your work as a threat to their time with you.
- Never be afraid to let your employers or clients see that you are a real person with a life outside of work. They will be more understanding of the times you need flexibility in your schedule.
- Ideally, be present with your family for the important stuff, like homework time, or school drop-off or sporting events. Try not to miss recitals or other school and recreational events that help to define your children and their relationship with you. My vote though – just do your best! Guilt is a wasted emotion – let it go as quickly as possible. Society doesn’t owe you anything and you make your own rules. My own personal rule: I am constantly striving for harmony as balance is too tippy for me.
“On The Women to Watch List”:Jessica Herrin: CEO and Founder – Stella & Dot
- had two kids while founding the company
- still took time to do swim lesson and infant classes with her kids
- didn’t focus on how quickly the company was growing, focused on her kids
- has no regrets
- was running a factory when her child was a newborn
- felt constant guilt about not being with clients enough and then guilt about taking work home
- felt guilt over not working out and looking like a supermodel
- “There are days when I’m an awesome CTO but perhaps I’m not the best mom that day and other days I would leave work early to be at my sons graduation or recital… because that’s important.”
- planned her life so there is an 8 block radius between her daughter’s school, her home, and her work
- achieves balance by having great nanny and grandparents nearby
- puts her phone and computer away when she gets home except in case of emergencies
- when she is at work, her focus is on work
- enjoys every minute with her daughter
- tells her team there are no emails between 6 and 9pm
- leaves work at a reasonable time
- outsources what your kids won’t notice, like laundry.
- is there to walk them to school and help with homework
- rolls the kids into work and work into the kids
- makes sure her kids understood what she did from an early age
- takes kids on work trips and lets them meet clients and see the world with her
- her kids see her work as an amazing opportunity and benefit and not as something that pulls their mom away
- lets her clients know she is a real person who has a life and family outside work so that they will understand that sometimes she has to leave
- Men learn to be men from their fathers, so you must find a man whose father was a good role model, whom he respects and who respects and treats his own wife well (ie. your beau’s mother).
- Men learn how to have healthy relationships with women from their mothers. You need to look for a man who has a good, healthy, functional relationship with his mother.
- Third, you need to find out if he is going to be willing to take the lead in the bedroom with your pleasure foremost in his mind. BEFORE you hit the bedroom or even third base, pose some hypothetical questions to him about sexuality and see how he responds. What will he do when you tell him you ‘like to get a little bit naughty’? Is he responsive or have you scared him away? Men inadvertently tell us EVERYTHING we need to know in the very very early days of dating – if we pay attention!!
- Once you feel like you have a potential “masterful lover’ on the hook, let him know that you want to let go in the bedroom – to not be in charge all the time. Does he take charge? Is he up for the task?
- Relax and let him take charge
- Stay away from the self-defeating language
- Do not get caught up in the societal misconception that a man just wants to ‘get off.’ A truly enlightened man wants to take responsibility for your pleasure and in turn that brings him immense pleasure as well.
- 46.2 million Americans live below the poverty line (http://e.wikipedia.org/wiki/Povery_in_the_United_States)
- 50% of American Households make less than $34,000 a year. (Tax Foundation.org)
- Average student loan debt now exceeds $25,000 (http://money.cnn.com/2011/11/03/pf/student_loan_debt/index.htm)
- 309 million people currently reside in America. (http://quickfacts.census.gov/gfd/states/00000.html)
- 138 million make enough money to warrant filing an income tax return (Tax Foundation.org)
- 6.9 million, or 5%, make $155,000 or more a year. (Tax Foundation.org)
- You watch too much T.V. and waste too much time on social media.
- You eat too much and drink too much of the wrong things.
- You don’t exercise enough aerobically.
- Your relationships are on an “as needed” basis. You only reach out to your friends to socialize or when you have problems and need their help. You don’t call them just to say hello, happy birthday or to congratulate them or console them when something happens in their lives. In other words, you ignore them unless you need them for something.
- Procrastination is the rule rather than the exception. You don’t maintain or stick to a daily “to do” list.
- You devote very little time to your career beyond working. You do not attempt to become an expert in your field. To you, work is a necessary evil that one must endure in life in order to survive. Therefore, you do the bare minimum. You have “it’s not in my job description” syndrome.
- You talk too much and don’t listen enough. Oftentimes, you are putting your foot in your mouth and saying inappropriate things.
- You are not generous with your time or money with respect to your relationships.
- You are a spender and not a saver. You don’t save 10% of your income every month. You spend more than you earn and your debt is overwhelming you.
- You don’t control your thoughts and emotions on a daily basis. You lose your temper too often and belittle others too much.
- You don’t network enough or at all with respect to your career or field.
- You don’t set goals or don’t understand what goals really are.
- Wealthy individuals have eliminated their bad daily habits and replaced them with good daily habits.
- They set daily, monthly, annual and long-term goals. They understand the difference between a wish and a goal.
- They engage in daily self-improvement. They engage in four core career-related, self-improvement activities.
- They take good care of their health. They exercise aerobically 20-30 minutes each time, four days a week. They monitor what they eat and how much they eat.
- They manage their relationships every day. Strong relationships are the currency of the wealthy. They employ certain strategies to grow their relationships such as: “The Hello Call”, “The Happy Birthday Call” and “The Life Event Call”.
- Wealthy individuals live each day in moderation.
- They complete at least 70% of the tasks on their daily “to do” list.
- Wealthy individuals engage in “Rich Thinking”. They are upbeat, positive and focused on achievement.
- Wealthy individuals save a minimum of 10% of their income every year.
- Wealthy individuals control their thoughts and emotions, every day.
- Take out a piece of paper and form two columns. In the first column list every one of your bad daily habits. Call this column your “Bad Habits” column.
- After listing all of your bad daily habits invert them and include them under column two, your “Good Habits” column. For example: “I watch too much TV” becomes “I watch 1 hour of TV per day”. “I eat too much” becomes “I eat 2,000 calories per day”. Fill your Good Habits column with these inverted Bad Habits. Keep your ‘good habits’ list with you and refer to it every day.
- Live your new good daily habits for 30 days. By the end of this 30 day period you will be unshackled from those bad daily habits that have been dragging you down and creating failure in your life.
- Looks: This doesn’t mean you have to look like a model but it does mean you need to be aware of how you dress and put yourself together in a way that enhances your assets.
- Sexual ‘Openness;: This doesn’t mean you need to be a porn star. It means you need to exude feminine essence and sensuality.
- Fun and Adventure: Real life is boring and men want to know that you can be playful and spontaneous.
- Nurturance: Men need to know that you care. They can feel your heart.
- Youthfulness: A woman that is passionate about life and allows herself to be silly and at times mischievous.
***So how did you do ladies – can you see your man (or past men) in any of these star signs?
- Everything that happens, ‘good’ and ‘bad’, is seen as a message or a gift.
- There is no negative, there is no positive, there is only information.
- Whatever occurs during Surrender is simply feedback about your future.