Confidence is the New Sexy

Written by Lesley Cornelius on 16 July 2013. Posted in Issues, Relationships, Dating & Sex

You’re an alpha female. You run your own life according to your terms. An alpha female is already a pretty confident woman. You’re independent and do what it takes to get what you want out of life. You’re hardworking and motivated and you won’t stop until you’re successful and happy. You have confidence, and that will take you places in your life, your love and your career. This is a very sexy thing. One of the most common areas where some women feel they need a confidence boost is in the bedroom. Sexual confidence is your most important tool to boost your sex life and maximize your sexual pleasure. Here’s why you need it and how you can get it.

There’s a big misconception that confidence is easily mistaken for selfishness. Don’t let that worry bring you down. It should not limit you from being your true, confident self. In reality, it’s not hard to pick out who is actually selfish and who is actually confident. If you’re not a selfish person you won’t come across that way.

• The difference between confidence and selfishness is how you treat and interact with other people. 

Confidence is self-esteem. It’s important for you to love yourself before you can love other people the way they deserve to be loved. Confidence means that you are happy enough with yourself to be able to put others first. Being selfish is worrying about only yourself and doing whatever you need to ensure your own happiness, even if it’s at someone else’s extent.

• Confident women are sexy women. 

Women who are confident know what they want and aren’t afraid to get it. Men are attracted to confident women because they are successful and aren’t afraid to be themselves. Women who need to be reassured all the time can turn men off. This also goes for clingy women who don’t have their own life. Confident women are also happy women, and both sexes are attracted to happiness. No one wants to be with someone who’s miserable all the time. A lot of men like women who will take charge in the bedroom. You don’t have to go and be a dominatrix, but you don’t have to sit back and let him do all of the work either. If there’s something you want to do during sex, go for it! If there’s something your partner is not doing, don’t be afraid to tell your partner what you like! It’s also important that you make sure you let him know when he’s doing it right. The more you reassure him, the more he’ll continue that really awesome move you love so much.

• Your partner is just as intimidated as you are. 

Sex is intimidating for both participants. Being naked can lead to paranoia, and it becomes easy to worry about whether you look fat instead of enjoying the moment. This can hinder your sexual experience and cause you to have difficulty reaching climax. It can also prevent you from trying something new, like that move you saw in a magazine and wanted to try. Here’s the thing…men are intimidated too! They worry about things like their penis size, how they look and if they’re doing a good job. That’s right! Men do worry about whether they’re making you feel good! To top that off, most men aren’t even focusing on those body parts you’re worried about. A friend of mine once told me that as long as your boobs and butt are on display, men aren’t even looking at your stomach! They’re too distracted by those more exciting naughty parts. The more confident you are, the less intimidating sex will be for you.

• A big part of a woman’s sexual pleasure is mental.

The key to bedroom confidence is focusing on pleasure. Once you stop worrying about how you look, you can focus on what you’re feeling. How you feel about your body is directly linked to your ability to orgasm. The more confident you are, the more likely you will climax. Eighty percent of women can’t orgasm from intercourse alone, and 30 percent can’t reach orgasm from any type of sexual activity. This means it’s hard for women to climax in the first place, without the added worries of how good you look. Focus is the key to a woman’s orgasm. Up to 90 percent of a woman’s orgasm is mental. You have to be in the right mindset to achieve sexual bliss. If your mind is wandering and thinking about everything but the pleasure you’re feeling and how turned on you are, you won’t be focused enough to climax. So stop worrying about what happened at work today or if he can see your cellulite and live in the moment.

So now you know why confidence is sexy. You might still be wondering what you can do to increase your confidence and give off that cool, sexy, confident vibe in the bedroom. Sexual confidence can exist in two forms: mental and physical.

• Positive thinking is the key to sexual confidence. 

Worrying about all your flaws and faults is going to get you nowhere, especially if there are things that you can’t fix. You have to concentrate on your assets instead and find ways to showcase them. Maybe you’re a bit flat chested but you’ve got a fantastic booty. Try a position where he gets a nice view of your butt, like doggy style or reverse cowgirl. If you’re the opposite and have a great upper body but a not-so-fabulous bottom, do girl on top and missionary. Doing sex positions that showcase your best assets will give you a confidence boost and stop you from worrying about what part of you is jiggling.

• Exerting sexual confidence is all about body language. 

Making eye contact during sex can be a very powerful thing. If you’re one of those people who have a problem with eye contact, try to look at the bridge of your partner’s nose. Confident body language during sex can be anything that shows you’re feeling good. It can be anything from digging your nails into his back, to kissing his neck, to making noises. This is where you can do whatever comes naturally to you, and I assure you that he won’t judge you. This is where what I call the “circle of sexual pleasure” comes in. Most men are turned on by their ability to sexually satisfy their partner so the more pleasure you show the more pleasure he will get, which in turn means more pleasure for you. So it moves in a big circle and comes back to you. In simple terms, show pleasure and you’ll get more pleasure.

Confidence is sexy and attractive. When you get in the bedroom, own it and don’t be shy. You will increase your pleasure once you let go of everything holding you back. So stop worrying and enjoy the ride…literally!

Lesley Cornelius

Lesley Cornelius lives in St. Catharines, Ontario, Canada. She is a graduate from Wilfrid Laurier University, with a double major in journalism and history. She writes for both publications at Goddess Connections, “Women Who Run It” and “How to Put the Fun Back Into Dating,” and is an expert on dating and relationships, health, fitness, and nutrition. Lesley writes novels in her spare time and hopes to one day become a successful author, writer, and journalist. For now, she enjoys exploring her interests, playing and watching ice hockey and living every day to its fullest potential. You can contact her at lesley.cornelius6@gmail.com.