Author Archive
Fiona Fine
Fiona Fine is an Author, Speaker and the Editor-In-Chief of “Women Who Run It: Your Life – Your Love – Your Terms”, an in-box magazine that advocates for and empowers strong successful women around the world; women who are used to running the show at a high level and know how tough and often isolated it can be as a top professional juggling career, relationships, family, health & fitness, and community, while still finding personal time.
After a long, unfulfilling and unsatisfying relationship and years in the traditional male world of engineering, IT and corporate recruiting, she decided to put the pleasure back into her existence and to start living life more on her own terms. Now she advocates for women (like her) who wonder how to keep it all from unravelling but still have a harmonized life of love, work, passion and …fun!
She is the founder of Goddess Connections (Where Women Create Their Footprint in the World). She is also growing a movement: “How To Put The Fun Back Into Dating” to help women who are at the end of their dating rope to reignite the excitement and fun and create amazing love lives. You can find her at www.goddessconnections.com, www.fionafine. com or on www.facebook.com/fionafine
Can a Broken Heart Kill You?
The holiday season is over, many of us may still be paying off bills, we are in the dead of winter and, love it or hate it, we are in the build-up to Valentine’s Day – complete with an abundance of pink hearts and frilly chocolate boxes. It is either the best or the worst of days depending on your point of view.
For those who are not fans of this Hallmark holiday, Valentine’s Day can be a time to feel a little bit blue and/or fed up with all the fuss. But for others it can be a major source of stress. It can add to the heartache of a broken relationship, or bring on a new wave of grief and loss. It can be lonely and stressful and even make you feel that you need to stay on the sidelines of life because you don’t have anyone ‘special’ by your side.
My question is: has anyone died from a broken heart?
We decided to investigate whether being ‘broken or lonely hearted’ could really lead to physical risk. We were shocked by what we discovered…
‘Takotsubo Syndrome’ was only first identified in Japan in 1991 and has since been commonly renamed in the western culture as “stress cardiomyopathy” or “Broken Heart Syndrome”
Broken Heart Syndrome, it turns out, is real, it’s rough, and it can be dangerous – and it seems to hit women more often than men (90% of diagnosed cases*). Even worse, when women complain of their ‘broken’ heart they are often ignored! Another ailment that is “all in our head”?
Here’s some facts: in layman’s terms, Broken Heart Syndrome (BHS) is a cardiac incident brought about by the body releasing a sudden surge of chemicals, including adrenaline, which can shock the heart muscles and cause them to stop working properly. Specifically it is the spasming of the left ventricle of the heart, causing loss of blood flow – just like a heart attack. It even presents with the same symptoms as a heart attack: chest pain, shortness of breath, arm pain, nausea, and sweating. But instead of an arterial blockage (as in a heart attack), when doctors test, they find the left ventricle misshapen to the point where it is constricting blood flow.
What can cause Broken Heart Syndrome?
- Extremely stressful incidents like the loss of a loved one, or a pet; sudden bad news; heated arguments with family; relationship breakups, divorce, or an accumulation of stresses leading to a final, triggering event.
- Physical stress such as an asthma attack or even low blood sugar.
Who is most at risk?
Although anybody can experience Broken Heart Syndrome, because it is largely stress-related, the majority of sufferers (approximately 90%) are women of menopausal age! Researchers have concluded this may be because the level of oestrogen (which helps women cope with huge stresses), is significantly lowered in menopause. A lessened ability to cope with stress plus the inevitable stresses of mid-life (divorce, parental death, etc) create the perfect circumstances for Broken Heart Syndrome.
Can it be fatal?
Yes – actually it can be. While some patients can be absolutely fine within days of an incident, there is a possibility that the heart muscle can be so constricted that it can no longer pump blood to the body fast enough, causing heart failure. So theoretically and physiologically, yes, we can die of a broken heart. However, most people do survive broken heart syndrome, just like they survive a broken heart.
What can you do to avoid BHS**?
- Talk to your doctor if you have been undergoing emotional stress, trauma, or grief – in fact, talk to anyone!
- Express your emotions. Don’t hold it all in. This allows your body to respond better to stress.
- Only you can set the time limit on your grief: whether it’s for the death of a loved one, or the death of a relationship, do not let others set the agenda or timeframe for your grieving. Be proactive to figure out ways or mechanisms to alleviate your pain or grief.
- See your doctor regularly and make sure you report any new aches and pains so they are up-to-date on your medical history.
- Keep yourself fit, eat well, and get into a regular routine of sleep.
- If you do not feel up for it, then limit your exposure to the holidays and social gatherings that upset you. Be true to yourself and what you feel you can handle.
- Make sure you do something that is good for your body and soul – go for walks, take bubble baths, listen to music. Participating in something enjoyable will lessen the stress on your body. As you feel broken hearted, remind yourself of what you are grateful for.
- if you feel broken hearted, still try to hang out with friends that empathize with what you are going through and who gently encourage you to live life to your fullest definition. The cliche is true that in many cases “time heals” a broken heart.
Although Broken Heart Syndrome is a very real medical condition, in many ways our ability to avoid it is up to us. Large-scale stress happens in life. As we age, we realize that it is unavoidable. In the end, our ability to cope with it and not have it trigger or contribute to major health problems, relies on our ability to handle the smaller daily stresses that we encounter all the time. In essence, the more time we spend loving in our daily lives, the less chance we will ever die of a broken heart!
*http://www.webmd.com/heart/
TIPS FROM TOP WOMEN CEOs ON TRYING TO BALANCE WORK AND FAMILY
Balance is something that we, as women, are constantly struggling to achieve, and the truth is that few of us ever do. Personally, I don’t even use the word ‘balance’ anymore, because it is just too time-consuming a struggle, and I seek ‘harmony’ instead. In today’s world, where the majority of women are now working outside of the home, and climbing higher in the corporate world than ever before, it is important for women to share how they manage to strive for it all, to reveal what works and what doesn’t so that we can all benefit and learn from each other’s struggles and triumphs Here are some tips from some top women execs in North America (1):- Don’t give up that precious time you have with your young child(ren). Go to the swimming lessons and music groups because you will never get that time back. Focusing on your business or career will be easier once your children are slightly older.
- Accept that there will be days when you will not be a great mom – and other days when you will not be a great boss.
- Keep life simple: shorten your commute, live close to work, schools, and daycare.
- Don’t say ‘no’ to help – ever! Hire a nanny, recruit grandparents, and accept carpool offers for your kids. Outsource household jobs that do not have an impact on your kids, like laundry and housecleaning.
- Put away your phone, turn off your computer, and refuse emails when you are home with your family. If you must, there will always be time to sneak a peek after they have gone to bed or gone to their rooms.
- Be clear at work that you need to leave at a reasonable time but while you are at work, stay focused on the task at hand.
- Make sure your children know what you do for a living and that you love your job. They are less likely to see your work as a threat to their time with you.
- Never be afraid to let your employers or clients see that you are a real person with a life outside of work. They will be more understanding of the times you need flexibility in your schedule.
- Ideally, be present with your family for the important stuff, like homework time, or school drop-off or sporting events. Try not to miss recitals or other school and recreational events that help to define your children and their relationship with you. My vote though – just do your best! Guilt is a wasted emotion – let it go as quickly as possible. Society doesn’t owe you anything and you make your own rules. My own personal rule: I am constantly striving for harmony as balance is too tippy for me.
“On The Women to Watch List”:
Jessica Herrin: CEO and Founder – Stella & Dot- had two kids while founding the company
- still took time to do swim lesson and infant classes with her kids
- didn’t focus on how quickly the company was growing, focused on her kids
- has no regrets
- was running a factory when her child was a newborn
- felt constant guilt about not being with clients enough and then guilt about taking work home
- felt guilt over not working out and looking like a supermodel
- “There are days when I’m an awesome CTO but perhaps I’m not the best mom that day and other days I would leave work early to be at my sons graduation or recital… because that’s important.”
- planned her life so there is an 8 block radius between her daughter’s school, her home, and her work
- achieves balance by having great nanny and grandparents nearby
- puts her phone and computer away when she gets home except in case of emergencies
- when she is at work, her focus is on work
- enjoys every minute with her daughter
- tells her team there are no emails between 6 and 9pm
- leaves work at a reasonable time
- outsources what your kids won’t notice, like laundry.
- is there to walk them to school and help with homework
- rolls the kids into work and work into the kids
- makes sure her kids understood what she did from an early age
- takes kids on work trips and lets them meet clients and see the world with her
- her kids see her work as an amazing opportunity and benefit and not as something that pulls their mom away
- lets her clients know she is a real person who has a life and family outside work so that they will understand that sometimes she has to leave
How To Find the Right Man for Bliss in the Bedroom
We know, we know, we can practically see you rolling your eyes! Another article on finding Mr. Right to go along with the thousands already out there. We feel your pain. But, we here at Women Who Run It: Your Life – Your Love – Your Terms! promised to bring you the information you need with no B.S., no fluff, and no fillers, and we plan on keeping good on that promise! I recently spent an enlightening hour speaking with David Shade, who is known as The Renegade Sex Expert (he came referred by one of my guy friends). David is the bestselling author of The Secrets of Female Sexuality and I was dying to hear what he had to say about how an ‘alpha’ woman who runs it all during the day can find a Masterful Lover™ for ultimate sexual fulfillment at night! One reason why so many women are not finding sexual fulfillment, David believes, is that as women who run it all during the day, taking on the world, and maintaining control, we really need to be ‘submissive’; to give up, let go, to feel deep pleasure in the bedroom. Sex is a mental playground for us women, and in order to achieve the release of an orgasm, to be cherished and adored, and to not be in charge (even for a little while), we have to learn to just let go and let the man lead us and take charge of our pleasure. Now, I know that is tough for most of us! [I personally had trouble getting my head around the idea that I have to submit to a man until I reframed it to surrendering into my own pleasure.] But how do you find a man that can lead us to full-on bliss in the bedroom? David says to think of it like hiring good employees and empowering them. Find a really great guy, one who is not intimidated, one who is turned on by the power and control you maintain during the day, and then let him do what he is good at – pleasuring you! Here is where you need to put some detective skills to work on finding that man:- Men learn to be men from their fathers, so you must find a man whose father was a good role model, whom he respects and who respects and treats his own wife well (ie. your beau’s mother).
- Men learn how to have healthy relationships with women from their mothers. You need to look for a man who has a good, healthy, functional relationship with his mother.
- Third, you need to find out if he is going to be willing to take the lead in the bedroom with your pleasure foremost in his mind. BEFORE you hit the bedroom or even third base, pose some hypothetical questions to him about sexuality and see how he responds. What will he do when you tell him you ‘like to get a little bit naughty’? Is he responsive or have you scared him away? Men inadvertently tell us EVERYTHING we need to know in the very very early days of dating – if we pay attention!!
- Once you feel like you have a potential “masterful lover’ on the hook, let him know that you want to let go in the bedroom – to not be in charge all the time. Does he take charge? Is he up for the task?
- Relax and let him take charge
- Stay away from the self-defeating language
- Do not get caught up in the societal misconception that a man just wants to ‘get off.’ A truly enlightened man wants to take responsibility for your pleasure and in turn that brings him immense pleasure as well.
Get Noticed, Get In & Get Money for College. An Interview with Jean Keller
College admissions and financial aid expert Jean Keller, provides answers and wisdom on how to get your child into colleges that he or she loves while saving a fortune on the college or university bill! Listen Here:How To Soothe His Ego While Holding onto Your Purse Strings
Ah, the holidays. Shopping, gift-giving, parties, cocktails, family get-togethers. All of that fun and frolic doesn’t come cheaply and this time of year can be a bit of a drain on the wallet. Luckily, you’ve worked hard to get to where you are in your career. Now you have the extra money to treat those special people in your life and have a little fun while you’re at it. But is this causing friction between you and your man? We asked Jennifer Stokes, bestselling author of Imagine Finding the G spot (oooh – where did your mind go to??) for advice on what an ‘alpha girl’ is to do when the number of zeroes on her paycheque outnumber that of her man. In the interview with our Editor-In-Chief, Fiona Fine, Jennifer explains to us how to negotiate this tricky situation. “There is nothing more demasculinizing to a man than you making more money than him. It is like taking his balls and putting them in your briefcase and going to work with them.” Dramatic? Maybe a bit, but men themselves are often at a loss as to why they feel this way. They love strong women who are bold, confident and sassy, but at the same time, they do not like to be made to feel that you as that woman, can get along without them financially or otherwise. So, here are some tips for all of you strong, successful, super-achieving women out there on how to stroke his ego and smooth any ruffled feathers:- Find that one thing he is really good at and where you may not excel. Play it up. Is he a great cook? Is he super handy? Even if you’re no slouch in those areas yourself, make him feel invaluable. Gush a little and downplay your abilities just this once. You’ll be glad you did as he will want to prove himself even more.
- Remember what it was like when you struggled with money yourself. Most of us have been there. Think of how you wanted to be treated when it was you and apply this to your man.
- If he is the more responsible one in terms of paying bills on time and looking after the finances, let him. There is usually one ‘banker’ in any couple and if you know it’s not a skill you possess, there is no reason why he can’t look after your joint account, even though he is not the primary earner in the relationship. Note though, the bills must be paid from a joint account that you can access at any time, and you MUST still look at them so that you will always know what is going on. Sticking your head in the sand just to appease the situation won’t work well if it blows up.
“You can’t change the past but you can start paying the attention for the future.”
Of course, there is a chance that no amount of ego stroking on your part is going to help the situation. Nobody goes into a relationship expecting divorce but if the worst happens, it is important to know exactly where your finances stand. Jenn Stokes maintains that joint accounts should exist for paying the household bills such as mortgage, cars, and utilities, but that women must have a separate savings account called an ‘imagine account’ where they can put their investments, as well as a credit card in their name alone. This is the emergency fund, the mad money, even potentially ‘the getting through a divorce’ money. One last piece of advice if you are faced with some stressful times? Know your banker. Ignorance is not an excuse when it comes to your money. In the case of a potential split you need to know exactly what is happening in all of your joint accounts and to make sure bills are still being paid. You may need to freeze accounts or credit cards or lines of credit. Having a relationship with the bank and a knowledge of all your accounts will save some potentially big problems down the road if a disaster happens. In the end, it’s all about control and knowledge, something that every ‘woman who runs it‘ should understand. You are making your own money, and even if you think he needs a little ego stroking, it does not mean you should ever give up controlling your own finances. To get where you are in life, you have worked long and hard, so even if you have to play it down around your lesser-earning man, take pride in your achievements and find a way live it up this holiday season and celebrate your accomplishments.Be the Hostess with the Most-est This Holiday Season! An Interview with Cocktail Deeva, Dee Brun
We have a perfectly timed treat for all of our subscribers. Fiona has a chat with The Cocktail Deeva, Dee Brun, who is going to dish on bubbly, budget, and how to set the tone for the perfect holiday party. She is going to give us all of her top tips on making sure your holiday party is not only the party of the season, but is sure to show you off as the fabulous, gracious hostess that you are. Listen in while she and Fiona talk about the hottest drinks of the season, the appeal of the ‘Mullet’ party, and how to keep your cool whether its a party for 4 or 40 of your nearest and dearest. Listen here:WHAT SHOULD BE AT THE TOP OF YOUR WISH LIST…
Are you the holiday planner in your household? The hostess with the most-est? Head chef, personal shopper, and queen of witty cocktail party banter? We ladies seem to be everything to everybody at this time of year but the stress of keeping it all together can drain our energy and take a toll on our health, making us feel significantly less than sexy. Of course, the downside to misplacing your sexual mojo is that there is nothing quite like a good old fashioned orgasm to improve your health, reduce your stress, make you feel absolutely amazing, and kick your attitude back up to rockin’ levels. Yep, we are going to go there. We are talking about orgasms. Orgasms not only feel great, but they release endorphins (aka the happy hormones) into your system, lowering blood pressure, and even helping you sleep (something that is often in short supply for women!). But what’s a woman to do if you’re between partners, your dance card is empty, or your partner is even busier than you are at this time of year? Sounds like its time to go shopping… for a vibrator! Trust us, it’s the gift that just keeps on giving (and it can be put in a drawer and ignored without questions whenever you want) . Need some convincing? Here is some straight talk about S-E-X:- Vibrators have come a long way! Many are designed by woman-owned companies who actually put some thought into creating products that work for women’s bodies. Some are so ‘cute’ and discreet no one would ever know what it was.
- If you are like 70% of women (that is 7 out of 10 of us!), you may have a difficult time orgasming from penetration alone. A vibrator is not only great for solo play – most guys like them too. No man wants to see his partner unhappy or unfulfilled in the bedroom and you can bet he will be willing and maybe even thrilled to try out a toy that will get you where you need to go!
- Some women can be shy or inexperienced with self-stimulation. Why not see what a vibrator can do for you. It was a lifesaver for me after my divorce and even now with a full dating card, it is a constant companion for me.
The Company HO HO HOliday Party: How to Stay Off the Naughty List
Ah yes, the holiday party. For some, its one of the perks of the job, for others, about as painful as a root canal. No matter what your feelings about this once-a-year shindig schedule, we have the scoop to help you navigate these holiday minefields with grace, poise, and dignity; you may even come out of them one step ahead up the career ladder! Here are some of the essential Dos and Don’ts of the annual office Christmas Party that will determine whether you come out of it all on Santa’s naughty or nice list: THE NICE LIST (ie. the ‘DOs’)- If there is a scheduled office party… go! Respect that your employer has invested time, money, and energy in hosting this gathering. It can provide you with good exposure, networking opportunities, and visibility if you attend.
- Arrive on time or, better yet, 10 minutes early. The least stressful time to make yourself known to your senior staff is before festivities get in full swing. Remember these folks make the key decisions about your future. Be smart and don’t monopolize them. Maturity is the watchword. Also, early on is when the big brass make some decisions on whom they will potentially socialize with later on during the party.
- Remember that everyone is a subordinate to someone at an office gathering. The reality is that this is a business gathering. Someone is always watching you and noticing your behaviour.
- Do go out of your way to meet new people but don’t talk straight business. This is a chance for you to grow your network, to meet people you may not always work with, and to find out about peoples lives and interests outside of work.
- Keep a level-headed approach. Look at the party as an opportunity to develop and increase socio-office networks to further streamline and improve workplace relations across all levels of the organization.
- Consider the company newsletter. Be totally aware of ALL pictures being taken. We cannot emphasize this point enough: you don’t want to be captured in a compromised position, be munching on a chicken wings, doing the lowest of the limbos, or have two cocktail glasses in your hand. Be aware, because those pics WILL live long after the company newsletter meets the web. Keep your head up and prepare for a calm and collected pose.
- Remember that the holiday party event can often be a toss-up of who will prove to be the biggest jackass this year. Don’t let it be you!
- DO NOT OVERINDULGE! This may seem like a no-brainer, and yet there are enough pictures floating around the internet the prove that every year, people do not heed this warning. Overdoing it with the alcohol can make you the subject of office gossip, the target or ridicule, and, yes, can even lead to your termination from your job. Alcohol loosens sexual inhibitions and can lead to inappropriate sexual interactions that can get you in A LOT of trouble.
- PLEASE leave the kooky reindeer sweater with the blinking nose or the Santa Baby outfit at home. It will be remembered, but most likely not in a good way.
- Don’t avoid other holiday parties. Your spouse, significant other, or friend may need an escort. Use that opportunity to network as well (just remember that your behavior reflects on your date!)
- This is not the place for flirting! Never troll for affection at the company event—it erodes reputation, can damage your work relationships, and hurt your career. If you need two words to cool your jets, consider these: sexual harassment.
- Holiday party hook-ups are NEVER a good idea. Too much fun, too much booze, too much skin, and too many loose tongues can leave you the next day with a hangover, a tarnished reputation, and possibly even a job on the line. You don’t want to become fodder for office gossip (made worse if you’ve temporarily forgotten you’re married), so if you’re crushing on somebody, don’t use the holiday party as your excuse to make a move. The function is, at its core, a business gathering. Hook up with your desired hottie another time.
Women: Take Charge of Your Finances! A Fiona Fine Interview
Being a busy woman on the move is no excuse not to look after your hard-earned cash and what better time to make a plan than the start of the new year, so listen in to this entertaining interview between Jenn Stokes and Fiona Fine where they discuss money – money – money! Jenn Stokes is a best selling author, motivational speaker & media personality. For over a decade she has worked first hand on teaching the key principles to Financial Freedom. As a speaker, she has an incredible flair to turning complicated and boring into simple and entertaining! She has written her first book Imagine Finding the G Spot, a sassy, sensible, entertaining approach to finance was launched last year. And now, she’s here to share her wisdom on wealth management with our women! In this exclusive interview, find out:- How to keep ‘budget’ from becoming a four letter word
- How to manage your man when you’re making more money than him
- How to take control of your finances once and for all!
Inspiration for Women: Desk to Dinner – The Art of a 16 Hour Wardrobe
In the ‘80s, I was in full-time ‘corporate mode’. I didn’t even consider wearing clothes that would let me transition easily from work to evening. I didn’t think once about including more “feminine” pieces in my wardrobe. It was suit, pantyhose, belt, high heels, briefcase. IBM set the dress code: that’s what we wore. Period. It took me over 8 years to even try to wear a camisole that might show through my blouse. The thing is, you’re not a man and your clothes are one of your most powerful attributes in creating the juice, the power, the sassiness, and yes, the success you desire! Men’s fashions are much more constrained than those for us women. Our clothes really can help define us. You don’t have to wear the “uniform” that society created. You’re a force to be reckoned with—a woman who’s smart as a whip, focused, and successful. You’re used to super-achieving in almost anything and everything you want to do. You are someone who KNOWS how to make things happen. And you wouldn’t be here today if you didn’t know how to make it in a man’s world. So …. Be authentic! Show up! Be all the woman you are! There is ALWAYS a way to create a great wardrobe that allows you to shine. I am going to show you how to add some sass and sensuality and confidence to your wardrobe and allow you to maximize the advantage of being a woman. I am going to help you take your wardrobe from the desk to dinner. The truth: Most of us in our late 30’s through 50’s are in pretty much the same shape. Our bodies are not as quite as tight and perfect and 22 anymore. There are saggy bits, wrinkly bits, and even sunspots sprouting up. Our kind of bodies won’t fit in tight revealing clothes made for a size 0 with less than 15% body fat. But that doesn’t mean you have to hide your body in a ‘burlap sack’ or ‘dumpy duds’. If the whole wardrobe makeover is a bit overwhelming, here’s what you want to do: 1. Get a personal shopper Get your butt out of the computer chair and into a clothing store; the right, higher end clothes store, like a Nordstrom, Macy, or Holt Renfrew, to name a few. Start asking about personal shoppers and start talking to them. These people have the information that you need! Ask for a quick consultation before you decide to actually engage a Personal Shopper. Bring some of your staple pieces with you, walk into a store, and get an opinion. That helps you decide who you want as a personal shopper and if they can work with you. You want to look and feel great in the outfits that they select. Tell her (or him):- I’d like to add some bold/eye catching pieces to my wardrobe
- I’d like some ‘swishy’, soft and/or textured pieces
- I’d like some great accent pieces (eg. shoes, purse/bag)
- I’d like some tops or blouses that I can wear after work so that if I wear a daytime jacket and take it off, then I have a different look – one that accentuates some womanly attributes.
- I’d like accessories (scarves, gloves, a hat, etc.)
- Wear colour(s)
- Wear skirts and dresses ideally not pants
- Wear soft, feminine fabrics that accentuate your assets
- Wear heels (or a great pair of heeled boots)
- Invest in some statement pieces like fabulous heels or a sparkly blouse
- Incorporate ONE sparkly, bold, textured, or bright detail into your outfit.
- Accessorize!
- Layer your clothing.