START OVER SMART: HOW TO RAISE YOUR ROMANCE VALUE
Are you recently divorced and dreading the thought of dating again? Are you feeling anxious about knowing what the new rules of dating are? Are you clueless as to where to meet men? Have you forgotten how to feel sexy? Do you look in the mirror and hate what you see? These are just some of the thoughts that raced through my head when I got divorced. I even felt angry for being put in a position where I needed to “reinvent” myself…why the heck for! I was great with who I was (or so I thought). It all seemed like such hard work…more work to add on my already plentiful plate. How do I start dating again? Well I’m here to tell you that it doesn’t have to be hard work. It doesn’t have to take much preparation or strategizing. It WILL take you being open to using your body as a way to capture men’s attention…and NOT the way you’re thinking. Oh and I do mean…several men! When you learn how to make slight alterations to your body language in order to have a more sensual, confident and feminine look, you’ll become more visible to men. And with this alluring energy, you’ll be able to attract men at any time of day and in any scenario. It’ll be like a volume button that you’ll be able to turn up or down depending on how you feel. This is why you need to master the art of first impressions. 60% of communication is done through the non-verbal. How you use your body language let’s people know how you feel about yourself. So you need to learn the techniques that will give you quick and easy access to emanate your confidence within seconds because you never know when a quality man will show up. The reality of first impressions is…we all make judgments based on little or no information about someone. Our unconscious mind is picking up on subtle cues and giving you feedback. Studies have shown that men are attracted to 5 specific things when it comes to being with a woman.- Looks: This doesn’t mean you have to look like a model but it does mean you need to be aware of how you dress and put yourself together in a way that enhances your assets.
- Sexual ‘Openness;: This doesn’t mean you need to be a porn star. It means you need to exude feminine essence and sensuality.
- Fun and Adventure: Real life is boring and men want to know that you can be playful and spontaneous.
- Nurturance: Men need to know that you care. They can feel your heart.
- Youthfulness: A woman that is passionate about life and allows herself to be silly and at times mischievous.
How to Handle a Man of any Zodiac Sign
Aries: (March 21-April 19) : Fire sign. Thunder and lighting; he’s a fierce lover and an initiator! Aries lover is a romantic and a child at heart but he likes to be kept on his toes. Aries hates possessiveness, so make sure to give him his space. He is a “macho” man, assertive partner, and dominant (hmm, he may desire you to surrender yourself completely if you want to be in his good grace). Taurus (April 20-May 20): Earth sign. Steady, materialistic, and ambitious. Taurus is attracted to beauty, sensuality, and good food. Taurus likes curvy and voluptuous women; his hands will be all over your rear end as soon he gets a green light. Explicit sex is his speciality! Gemini (May 21-June 20): Air sign. Adventurous, likes to try new things in and out of the bedroom and his mind runs his show. A Gemini lover is a 24/7 experience. You have to be intriguing, and potentially offer to try racy sex games to keep him interested…! Cancer (June 21-July 22): Water sign. Overly emotional, homebody; ‘forget-me-not’ kind of guy. He will love you and cherish you as long you give him some much-needed nurturing. He is the original breast man… so enjoy, ladies. Leo (July 23-August 22): Fire sign. Lover, sex magnet, sex machine, flamboyant, and the list goes on. If you get involved with Leo, you better know how to boost his ego. Leo will give you every pleasure imaginable but you need to know how to keep his fire burning! Virgo (August 23-September 22): Earth sign. Hard working, organized, and overly reasonable sign. If you get involved with a Virgo man, you better listen to his advice because he likes to feel needed and in control. Of course as the sassy, sexy ‘alpha’ you are, you can always advise him back about how to put more fun into his love life! Give him an “erotic math” class by teaching him how to add and subtract his hidden desires and get him more involved with expressing his sexual needs. Libra (September 23-October 22): Air sign. Beauty lover, fond of socializing, fetish for beauty, numerous lovers, flirtatious, exuberant. Be aware that a Libra man will often show you that he is interested in you, but the moment you are overly available, his attentiveness might disintegrate into thin air. If he is seriously interested in you, you had better be prepared, because Libra men know all about partnership, Scorpio (October 23-November 21): Water sign. God of the underworld, and kinky sex. Intensity is his middle name: watch out for possessiveness, jealousy, vindictiveness. You had better be ready for a rollercoaster ride with this one. If you think he will not sting you and give you his deadly poison, you have another thing coming. Scorpio man will own you and consume you, but if you truly want to be with him do not resist, because he will find the way to appease you. Sagittarius (November 22-December 21): Fire sign. Lover, Casanova, untamed spirit, not often husband material… A Sagittarius man might lean towards clandestine affairs. He will wine you, dine you, love you and … potentially leave you (because that is what he does). a Sagittarius man will give you sexual pleasure, make you feel special and beautiful, but he has a tendency to want to move on to greener pastures. Enjoy him while it lasts! Capricorn (December 22-January 19): Earth sign. Calculative, ambitious, controlling, demanding, sensual, dominant. If you get involved with a Capricorn man, you might have to learn to satisfy his needs. He is always in conflict with himself, he loves money, and he loves his pleasures.To be involved with Capricorn man you have to surrender yourself to the relationship entirely. Leather and lace would be good way to spice up the relationship. Hmmm – 50 Shades of Grey anyone? Aquarius (January 20—February 18): Air sign. Generous, emotionally detached, cosmopolitan, hyper, hot and cold behaviour. Aquarius man will love you, make your fantasies come alive, and charm you with his intelligence and inventiveness. Anything new age is of interest to him, and that includes experimenting with new sex toys and trying something with a kick. Be careful, he may be too much to handle. Pisces (February 19-March 20): Water sign. Emotional, needy (!), loves to overindulge in everything. Man Pisces is someone you would love to introduce to your parents. He is on the constant quest for love and a satisfying relationship. He is intuitive, in touch with his emotions, romantic and enjoys ‘intimate moments under the moonlight’. He is not an intensity driven ‘sex machine’, rather a “soft touch massage me all night” kind of guy! Don’t forget he loves to over-indulge in his food and YOU!***
So how did you do ladies – can you see your man (or past men) in any of these star signs?How To Soothe His Ego While Holding onto Your Purse Strings
Ah, the holidays. Shopping, gift-giving, parties, cocktails, family get-togethers. All of that fun and frolic doesn’t come cheaply and this time of year can be a bit of a drain on the wallet. Luckily, you’ve worked hard to get to where you are in your career. Now you have the extra money to treat those special people in your life and have a little fun while you’re at it. But is this causing friction between you and your man? We asked Jennifer Stokes, bestselling author of Imagine Finding the G spot (oooh – where did your mind go to??) for advice on what an ‘alpha girl’ is to do when the number of zeroes on her paycheque outnumber that of her man. In the interview with our Editor-In-Chief, Fiona Fine, Jennifer explains to us how to negotiate this tricky situation. “There is nothing more demasculinizing to a man than you making more money than him. It is like taking his balls and putting them in your briefcase and going to work with them.” Dramatic? Maybe a bit, but men themselves are often at a loss as to why they feel this way. They love strong women who are bold, confident and sassy, but at the same time, they do not like to be made to feel that you as that woman, can get along without them financially or otherwise. So, here are some tips for all of you strong, successful, super-achieving women out there on how to stroke his ego and smooth any ruffled feathers:- Find that one thing he is really good at and where you may not excel. Play it up. Is he a great cook? Is he super handy? Even if you’re no slouch in those areas yourself, make him feel invaluable. Gush a little and downplay your abilities just this once. You’ll be glad you did as he will want to prove himself even more.
- Remember what it was like when you struggled with money yourself. Most of us have been there. Think of how you wanted to be treated when it was you and apply this to your man.
- If he is the more responsible one in terms of paying bills on time and looking after the finances, let him. There is usually one ‘banker’ in any couple and if you know it’s not a skill you possess, there is no reason why he can’t look after your joint account, even though he is not the primary earner in the relationship. Note though, the bills must be paid from a joint account that you can access at any time, and you MUST still look at them so that you will always know what is going on. Sticking your head in the sand just to appease the situation won’t work well if it blows up.
“You can’t change the past but you can start paying the attention for the future.”
Of course, there is a chance that no amount of ego stroking on your part is going to help the situation. Nobody goes into a relationship expecting divorce but if the worst happens, it is important to know exactly where your finances stand. Jenn Stokes maintains that joint accounts should exist for paying the household bills such as mortgage, cars, and utilities, but that women must have a separate savings account called an ‘imagine account’ where they can put their investments, as well as a credit card in their name alone. This is the emergency fund, the mad money, even potentially ‘the getting through a divorce’ money. One last piece of advice if you are faced with some stressful times? Know your banker. Ignorance is not an excuse when it comes to your money. In the case of a potential split you need to know exactly what is happening in all of your joint accounts and to make sure bills are still being paid. You may need to freeze accounts or credit cards or lines of credit. Having a relationship with the bank and a knowledge of all your accounts will save some potentially big problems down the road if a disaster happens. In the end, it’s all about control and knowledge, something that every ‘woman who runs it‘ should understand. You are making your own money, and even if you think he needs a little ego stroking, it does not mean you should ever give up controlling your own finances. To get where you are in life, you have worked long and hard, so even if you have to play it down around your lesser-earning man, take pride in your achievements and find a way live it up this holiday season and celebrate your accomplishments.The Forgotten Women of the Military
WHEN THE TOUGH GET GOING, THE TOUGHER RUN THE FORT AT HOME!
It’s Women Who Run It – Military Style!
Yesterday was Remembrance (Canada) /Veterans Day (USA), and for many in these countries, we took a moment of silence to commemorate the men and women who keep us safe. Today, we wanted to feature some of the unsung heroes of the forces: military spouses. We were lucky enough to speak to four ‘super-women’ whose husbands have been in the military between 13 – 23 years and who are left to run it all while their men are gone for months at a time. We wanted to give them a voice as we can always learn so much from our sister ‘women who run it’. Here is what four strong, opinionated and resourceful Canadian military wives share about coping with long distance relationships, loneliness, communication, careers, kids and running it all: 1. “Hard truth: We are all mistresses with wedding bands on our fingers. Prepare to be alone. He is married to the military; ” Separation is never easy but wives of military men deal with deployments for months at a time, taking care of everything from finances, to childcare, to household repairs and snow shovelling. Although they all admit that it can be exhausting, they have come to rely on neighbours, family, and friends to help make it work. Asking for help when you just can’t do it yourself is a difficult thing to do for a strong, independent woman, but it is something that all of these wives have learned is important in coping and thriving. The other truth is that military families can also move around a tremendous amount which adds to the stress on relationships with family and friends who are left behind. One woman admits, “Intimacy can become collateral damage of friendship. I can only share so much online or through email and phone calls. It’s not the same as sitting in your kitchen sharing over a cup of coffee or a glass of wine.” 2. “Making connections with other women in similar circumstances is key.” Nobody is going to understand the life of a ‘military wife’ more than another military wife. The connections these women make are critical to helping them cope. It means putting yourself out there with every new location, learning to meet new neighbours, joining new support groups, putting trust in people you have just met. These women simply don’t have the option to be wall flowers and have to push past any reservations they have to go out there and make friends and connections in each new place they are stationed. 3. “You try to set up a schedule for communication but it doesn’t always work out.” With today’s technology where most of us rely on email, smart phones, or Skype to keep in touch, these women deal with frequent or extended lack of communication from their men. Imagine having to schedule phone calls and skype sessions, but then having to cancel for reasons that you are not even allowed to know or question. A ‘communication lockdown’ happens when troops are overseas and these wives must sit and wait, maybe never knowing what has happened. Which leads to the next point our military wives wanted to make… 4. “Do you completely trust your man?” Trust is a fundamental issue for military couples. The men are gone for long stretches, the women are at home to keep everything going. There has to be absolute trust from both sides, particularly when communication is impossible. One wife admits, “I’ve seen time and again that marriages just aren’t strong enough to get through the military lifestyle.” Hand in hand with that trust is communication. Keeping in touch is one thing, but actually learning to communicate and listen to each other is a skill that many couples lack. When your partner in life is gone for such long periods of time, life goes on at home without him and the wives need to keep a dialogue going, no matter how difficult it can be. “It’s important to talk about everything as it arises because one never know when they will be gone again or for how long. Yet you don’t want to distract them from the job as well. It’s a delicate balance.” 5. “I go where he goes. I take second chair.” Sometimes the levels of sacrifice these women make are something that very few would ever be capable of. All four of our military wives admit that demanding careers are something that are either put on hold or simply not achievable for women in their position. The frequent movement and the demands of being a single parent usually mean that priorities shift elsewhere. While one woman maintains “You can have a ‘career’, but you need to learn boundaries and have different priorities” (including part-time work or shortened hours), another believes “I don’t think it’s impossible but highly improbable for a military wife to have a career. It would take two very special people; highly driven, resilient individuals.” All four women believe that “someone has to keep the home fires burning, and be the constant for the children when your spouse is away that much. Children need stability. They need a soft place to land at the end of the day, or the end of a deployment. It takes a full time job at home to make that happen.” One of our ladies summed it up best when she said “Every hardship I felt along the way prepared me and made me the person and the woman I am today. All the years of ups and downs have gotten me to the place I am in now: confident, capable, courageous, strong. For me, I wouldn’t want to see into the future because if I had all those many years ago, I may not have wanted to take the journey, but I am sure as hell glad I did.” We at Women Who Run It would very much like to thank the four amazing women who opened up to us for this article. Through their honesty and candour, we not only learned what kind of sacrifices and concessions are made by military wives, but are reminded that strong, capable, ‘alpha’ women are in all walks of life and for that, we are grateful.Give Your Relationship the Gift of Confidence
Men are attracted to confident women.
No matter what way you look at it, a man just wants a woman who feels good about herself. He doesn’t want to spend all of his time worrying about what you’re feeling about yourself at any given time. He wants a woman who knows who she is, and knows she’s a gorgeous goddess with a ton to offer him. I have seen this countless times in my own life and in my friend’s lives. Whenever insecurities hit, the relationship starts to show cracks. As soon as jealousies arise, fights start. He wants the confident woman that he met to show up in the relationship and you, as a woman, want reassurance and love from him. He can’t and won’t want to give you that reassurance when you’re whining that your legs are too fat or you question if he still loves you. It’s important to step into the role of the confident woman that you were when you first met (that is part of what being a “goddess” is all about!) You probably haven’t gained any significant weight since you first met him and if you have; he probably hasn’t even noticed. If you think he doesn’t love you then you need to first reflect on where that insecurity is coming from. Does he actually treat you differently with tangible examples, or is it based on an insecurity and therefore all in your head? Some insecurities have their justifications but if you react every single time something pops up into your mind it’s going to start having its effects on the relationship. When the insecurities start showing up for you, there are a few things you can do to calm yourself, think rationally, and keep the drama down. 1. Breathe When something comes up for you; stop. Take a deep breath and let it out slowly. Instead of reacting to it, respond. Take a few deep breaths to calm yourself and to really take the time to allow yourself to feel the emotions you’re feeling. It’s okay to feel the emotions. Emotions are natural and come up for a reason. This doesn’t mean that every emotion needs to be expressed, but rather felt in awareness and silence in your head. Once you’ve done some breathing you’ll find that the emotion releases and even recedes and you can think more rationally upon it. 2. Reflect Is the emotion you’re feeling truly justified? Once you’ve done your breathing and have calmed down to a point where you can really reflect upon the emotion; determine if it’s something that is real or if it’s only your perception. Did he really cheat on you – or are you imagining suspicious phone calls in your head? Once you take the time to really look inside yourself for the answer you’ll then know how to respond to it. 3. Let it Go If you determine that the emotion is unjustified then you need to let it go. Hanging onto a negative emotion is toxic and will only cause you more grief. If it’s not justified then allow it leave. Exercise, dance around your living room, hug a tree, or go out into a field and scream your head off; whatever you need to do to get that emotion out of your head so that you can move forward. Once you’ve let go of the emotion you can return to your calm and centered self and things will be much improved. Obviously emotions are justified yet many emotions don’t need to be expressed in the exact moment; before you react and emote with every single emotion that pops up, try the above steps first. He will appreciate it and it will strengthen and nurture your relationship in more ways than you can imagine.Dating Advice for Women: The “Get Over It” Gene
Once upon a time…
I went on a date with a guy a couple of weeks ago who was introduced to me through a mutual friend. The date went amazingly well. We talked for hours, flirted like crazy and of course it helped that he was absolutely drop dead gorgeous, offered to take me dancing and we had a ton of things in common. By the end of the date I couldn’t believe how great it was; and when he kissed me, the butterflies in my stomach woke up from a year long hiatus.
But… Yes, you knew there was a BUT coming… (there always is when I start a story with a ‘Once upon a time…’). Even though we had fun during our date we’d also had a pretty serious conversation about what it was we were each looking for in our dating lives. He mentioned that he was recently separated and that he knew his marriage was over but it was still tough going. I mentioned that I wasn’t looking for the ‘white picket fence’ relationship and just wanted to go out on dates and have a good time. I also mentioned that I was dating another man at the same time and we both agreed that we could get along with our situations. After a five hour date and some really great kissing I told him it was time for me to go home. He asked if I was sure and (despite my body screaming at me ‘no – this is way too hot to stop’) I went home alone with promises of seeing him soon. Let’s just say I had some great dreams that night! Then the next two weeks go by. He knew he had to go on a family trip with his ex and let me know that the two weeks would be busy. I knew he was away so in the interest of no drama, I let him be: no initiating texts, no long talks on the phone, etc. I just let things go as they would. Then today I got a text from him. He said he was sorry and he was terrible at texting and thanked me for being cool about the reduced communication. In response I asked when I would see him again and that’s when I started to get the huge song and dance…excuse, prevarication, excuse…. It came down to the fact that somehow his ex had found out he had gone on a date and she wasn’t happy so he “wanted to just be friends with me” for now until things were settled so he could end it peacefully with his ex. Um…. can you say emotionally unavailable? Feeling all the roiling emotions of disappointment, anger and frustration I called up Fiona (my dating guru) for some SOS advice before I blasted him via email, text, phone or all three for being two faced and wasting my time. She listened to me rant that he was an idiot and insensitive and ‘how dare he?’ and ‘dammit, we f#cking talked about it all on the actual date’ … @#$^…. grrrr. A third of the way through the rant and emoting, she cut me off in mid rant and said “I am going to be give you some really tough love on this topic ‘coz I know you can take it.” She laid it all on the table so to speak (inter-friend-tions aren’t always pretty). Was I going to make him wrong for being emotionally not ready (and not realizing it)? Was I going to be a “typical girl” and blast him when he told the truth? ….Did I really want to be just friends with this guy or was that too much for him to ask under the circumstances? She told me to set my boundaries. I know that me just being friends with this guy won’t happen as the attraction is too strong. I would be looking at him with more than just friendship in mind and so my boundary had to be set at ‘NEXT’… Listening to her words of wisdom, we laid out a plan of attack and wording of a cool/unemotional text: “Wow, that sucks. Get back in touch if/ when it all settles down”. I left all the emotions/frustrations out of it. Even the disappointment of “Sh#t, I was really into you and I thought we were on the same page!!” And most of all, I left ALL the drama out of it! Yep, you guessed what came next… I got a text back a few minutes later, thanking me for being so cool (which of course I am!) Better yet, I knew from the plan that Fiona and I spoke about that I did not have to answer him – nor did I. He’ll call me when he’s ready – or he won’t. The faster I get over it, the better my life is! Until then, I’m not interested in dating an emotionally unavailable man (confession: but whom I’m hopelessly, sexually attracted to). A lesson I got given in all of this? Don’t let what boys do make you think all men are terrible. Don’t blame him nor the next one in your life. As Fiona said, “He didn’t do this on purpose and he honestly didn’t know what it was going to be like going on a date after 7 years of marriage”. So I cut him some slack, called it what it is and I move on to the next man. When/IF he calls, I’ll give him another chance without blaming or attacking him – if it that is what I choose to do and it works for me. Because I am learning to have the “Get Over It” gene.~~~
Note from Fiona: Men screw up a lot!. In my private practice and when I speak to men around the world their refrain is the same: “sometimes we can be inconsiderate jerks – please can you get over it if it is small stuff and not harp or remind us of it over and over”. “Your ability to “get over it” is going to make me appreciate that you are a really cool woman and that I need to always be earning your respect to deserve you – the ultimate prize”. Ladies – we need to learn to GET OVER IT more!