How To Find the Right Man for Bliss in the Bedroom
We know, we know, we can practically see you rolling your eyes! Another article on finding Mr. Right to go along with the thousands already out there. We feel your pain. But, we here at Women Who Run It: Your Life – Your Love – Your Terms! promised to bring you the information you need with no B.S., no fluff, and no fillers, and we plan on keeping good on that promise!
I recently spent an enlightening hour speaking with David Shade, who is known as The Renegade Sex Expert (he came referred by one of my guy friends). David is the bestselling author of The Secrets of Female Sexuality and I was dying to hear what he had to say about how an ‘alpha’ woman who runs it all during the day can find a Masterful Lover™ for ultimate sexual fulfillment at night!
One reason why so many women are not finding sexual fulfillment, David believes, is that as women who run it all during the day, taking on the world, and maintaining control, we really need to be ‘submissive’; to give up, let go, to feel deep pleasure in the bedroom. Sex is a mental playground for us women, and in order to achieve the release of an orgasm, to be cherished and adored, and to not be in charge (even for a little while), we have to learn to just let go and let the man lead us and take charge of our pleasure. Now, I know that is tough for most of us! [I personally had trouble getting my head around the idea that I have to submit to a man until I reframed it to surrendering into my own pleasure.]
But how do you find a man that can lead us to full-on bliss in the bedroom?
David says to think of it like hiring good employees and empowering them. Find a really great guy, one who is not intimidated, one who is turned on by the power and control you maintain during the day, and then let him do what he is good at – pleasuring you!
Here is where you need to put some detective skills to work on finding that man:
- Men learn to be men from their fathers, so you must find a man whose father was a good role model, whom he respects and who respects and treats his own wife well (ie. your beau’s mother).
- Men learn how to have healthy relationships with women from their mothers. You need to look for a man who has a good, healthy, functional relationship with his mother.
- Third, you need to find out if he is going to be willing to take the lead in the bedroom with your pleasure foremost in his mind. BEFORE you hit the bedroom or even third base, pose some hypothetical questions to him about sexuality and see how he responds. What will he do when you tell him you ‘like to get a little bit naughty’? Is he responsive or have you scared him away? Men inadvertently tell us EVERYTHING we need to know in the very very early days of dating – if we pay attention!!
- Once you feel like you have a potential “masterful lover’ on the hook, let him know that you want to let go in the bedroom – to not be in charge all the time. Does he take charge? Is he up for the task?
Do you have a promising candidate? Think he may be up to the task? At this point, the most important thing you can do is to stop self-sabotaging. We women pride ourselves on our multi-tasking abilities but yet the most important things you can do to help your man get you to the point of deep, fulfilling sexual pleasure are:
- Relax and let him take charge
- Stay away from the self-defeating language
- Do not get caught up in the societal misconception that a man just wants to ‘get off.’ A truly enlightened man wants to take responsibility for your pleasure and in turn that brings him immense pleasure as well.
Remember – sex is a mental exercise for men as well as women. An enlightened man truly, deeply, wants and needs to pleasure you to feel his ultimate best and you need to let go and allow him to! A great man never wants to leave his woman unfulfilled sexually and if you both do your parts, you can end up with the sex life and the orgasms of your dreams. (Ladies, I have had them in my life and I am never going to settle again!).
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