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A Guide to the ‘The Holy Grail of Women’s Orgasms’

(contributed by David Shade)

Ladies, you will want to get your man to read this one too, because we are holding them personally responsible for your pleasure (you have your part to play yet your guy has a leading role!)

It’s time to talk ORGASMS…

As you know from our January issue, I interviewed David Shade, ‘The Renegade Sex Expert’ and bestselling author of the book The Secrets of Female Sexuality to bring you the secrets to achieving that ‘holy grail’ of female sexual pleasure, the vaginal orgasm.

Female sexuality is primarily mental. As I bluntly said in our interview:  “a woman’s orgasm begins between her ears” and “foreplay can be anything and everything that happens to a woman through the course of her day” (ie. long before she enters the bedroom). This is also the key to why so many of us women find it difficult to over-ride our inhibitions, let go and enjoy the deep, satisfying pleasure of a vaginal orgasm. [My comment: A vaginal orgasm is longer, deeper, more emotionally satisfying than the intense ‘release or spike’ of a clitoral orgasm].

Many of us women believe that only the ‘lucky’ ones have vaginal orgasms – in fact evidently only 30-40% of women ever experience them in their lifetime. David and I disagree: every healthy woman is capable of soul satisfying orgasms and vaginal orgasms are your birthright!

Netting it out: what it takes is learning to connect the pleasure centres of the vagina to those in the brain; to let loose and get lost in the moment and to release your inhibitions and self-sabotaging behaviors; to give yourself permission to feel deep pleasure!

Here are some of the top tips on achieving a vaginal orgasm:

For a Woman (self pleasure or with a partner):

  • Throw away the damned vibrator! (or, at least take out the batteries). Vibrators make women dependent on clitoral stimulation and orgasms. That is not what you are aiming for. Use a ‘lifelike’ substitute and let your imagination go. Women’s imagination or fantasies and emotions are a key ingredient to releasing emotion.
  • Practice the emotion that you would feel with a partner and/or allow yourself to fantasize about any and all aspects of pleasure – letting go is as much a mental exercise than a physical one.
  • Be pleasure oriented, not goal or time oriented. Give yourself time and be in the moment – all the moments – with yourself or with your partner.

To the Man who is Leading You into Your Pleasure:

  • Keep your goal under wraps. Nothing will cause her performance anxiety faster than telling a woman that you are aiming for a vaginal orgasm (because so few women believe they are capable of them!)
  • Understand that your pleasure has to come from her pleasure.
  • Keep her involved in the journey, and let her know that you are enjoying it and truly desire her and her pleasure.
  • Do not feel frustrated if she at first cuts you short and does not allow you to continue pleasuring her. Many (if not most women) fall prey to self-sabotaging thoughts of ‘its taking too long’ or ‘I just can’t get there…’ or ‘He must be getting frustrated or tired, we have to stop…’.
  • Take any and all opportunities to learn, to collect intelligence for the next time that you are together so that you can try once again to sweep her away. Progress is good no matter how incremental.

The Anatomy of It All:

  • For a woman who has never experienced vaginal orgasm, and who has a ready and willing partner, David Shade recommends using the middle finger first, rather than the penis, because it allows significantly greater flexibility and movement.
  • The goal is to stimulate the “anterior fornix” of the vagina, which is a ‘deep spot’ 3½ to 4 inches inside the front wall of the vagina. This is the easiest way for a woman to be brought to her first vaginal orgasm. Note: the deep spot is different from the famous G spot.

[check out http://masterful-lover.com/blog/deep-spot/the-official-deep-spot-video/].

  • Once a woman has experienced her first vaginal orgasm, she should be able to recognize and repeat the sensation much more easily, in a way ‘training’ herself to achieve vaginal orgasm over and over.

Do not get me wrong, obviously there is absolutely nothing wrong with a clitoral orgasm, which is quick, more ‘superficial’ and gets the job done  – we should all have them! Yet, a vaginal orgasm is a chance to experience a level of deep emotion and power that is extremely rewarding. It is a chance to release inhibitions and enjoy your sexuality on a greater level, unleashing your complete feminine power!

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Fiona Fine

Fiona Fine is an Author, Speaker and the Editor-In-Chief of “Women Who Run It: Your Life – Your Love – Your Terms”, an in-box magazine that advocates for and empowers strong successful women around the world; women who are used to running the show at a high level and know how tough and often isolated it can be as a top professional juggling career, relationships, family, health & fitness, and community, while still finding personal time. After a long, unfulfilling and unsatisfying relationship and years in the traditional male world of engineering, IT and corporate recruiting, she decided to put the pleasure back into her existence and to start living life more on her own terms. Now she advocates for women (like her) who wonder how to keep it all from unravelling but still have a harmonized life of love, work, passion and …fun! She is the founder of Goddess Connections (Where Women Create Their Footprint in the World). She is also growing a movement: “How To Put The Fun Back Into Dating” to help women who are at the end of their dating rope to reignite the excitement and fun and create amazing love lives. You can find her at www.goddessconnections.com, www.fionafine. com or on www.facebook.com/fionafine